Something in the Water
by MoonStarDutchess
Summary: -Is Undergoing Rewrite- Something strange happens to some of the military women of Central Headquarters and it's up to Roy Mustang and his loyal men to figure out what it is. Can they do this when even Riza is affected?
1. Called Into Question

**Something in the Water **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess **

**Chapter 1: Called Into Question **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

**AN: Birthday fic for Ru Doragon. Keep in mind that this is a lemon comedy fic. In addition, the humor is a tad bit perverted. Think of the humor along the lines of crossing the 80's comedy Porky's, with Sex in the City and American Pie. If you can't take joke, especially sexual ones, then read no further. This fiction also contains odd fluff, odd situations, descriptions, and all around odd behavior. **

**WARNING: Sexual Humor, Limes will be marked with these: - 0- for people who want to avoid them. I find it strange. . . People are oddly in character yet at the same time not. . . You will see what I mean. **

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**Called Into Question **

**(Read the An's before beginning.)**

The more Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye listened to the men talking the more she had a desire to train them in a similar fashion that she trained Hayate during potty training. However, the last thing she needed on her record was a reprimand for shooting at her superior and subordinates. Sure, they were finished with their paperwork, but did they really have to converse about this particular topic? It was rather inappropriate when there was a lady present. Of course, none of the men considered her a lady so it didn't matter.

--

"Are you kidding? A woman loves that!" Havoc said.

"And you know that how? You can't keep a woman for more than three days," Breda said.

"Women like when men play with their breasts during foreplay. It's so obvious! That is what they are there for!" Havoc said.

A strange look appeared on everyone's faces upon hearing Havoc's words. Riza's eyebrow twitched and a vein that was barely visible popped up on the right side of her forehead. She knew better than to comment on what he said but she just couldn't help it. It was so stupid that a comment was almost a necessity.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc. I assure you that is not what a woman's breasts are for!"

"Oh?" Havoc said in a manner that caused all of the men in the room to break into a light sweat. Surely, Havoc wasn't that damn stupid. Surely, he knew both the purpose of a woman's breast and the fact that he should not say anything that has the likelihood of making Riza Hawkeye angry.

"They are to suckle their young Havoc. That is their true purpose."

"Maybe so but they get the young by the sex. The older suck during foreplay so breast sucking is passed down. Generation by generation. It's a beautiful cycle!"

"You, Jean Havoc, are a filthy pervert," Riza said, letting her intense dislike for what he spoke come through in her disgusted tone.

"Aww come on Lieutenant, you can't tell us you don't like for a man to. . ."

"Havoc! My preferences of foreplay do not concern you or anyone else in this room!"

"But you entered the conversation," he said.

"Yes, to shut you up since the general doesn't seem to care about your inappropriate conversation," she said.

"I am actually finding this quite interesting," Roy said. "I prefer staying below the waist myself though. I find that is where I seem to be the most gifted."

Riza tried to keep a blush at bay upon hearing those words. He had no idea how many times she wondered exactly how gifted he was when it came to sexual matters. She wanted to question it. No, that wasn't right. She didn't want to question it: she wanted to experience it. She'd heard about his rumored gifts and really wanted to know if the rumors had any validity to them whatsoever. It didn't help that she had the fact that she was in love with him hanging over that desire. Love made everything such a pain at times.

"Am I really working with you people?" she questioned, then sighed."This conversation is getting downright filthy."

"Surely you've heard worse talk than this?" Roy questioned.

"Of course I have but on a battlefield setting. This kind of talk isn't appropriate for an office."

"So, lieutenant what are your preferences?" Havoc questioned, bringing the conversation back to a dirty topic. All the men turned to her and a light blush spread across her cheeks. "Or do you have any preferences?"

Her preferences? Oh, she had preferences: or rather a preference. Her preference was General Roy Mustang and whatever he wanted to do to her.

Of course, she would never reveal that, so she opened her desk drawer and took out a novel hoping it would indicate that she no longer wanted to converse.

"Like I said, it's none of your concern," she said as she opened her book and began reading.

All the men withheld a laugh over her reaction. If they were to laugh, then they would be risking life and limb. It was already risky when they went on a mission and they didn't need to have a high-risk job at the office as well.

"Aw, come on lieutenant. You are one of the boys after all. What kind of woman do you like?" Roy questioned. He knew Riza wasn't gay but he just couldn't resist the joke. It was like a sore tooth. A person knows that if they stick their tongue to it that it will hurt like hell but they do it anyway.

She took her gaze away from the words on her book so that she could glare at him with a look that could melt steel. "While I have nothing against same sex relationships, SIR," she said, adding extra emphasis on the sir. "I am a heterosexual woman and insist on being recognized as such."

Roy chuckled. "It was a joke. Lighten up, I am sure you've had lots and lots and lots of men," Roy said, teasing her further (another proverbial tongue on the proverbial tooth).

Riza rested her book on her desk, her hands gripping it tightly. "Not lots but my fair share."

Roy was greatly surprised at her response to his tease. He didn't think Riza had time for a personal life and he definitely didn't like the idea of men doing anything sexual to her."

"Why? You jealous?" she asked.

Roy smirked to hide the fact that he was indeed jealous. "Why would I be jealous? I can get any woman I want," he bragged.

"The drag queens down on Maple View Corner don't count as women sir," she retorted.

Roy growled and was becoming annoyed, but the others were thoroughly entertained with the verbal spar. "Bet they have more and much better skills than you!" he said.

The men turned their head toward Riza to see her reaction and to listen intently at what kind of words she would use to retort.

"You couldn't handle the skills I have!" Riza snapped. She no longer cared about the inappropriateness of the conversation, nor did she fully realize what she just spoke. All she knew was that her skills were being called into question and she didn't care what sort of skills they were. No one put her down in any way, shape, or form whatsoever. She got enough of that from her father as a child.

"Oh really? Well, I have some tips for you, lieutenant. For a blowjob you don't actually blow. Oh, and men are good liars."

"And I have some tips for you, sir. Penis pumps don't work and I am sure all of the women in your sexual experiences were good liars as well," she said.

"You've heard the rumors, lieutenant," he said proudly.

"Yes and about 99.9 percent of rumors are false," she said, "and I doubt you are in that .1 percent."

She opened her desk drawer to return her novel then shut it a bit rougher than needed.

"Pity you'll never find out," he snapped, now greatly annoyed that a simple, fun, and dirty conversation had escalated into an argument with Riza. He found out a few things about her that he didn't really want to know. Things he'd been denying for a long time. Riza was a sexual being and now he really wanted to know just how sexual.

"Same for you," she retorted. "Now I have to go to the range to get my practice in. Permission to leave, Sir?"

"Yes," Roy said, in an almost sulking tone. She turned and went to the door. As he watched her move toward the door, taking in her curves that he'd most likely never get to touch or see sans clothing, his anger gathered momentum bit by bit. "Why don't you show Jacob down at the range your "skills" as you put it?"

Riza turned and smirked. "Who says I haven't?" Of course, she would never do that with Jacob, but she was sure that would get Roy's goat. She then left the room, leaving a bunch of shocked faces behind her.

"That went well for you chief," Havoc said.

Roy glared at him. "If you ever bring up a conversation like this in the office again I will turn you into a human torch."

"You are the one that got carried away, chief," Havoc argued boldly.

Roy sighed and leaned back in his chair. He hated to admit it but Havoc was right. After getting back from the northern outpost and being reinstated as a general, his relationship with Hawkeye went from very close to almost cold. One of them always started up something that would end up with them bickering like a married couple. If Maes was here, he would be having a field day with the happenings.

"How in the hell do I apologize for something like that?"

"How about, I am sorry I doubted your fellatio skills and would like to possibly confirm your skills in said area?" Breda joked.

Roy's glare at him effectively shut him up.

--

"Riza? Are you all right?" Rebecca asked as she leaned against the wall of the booth where Riza was currently firing off rounds into a paper target. Jacob, who ran the range and was close friends with Rebecca and Riza, was standing at Rebecca's left, also intrigued by Riza's current mood. Both could tell by her posture that she was angry and the place where the shots were going told them it was a male that put her in her current mood.

"Mustang do something to tick you off?" Jacob questioned. He chose Mustang since, as of late, he was the only one that could get her that furious.

"Yes," she growled as she lowered her gun, reloaded, and began firing again.

"Are you going to tell us what he said?" Rebecca questioned.

Riza merely mumbled, lowered her gun, placed it on the table, and pressed the button that brought the target to her. Jacob cringed when he saw the locations of the hits up close: the shots were targeted right in the groin area. She took it off the clip, wadded it up, and threw it in the growing pile of targets behind her. After putting up a fresh target and sending it out, Riza reloaded her gun once again and fired off more rounds.

After firing all her bullets, she clicked on the safety and put the gun back on the table.

"Riza what did he do?" Rebecca questioned.

"He. . ." she started to say but stopped. She made a fist and growled.

"Yes?" Jacob encouraged her to finish.

"HE SAID I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE A GOOD BLOWJOB!" she screamed, causing Rebecca and Jacob to nearly fall over in shock. Luckily, for her reputation, no one else was in the range at that time.

"Can't say I was expecting that," Jacob said.

Jacob and Rebecca stood straight and walked closer to their friend. "How in the hell did you get into that sort of conversation?" Rebecca asked.

Riza sent yet another target back out, loaded the gun and fired several more shots at the crotch area of the human outline. "He'll never know, the bastard will never find out!" Riza muttered, not answering her friend's question.

Rebecca quirked an eyebrow at her. "And you will forget about being in love with him as well I suppose?" she questioned.

Riza cringed upon being asked that question. Of course, any idiot could infer that she was in love with Roy Mustang. After all, she dedicated almost her entire adult life to protecting him. However, Rebecca and Jacob didn't have to infer or assume anything. She actually admitted her feelings to them right after Roy left for the north. She'd needed someone to talk to and she trusted Jacob and Rebecca above all others.

"Poor guy," Jacob said.

Riza sighed. "Oh by the way Jacob if he asked. . ."

"You swabbed my talleywacker."

"Yeah," she said, not embarrassed in the least talking with him like that.

"Got ya," he said.

"So you are saying that you will never dance the horizontal tango with the general?"

Riza holstered her gun and shook her head. "I never will!"

"Yaaaaa huh," Jacob and Rebecca said at the same time.

"It's true, I refuse!"

"Riza, I am about to be completely blunt with you."

"Alright," she said.

"If Roy Mustang were to make a move on you then you would be on your back easier than a hooker after being propositioned by a billionaire.

"Rebecca, never compare me to a hooker ever again," she said, sending a cold glare in the woman's direction. Rebecca merely grinned.

"Let's go grab some coffee before we have to get back to work," Riza said, then proceeded to walk away, mumbling under her breath.

"How long do you think it will be before Riza and the general will be in tongue knots?" Jacob questioned.

"Two days at the very least," she said.

"I agree," he said.

--

Maria Ross laughed at what Rebecca and Jacob told her, earning another growl from Riza. Maria too knew about her feelings for Roy and at the current moment, she wished she hadn't spilled the beans to the black haired officer. If Denny Broch was the same way as Maria, she would have another regret. Hopefully, he would take her side though Riza knew deep down that it wasn't likely.

"Oh come on, you have got to be kidding? Did they really? Did you really?" Maria asked Riza, chuckling loudly.

"It's not that funny," Riza muttered.

"Yes it is!"

"The best part is that Riza said she's never going to let the general partake of her skills," Jacob said.

This caused Maria to go from a chuckle to a loud laugh. "If the general ever makes a sexual advance toward you, you'd be flat on your back quicker than a drunken hooker after a night of drinking."

Riza glared at Maria menacingly. "What is it with all of you and hookers? Don't compare me to a hooker. I am warning you all for the last time. Besides, are you implying that I am easy?" Riza questioned, and then took a drink of her coffee.

"Toward the public domain of men, no, to the general . . . well you would be easy," Maria said, while pouring some cream in her coffee then taking a sip.

"Of course it's the same if we reverse the roles," Rebecca stated. "If you made a play for the general he would be on top of you faster than-"

"Can you all please stop it with the metaphors already?" Riza questioned, cutting off Maria's sentence.

"Fine but you understand our point right?" Rebecca questioned.

"What point would that be?" Denny asked, as he sat down beside Maria.

"Oh, how Riza vowed never to run the flatback marathon with Mustang," Maria said casually, causing Riza to nearly choke on the cream puff she was eating.

"Oh, fat chance of her keeping that one," Denny said.

Riza took a sip of her coffee and coughed to clear her throat. "Where are you all getting those names?"

"Names?" Jacob asked.

"Swabbing the talleywhacker, horizontal tango, flatback marathon. . ." Riza started naming off before Jacob interrupted her with more.

"Tongue knots, beating the meat, swinging the bat, coming on home, filling the taco, pelvic aerobics, beating the turtle. . ." he said.

"Okay, that's enough."

"Those are average everyday terms lieutenant," Denny said.

Riza's eyebrow twitched. "Swabbing the talleywhacker is an everyday term?"

"Depends on how much you enjoy it I guess," Denny said with a shrug and a joking smile on his lips.

"I walked right into that one didn't I?" Riza asked.

"Yes," Denny replied.

Riza stood. "I am going back to the office before your perverted minds corrupt mine."

"We are sure you'd like General Mustang to corrupt more than your mind, right?" Rebecca teased.

Riza scowled. "I'm leaving now," she said and walked away, leaving laughing friends behind her.

--

Riza muttered about teasing friends and skills as she made her way down the hall and back toward the office where the men should be working. However, what the men were doing in the office was the last thing on her mind. Her dominate thoughts were that of the doubt her friends seem to display when it came to her self-restraint. They honestly seemed to think that she couldn't keep her hands, or mouth, to herself. Riza stopped in the hall and made a face when she realized the dirty connotation that her thought could be taken as.

"I think I am getting worse than them," she muttered. Really though, how could they think that she wouldn't have the willpower to deny the general or keep from touching him. Other than that killer body he had from working out and that thick black hair, and those deep dark eyes, she had no interest at all. That smirk he made when he was trying to make her grin or was up to something mischievous, was nothing special either. No, she didn't want to kiss that smirk or run her hands through his hair. No, she didn't want to be on top of that desk, letting him work on her instead of the paperwork.

She sighed and changed her destination, deciding to make a detour to the women's locker room to take a nice cool shower.

--

When Riza returned to the office, she found that none of the men would look at her for more than a few seconds. Each of them was working very diligently on their paperwork, which was usually an indication of unease. She laughed inwardly at the sight. If bringing up sexual skills got them to work like this all the time then maybe she would bring it up more often. As soon as that thought came to her, she gave herself a mental knock in the head. It was such a crude idea.

She walked over to her desk and sat down. She grabbed a file from her inbox, opened it, and began working. For the longest time, the only think that was heard in the office was the sound of pens scratching against paper. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. She felt eyes on her and glanced up to see Roy staring at her with a pitiful yet intrigued look on his face. However, when her gaze met his, he quickly looked back down at his work.

She laughed to herself and then resumed filling out the paperwork in front of her. She had to admit, she was quite thrilled at the response Roy was currently giving her. To think that he might be curious about her "skills" was a very big compliment.

A few minutes later, she felt someone watching her once again. She looked up and saw Roy's head quickly move so that his face was directed down at the work on his desk. She looked around the room to see the same thing happen with the other guys. While amusing, it was getting quite ridiculous and uncomfortable. She needed to put a stop to it otherwise, she'd never complete her work.

"Will you please stop staring at me and pretending you aren't? Do I have cream on my face or something?" she questioned. Havoc suddenly choked on the smoke from his cigarette when he inhaled too much, causing it to burn all the way down to the filter at an unhealthy speed.

He began coughing, trying to clear his throat, and threw what was left of his cigarette into the ashtray on the table beside him.

"Are you all right Lieutenant Havoc…" she trailed of when she realized one of the questions she asked and exactly what caused him to choke in the first place.

"If I wasn't such a calm person I would light your entire pack of cigarettes and shove them down your throat," she said. "It just so happens that I was eating a pastry full of cream at lunch!"

Upon hearing that, the men started to chuckle, trying their best to hold in their laughter. Roy bit his lip and tried to focus on the paperwork and forget the joke that popped in his head. She heard a small squeak come from him and turned to face him.

"What is it?" she questioned with a sigh. "I know you want to say something so just say it and get it out."

Roy laughed aloud. "I was just going to say that it was the first time I've ever heard it referred to as eating a pastry." He mentally kicked himself in the balls when she didn't even smile in the slightest, but he wasn't really expecting her to do so. It was just one of those moments where hope outweighed common expectations.

He groaned inwardly. Was he a glutton for punishment or something? Then again, it would probably be very hot to have Riza "punish" him. Before he developed a mental image of Riza as a dominatrix, she responded to his comment.

"I enjoyed that pastry much more than I would have enjoyed any kind of …baked goods you would provide."

Everyone paused in their work and looked at her oddly as she went back to working. Baked goods? That was a very odd term to use.

"Well if you must know, I can bake my goods with the better of them. My baked goods have never gotten any complaints from anyone," Roy said.

"Ovens and toasters can't talk, and if you don't mind I would rather not hear about you sticking your penis in an oven, sir. What you do to get off is no concern of mine."

"I do not stick my baked goods in an oven lieutenant," Roy replied, continuing with using "baked goods" as a sexual metaphor.

"So your baked goods never firm up or get hot? For your sake, I'm sorry to hear that."

Mustang started to open his mouth but found that he was at a loss for words after that line. He never realized that his lieutenant was so good at verbal sparring until today, and especially not when that sparring referred to that of a sexual nature.

"No comeback chief?" Havoc questioned with a laugh. It was rare that someone ever got the best of Roy Mustang. Come to think of it, the only one he ever saw get the better of him was Riza Hawkeye so it seemed fitting that she would come out the winner of this sparring session.

"Shut up Havoc," Roy and Riza said at the same time, both of them sick of the current conversation.

Havoc instantly shut up and then all was quiet in the office.


	2. Nerves

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 2: Nerves**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and gain no profit from this fanfiction. **

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Roy muttered as he made his way to his office. After yesterday's office discussion, today he just hoped that things would stay quiet. He knew that if Havoc started any sexual discussion whatsoever that he would order him to stop instantly, sparing him from another verbal ass kicking from Riza.

Those discussions the previous day were a catalyst for several sexual but not unwelcomed dreams regarding Riza's capabilities. His favorite was one where she was baking with nothing on but an apron and she let him take her right there on the kitchen table. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the memory of that dream. It wouldn't be good to let his…cream roll…rise at work.

He walked inside the office and much to his surprise everyone was standing up and looked as if they'd been waiting for him. Usually when he came in they were at their desks working.

"You are late sir," Riza said.

Roy turned his head so that he could look directly at her. As usual, she looked quite beautiful this morning, but there seemed to be something slightly different about her. He studied her a bit more and realized she had her makeup on a bit thicker than usual. He let his gaze fall down to her arms where she held a clipboard in front of her chest.

"We need to get going sir," Riza stated.

Roy was confused upon hearing her words and he displayed his confusion on his face. "What's going on? Ready to go where?"

"You didn't hear chief? Havoc questioned, with a slight smirk.

"Hear what?" Roy questioned, turning his gaze from the beautiful blonde to the blond he would never think of as beautiful even if he were blind.

"We don't have to work today," Havoc said.

"What? Why?" It wasn't as if he would be opposed to it at all, but he hadn't heard anything about work being cancelled. If it were to happen, he'd be the first to know. He turned his gaze back to Hawkeye. Okay, he'd be the second to know. It seemed like Hawkeye was privy to information before he was, most likely because she was the first one at the office every morning.

She also found out information that the average lieutenant wouldn't be privy to knowing. Most of the higher officers tended to treat her like one of them instead of a subordinate so that wasn't really a surprising fact. She had the respect of the majority of people at headquarters. It wasn't just because they were slightly afraid of her, but also because she was a genuinely good and fair person.

He knew that if she'd taken the promotions offered to her that she'd probably be a much higher rank by now. Hell, she would have probably had a position on the council.

"Don't listen to him sir," she said while glaring at Havoc. "It is our units turn to do the inspections of the military posts around the city."

"No one told me that," he said. He didn't mind the inspection assignments at all and tended to look forward to them. It was a chance to get out of the office and out of doing paperwork while not being in a dangerous situation.

"It was on the memo that was sent around every day this month. Then again, it doesn't surprise me that you didn't read it despite that fact."

Roy laughed nervously, "I was distracted with other matters around the office."

"Yes, I figured that much. Shall we go sir?" she questioned, walked by him, and out of the office. He caught a whiff of her perfume as she walked by. It was his favorite scent and he didn't even know what it was. He'd thought of asking her but figured it wouldn't be a proper thing to do. He'd missed it when he was up north and reveled in her scent when he got back and started working in the office again.

"Sometimes I wonder who the commanding officer in this office is," Breda commented, breaking Roy from his thinking.

"That's a stupid statement Breda. I am of course," Roy said. He turned his gaze to the chuffy man then added, "But only in rank."

"So basically she has the say and you have the rank just for show?" Breda questioned.

"Shut up Breda," Roy replied. He stuck both hands in his pockets and walked out the door. He deserved his rank of course but Riza was definitely a major reason he was at the rank he was. She handled the small things so he could focus on the bigger picture. She wasn't insubordinate she was just blunt and did what was best for him. She wanted things done and done quickly so it would make him look good to other people and he was truly thankful for everything she did.

"He's whipped in more ways than one," Fuery said, being abnormally blunt.

"Only one way for now. That is, until Hawkeye and the chief become lovers. Then he will be puss-" Havoc started to say but was cut off by Riza shouting for them.

"What is taking you four so long? Let's get going! We haven't got all day."

"Yes Ma'am," they all said in unison and left the office.

-----

Riza growled for the tenth time since they left headquarters. To say that she was frustrated would be the understatement of the year. If the purpose of their assignment hadn't been told to her then she would definitely be confused as to exactly what it was. The men certainly weren't acting the way they should be. They were acting like a bunch of teenage boys who never went into the city before. They were looking at women and rating them and it made her angry. Now wasn't the time to be doing such things.

As usual, she knew she would end up doing all the work and they all would get the credit. It wasn't that she was so concerned about getting praise for her work but damn it. All of the work she was doing was becoming taxing on her nerves and if she didn't find some way to relieve the stress, she was going to explode. Merely shooting her guns just wasn't as effective as it used to be. She thought about joining a kickboxing class or taking up some form of martial art.

The fact that she hadn't gotten much solid sleep was having a big impact on things as well. For the past few weeks, she'd been having dreams about Roy Mustang. Until last night, most of them had been about merely kissing him. Then, last night, those simple dreams turned into a mental porno involving her, a kitchen, and her full arsenal of skills at her disposal. She woke up and refused to walk into her kitchen. Instead, she grabbed breakfast at the café down the street from her home.

When Havoc made a comment about a woman's buns, Riza stopped walking, turned around quickly, and opened her mouth to speak when she noticed that someone was missing from their little unit. Of course, it was General Mustang. She heaved a huge sigh, not bothering to hide it from the men. She took several deep breaths trying to calm her temper. The men knew what her actions meant and their faces turned pale.

"Where in the hell is the general?" she questioned with her eyes narrowed and her voice threatening. She sounded like someone that was ready to rip out someone's throat. When no one answered her, she took three paces closer to them and yelled. "ATTENTION!" The group of men instantly snapped into formal postures as if they were undergoing some sort of inspection.

Riza noted the people walking past them, laughing at the sight of the group of officers. She decided that she would take a bit of revenge on them by making them stay in that posture for a few minutes. She paced back and forth a few times, almost daring them to follow her with their eyes. If they so much as glanced at her she'd order them to do push ups. After a full minute, she stopped and faced them.

"Now, I asked a question. Havoc! Where is the general?" she snapped, directing her steel melting glare at him.

"He's at the flower booth Ma'am!" he answered in full military fashion. His words were a bit shaky due to his nervousness. "One of the girls there stopped him, Ma'am!"

Riza gripped her ink pen tightly, the tiny metal latch on its lid pressing hard into her palm, slowly imprinting itself in her skin. She was holding her clipboard in her other hand, her nails pressing down into the paper, leaving small indents in it. Normally, she would be able to handle this much better but today she just wasn't in the mood to deal with this kind of crap. She had a headache, she was sleepy, it was humid outside, she was overworked, and she had to deal with a lazy ass general that thought it was his duty to flirt with everything with tits and an ass.

"I see," she stated calmly. She took a step closer to the men. "Did it ever occur to you four that I would have liked to have known that…three blocks ago?" She spoke the last part of her sentence in a tone that would have made the men cringe if they weren't currently trying to act as if they were in boot camp. It was very loud and angry but not quite up to the yell level. Riza Hawkeye rarely yelled at anyone over anything.

"Guess the chief wanted to make sure he had his nightly fuc—"

"Continue with that word Havoc and I will make sure you won't have anything to use if you ever manage to get laid," she snapped.

She handed Fuery her clipboard and pen. "You guys better not move from this spot or you will regret it," Riza snapped and stalked away from the men. She didn't really want to threaten the men but she was just so damned tired of them. At times, she entertained the notion of quitting the military and finding something else to do.

---

"The general is in for it now," Breda commented.

"Yeah…" Havoc said, trailing off as he watched Riza walk out of sight.

"Okay, I know that tone of yeah. What are you thinking?"

"I am thinking maybe we need to lay off of Hawkeye for a bit. Make things a bit easier for her."

"What do you mean?" Fuery questioned.

"Have you ever seen Hawkeye like that? I've known her for a while and I seriously think she needs a break. We aren't being very helpful around the office and Hawkeye has to take up the workload. Sure Mustang does his work now, but then he goes and does things like this when we are out of the office working. We were also goofing off with the women rating. She's clearly not feeling well physically or mentally. I saw her popping two aspirin on the way to work this morning and she was putting on makeup under her eyes. My guess is that she hasn't been getting enough sleep either."

"Then lets help out by each of us taking these forms and going to the posts and having them filled out, by the time she gets back. That way we all can get back to the office and not be out in the hot weather and she won't have to do much of anything," Falman said.

"Good idea," Havoc agreed.

Fuery divided the sheets between them and they all went into different directions toward the military posts.

---

Riza growled and cursed under her breath about horny men and their lack of self-control. Why was everything always about sex? It seemed all they cared about was a woman with big boobs and a nice ass. For the majority of men, intelligence wasn't even on their list of desirable traits. Sex was obviously a good thing most of the time but it wasn't so good that it had to be on the brain for 24 hours a day.

She remembered reading a magazine that spoke about how the average male thought about sex every seven seconds. While she didn't believe it was that frequent, she did believe that it was most likely more along the lines of five to ten times per day, however it was always somewhere in their minds.

That hypothesis came from years of being in the office with a bunch of perverts and on the frontlines with a bunch of extremely horny men. One had to pay attention to the circumstances around them and the type of men. Therefore, the studies that scientists actually did were pretty much inaccurate. She stopped in her tracks when she realized exactly what she analyzed. "Damn, I need a vacation," she said, then continued on her way.

She finally arrived within visual distance of the flower booth and narrowed her eyes at the scene that greeted her. Roy was leaning against the flower booth chatting with a young woman that looked like she could still be in high school. She was one of those blondes that gave smart blondes a bad reputation.

Riza was a good 40 feet away when she heard a loud shriek that was apparently, what the girl had as a laugh. If she weren't so used to the sounds of gunfire then the noise would have probably made her ears bleed.

She watched as the girl went to lay a hand on Roy's shoulder but much to Riza's surprise, he moved away just before she did so. Through the years she'd grown to recognize Roy's movements and she could tell that he didn't just happen to move away by pure coincidence.

Riza walked up to stand behind Roy and tapped one of her feet, waiting for him to realize someone was standing behind him.

"Oh, can I help you Ma'am?" the young girl asked exactly when she spotted Riza.

Riza was inwardly fuming at being called ma'am by someone not in the military. She was only twenty-seven years old! She didn't feel like she was old enough to be called Ma'am yet. However, she could tell the young woman didn't mean it as a smart-ass comment so she ignored it.

"Yes, I would like to place an order for a lazy brigadier general who needs to be working instead of flirting with young ladies that are nearly half his age."

Roy stiffened when he heard the familiar voice of his lieutenant. He whispered something to the girl in a low tone while handing her a bit of money. She handed him three calla lilies and he turned to Riza.

"Hello there lieutenant," Roy greeted, a nervous smirk plastered on his lips.

"Hello there yourself sir," she said. To anyone else the tone would have sounded normal but to Roy Mustang that tone conveyed that she was pissed off beyond the ability to express words of anger.

He walked closer and held out the flowers to her. "Sorry," he said.

She stared down at the flowers and smiled softly. If she thought he actually meant what he said, she might have accepted both the flowers and the apology. However, he never did mean it when he apologized to her. He always did the same thing the next day, week, or month.

"Don't apologize if you don't mean it, sir," she said, speaking what she was truly thinking. She turned and walked away, not taking the flowers he offered her.

"What do you mean if I don't mean it? I mean it, I really am sorry," he said as he followed her.

"Yes, sorry until next inspection when it will happen again."

"So you aren't accepting my apology?" he questioned.

"I don't think I need to grace that question with an answer." She said.

Roy rushed to walk beside her. She started to slow her pace a little so she would be the customary two steps behind the commanding officer, but he grabbed her arm before she could do so.

"Walk beside me Hawkeye. I can't talk to you when you are following that silly protocol."

"Yes, Sir," she said and kept pace with him.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine sir," she replied.

Roy looked down at the flowers. "I know they are your favorites. Please don't let them go to waste," he said. She sighed and took the flowers from him; it would be a shame to throw them away.

It stayed silent for a while as they walked. It was rather nice to walk with Riza like this out on such a beautiful day.

"Why are you wearing so much makeup?" he questioned suddenly.

"Lack of sleep," she answered honestly. "It wouldn't do to have a ragged appearance at work."

"Why can't you sleep?" he questioned.

"That's a personal matter sir," she answered.

"Oh," he said and once again, silence enveloped the two officers until Roy broke it again.

"Tell me, when is the last time you've been —"

"Careful sir," she said, cutting off his sentence.

"On a date," Roy finished. Inwardly, he was laughing like mad. He knew what Riza thought he was going to ask. In all honesty, he was quite curious about the last time she had sex but he wasn't about to inquire on such a personal topic.

Riza tried to hold in a blush over his question. She was embarrassed over thinking what she did and was extremely relieved that he didn't ask her what she thought he was going to ask.

"Well Lieutenant?" he questioned.

"I believe that is a personal matter that is not fit for discussion with my commanding officer," she said, once again using the personal matter as an excuse.

"I've known you since we were kids Riza. I am not just your commanding officer."

"At the current moment in time you are, Sir. In addition we are on duty where discussions such as this aren't appropriate."

"So you'd answer me if we weren't on duty?" he questioned.

"I didn't say that. It's still a personal matter that I prefer not to discuss."

"I see," he said, and spoke no more until they arrived where Riza told the group of men to wait.

"Why are you stopping here?" Roy asked.

"I told the men to wait here," she said. She wanted to yell, scream, and throw an all out tantrum over the disobedience of the men. For once, she just wanted to shriek out of arrant frustration. Why couldn't they just listen for once! Suddenly she got a small pain in her chest: that little tinge of pain always occurred when she was about to explode in anger.

She sat down on a bench beside the door of one of the shops that lined the street and muttered a few curses under her breath. She leaned over and rested her head in her hands.

Roy sat down beside her, looking quite concerned about her.

"What now? Do you want to look for them?"

"Look for them sir? They could be anywhere around here. It would take forever," she said, trying not to let her frustration display in her voice. Roy stared at her for a moment. She'd been looking quite tired lately and he could tell that her temper had been festering. He knew that he was doing little to ease that frustration with his actions. Especially the comments about her sexual skills that he'd made. Normally she would have just let those comments slide, but that time she'd fired back with insults of her own: a strong indication that not all was calm inside the stoic in appearance only, lieutenant. He'd like to help her relax and knew just how he could do that.

"Lieutenant, I would like to ask you something," he said.

"Yes sir? What is it?" she questioned.

"Would you be interested in going to din-"

"General! Lieutenant!" a voice interrupted Roy's question. They looked ahead to see Fuery and Falman walking toward them. Hawkeye stood; ready to give the two men a scolding when Mustang beat her to it.

"I thought Lieutenant Hawkeye told you to stay here until she got back. What is your excuse for disobeying a command from a higher officer?"

Riza was surprised at Roy's words. They sounded incredibly formal and it was very rare of him to speak in that tone toward his subordinates.

Fuery and Falman whipped into a salute. "Well sir, we noticed that Lieutenant Hawkeye seemed to be doing all the work and we wanted to make it up to her. We all separated and went to get the inspection sheets done for her. Falman and I just got back," Fuery explained.

Riza didn't think she could be any more surprised than she had over Roy's actions, but upon hearing those words, she realized that she was indeed wrong.

"I see," he said with a small smile. Fuery and Falman walked over to Riza and handed her the clipboard with the finished evaluation forms on it. She gazed at them to see that every single part was filled out very neatly.

"Thank you," she said, truly touched at the kind gesture even though it was part of their job.

"We all agreed to meet back at this spot," Falman said.

"What places are left?" Riza questioned.

"The one on the west of the block," Falman said.

"You two wait here for Havoc and Breda. The lieutenant and I will take care of that one. When they return, go back to the office."

"Yes sir," Falman said.

"Good, let's go lieutenant," Roy said, taking Hawkeye's hand and leading her away. Riza blushed slightly at the contact.

"Sir, um…do you think this is proper?" Riza questioned, though she enjoyed the feel of her hand in his and the rough feel of his pyrotechnic glove rubbing against her skin.

Roy stopped but didn't let go of her hand. "Is what proper?" he questioned.

Riza looked down at their hands, Roy's gaze following hers. He suddenly pulled away and stuck the hand in his pocket. "Sorry about that Lieutenant. Well, not exactly sorry about it but I am sorry about it. Um… that's not what I meant to say though I said it but didn't…"

Roy trailed off. He felt really stupid and didn't know what had gotten into him. Normally he was completely at ease with women, but Hawkeye was another matter. He was very comfortable around her in a working and casual manner; however, when it came to anything slightly romantically intimate, he lost his train of thought and just began babbling like an idiot. Hell, he could even tease her like some voyeuristic degenerate but didn't seem to have the ability to speak to her with sincere romantic feelings. It was obvious that he did have them, despite the things he said yesterday in the office.

"Sir, it is fine. Let's just get to the post so we can finish the inspections. We have to get to every checkpoint in the city this week."

Roy sighed. He had to admit that he was slightly disappointed that she didn't voice anything more over them holding hands. He hoped she would have spoken about how it was nice or something to that extent.

"All right," he said, trying not to let his disappointment reflect in his voice. They walked down the street toward their destination and finally arrived. After getting the inspection over, they started on their way back to headquarters.

"That went well," Roy said. "It was pretty easy."

"Yes, work isn't nearly as hard as you make it out to be."

"I never said it was hard. It's just annoying."

Riza couldn't hold back a small laugh, which turned out to be music to Roy's ears. He wanted to hear more of that sound. He wanted more and more to be the reason that joyful melodic tone left her body.

"Well, you are a grown man and should all ready know that there are things in life that you have to do even though they annoy you. Do you honestly think I enjoy working sir?"

"You are a workaholic," he said.

"Not by choice," she muttered.

Roy heard what she spoke but chose not to say anything about it. Instead, he grabbed her hand once more and pulled her into an alley.

"Sir, we should be getting back to the office," she said.

"Not yet, there's something I want to ask you first."

"Sir, if it's about my sexual skills then—"

"Will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?" he asked. Riza could only stare at him in disbelief over his question.


	3. A Slightly Rocky Start

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 3: A Slightly Rocky Start **

**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA but do own my idea. **

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Riza took a step back and stared into his eyes to see if he actually meant the question he asked her. She hoped that he wasn't joking or that she hadn't been hearing things. It was more than likely that she was just hearing something she wanted to because of the stress that had dominated her life. She just wasn't the type of girl Roy Mustang asked out on a date. She could actually tell up from down and had the skill of chewing gum and walking at the same time. However, if she were completely honest, she hated gum so that latter part of her thought hadn't exactly been tested for validity.

"Sir… I…What did you just ask me?"

"I asked if you would have dinner with me tomorrow night," Roy repeated nervously. A woman never had the reaction that Riza had before when he asked that question. Then again, Riza Hawkeye wasn't the average woman.

Since the fraternization laws were lifted, and since she was so stressed out, he thought a nice dinner would relax her. Then maybe later on he could do something else to help her relax. He banished those perverted thoughts to the back of his mind and turned to the present. He hoped her answer would be a yes.

"As in a dinner …date?" she questioned, emphasizing the word date with a higher volume of speaking.

"Well…yes, as in a date. As in I take you to dinner and maybe some dancing if you are up to it."

"As in a more than friends' way?" she questioned as her heart started beating much faster than normal. She hoped that was exactly what he meant.

"Yes, as in a potentially romantic couple type situation," he said, turning his tone formal.

Roy's cheeks began taking on a light red tint as he spoke, surprising Riza that he'd blushed yet again that day. She couldn't believe how unbelievably cute it was to see him act in such a manner: as if he was a young man asking a girl out for the first time.

Of course, she wanted to go out with him. She'd wanted to date him before the frat laws were dropped but obviously, during that time, it was forbidden. Suddenly, an important thought entered her mind. She needed to ask something before she accepted his offer. No matter how much she longed to go, the reason he asked her was very important.

"There's something I want to know first," she stated.

"What's that?" he questioned.

"What brought this on today? I mean the fraternization laws have been gone for going on a year. If it was all the sexual talk yesterday and your curiosity got the better of you, then you can take your date and shove it up your…"

She trailed off from her sentence when Roy lifted his hand to her face, holding back a shutter as his warm hand moved slowly across her skin. She stared into his eyes and froze as his head moved closer to hers, tilting slightly. His eyes closed slowly and his lips touched hers so softly that she could barely tell that they'd kissed.

He pulled away for just a second before placing them back on her lips, this time a bit more forcefully but with the same briefness as the initial kiss.

"Answer me," she whispered breathlessly when they parted.

Roy cupped her face with both of his hands and kissed her again, this time pressing his lips to hers roughly, slowly letting his tongue brush along the outside of her mouth.

The kiss was a long time coming. There'd been sexual tension between them since they were teens, but they'd refrained from doing anything about it. Then when they joined the military, the rules forbade it.

Riza felt herself being pushed against a wall and she gasped. Roy took this opportunity to let his tongue drift into her mouth, inciting a whimper from her. She didn't know if she should respond or push him away. Finally, she let the clipboard drop to the ground and wrapped her arms around his body, resting her hands on his back. She gripped the fabric of his jacket tightly, as she began responding to the kiss, letting her tongue rub against his sensually and her lips press tighter against his.

It wasn't proper for them to be doing this while in uniform even though they were effectively concealed from the public for the most part. She should be scolding him for his conduct but what she wanted to do was wrap her legs around his waist and let him have her right there.

She kissed him a moment more before she pulled away, breathing heavily. She stared into his eyes until her gaze fell down to his smirking lips.

"So it is sexual then?" she questioned. She didn't mind if it was indeed sexual, but she wanted more than just that from him. She moved out of his grasp and walked a few steps away from him. Her body was going nuts and if she didn't put some distance between them they'd end up doing things that weren't fit to do in their current location.

"No, not entirely," Roy answered.

She turned to look at him quizzically. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Every human being loves someone because they want sex…I mean…that's not what I meant. I meant that human beings that date and fall in love...well, sex is always hard on their minds. Damn it…I didn't mean it like that either." He paused for a moment, ran a hand through his hair, and heaved a huge sigh of frustration. "I would be an idiot and a liar if I said I didn't want you Riza," he started. "Every human being on the earth wants to have sex with someone they care about. I'm no different," he stated.

"What time?" Riza questioned suddenly, feeling a bit guilty for getting Roy so flustered. She knew what he meant completely. She wanted him as well and was pleased to hear that he cared about her as more than just a sexual conquest.

"Pardon?" he asked, thinking that he heard her wrong.

"What time do you want to have dinner?" she questioned.

"You mean even after my major flub-up you still want to have dinner with me? I mean I was literally rambling like an idiot."

"Yes I do and don't forget I am used to you being an idiot," she retorted. "I have been since we were children."

Roy smiled widely and laughed. "How about around seven?"

She bent to pick up her clipboard then stood straight.

"Fine with me. Now let's get back to work," she said walking toward the alley's entrance. Before she left, she turned toward him and smirked. "Don't think you got out of explaining that sexual comment though." She then walked away and out of his sight.

A small smile appeared on Roy's face at first but then suddenly widened when he realized what just happened. He kissed her, asked her out, and she accepted! This was turning out to be a great week! He stuck both of his hands in his pockets and whistled happily, as he walked back to headquarters.

It was a pain in the proverbial ass to find the proper outfit for a time like this. A date with the person one loved was a very important event and looking ones best for that person was crucial. One had to choose something that complemented their body type, eyes, and skin tone. It could not be too flashy nor could it blend in easily and be unnoticeable. White was too risky and a tan color wouldn't be proper either because it was a bit dull. Yes, a person never had the proper outfit for a time like this and Roy Mustang didn't know what to do about it. He had tons of clothing that he wore on other dates but that just wouldn't do. Riza wasn't just "another date." He had sincere romantic feelings toward her.

He snapped his fingers when he remembered the blue shirt that she'd bought him a while ago. It would be perfect for this occasion. He dug into his closet, pushing other shirts that were in his way out of his path, ignoring the way boxes fell over and created a mess that he probably wouldn't bother cleaning. He smiled in triumph when the shirt came into view. It still had the tag on it because he'd never found the proper opportunity to wear it.

He removed it from the closet and shook it to make sure there weren't any small insects hiding in it. After tearing off the tag, he slipped it on, buttoned it up, and then tucked it into his pants. He turned toward the mirror and adjusted his collar.

Walking into the bathroom, he grabbed some hair gel from the already opened container and slicked his hair back. After putting the lid back on the container of gel, he looked in the mirror attached to the old oak medicine cabinet. He heaved a sigh and frowned as he gazed at the other him in that mirrored world. He would look so much better if he still had both of his eyes. The eye patch was quite the eyesore to his looks but, unfortunately, it couldn't be helped. It was a better alternative than showing his scar to the world.

He turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom. He made his way into the living room and took a quick glance at the clock.

"Six-forty-five," he read aloud, then took his gaze away from it and sat down in a chair. Suddenly, he realized fully what time it was and quickly looked back at the clock. He stood up, grabbed his wallet that was lying on a nearby table, and rushed out of his house.

Riza tapped her fingers on the table beside the couch with one hand while absently petting Hayate between the ears with her other. All was silent in the room except for the occasional snore coming from her canine companion as he dozed with his head resting on her lap. She looked at the clock to see that it was nearly seven. As soon as the big hand landed on the twelve, a knock on the door joined the chime of the grandfather clock she had against the wall.

Suddenly, her stomach felt like it was twisting and her palms were becoming sweaty. She felt calm all evening as she was getting ready and now they decided to make their debut. What if she really messed up on this date and embarrassed him so much that he'd hate her for the rest of their lives? She wouldn't be able to show her face in front of him again. She wasn't like the other girls he dated; she wasn't used to being so out and about.

She heard the knock again and jumped slightly. She took several deep breaths and repeated to herself that everything would be fine. She took a final deep breath and nudge Hayate, waking him from his slumber. He raised his head and barked when he heard another knock. He jumped off the couch and rushed toward the door, excited that they had a visitor. She stood and took a tissue to wipe off her sweaty palms. She discarded the tissue and adjusted her dress before making her way to the door.

Hayate moved out of the way so Riza could open the door without any obstruction. However, as soon as it was open, he rushed out to greet the man that had arrived.

Hayate jumped up and put his paws on Roy's thighs, seeking a satisfying scratch behind his ears.

"Hello there Hayate," Roy said, bending over slightly to pet the dog with the hand that wasn't holding the bouquet of flowers. He straightened up and turned his gaze to look at Riza. He smiled at her when he took in her appearance. She wore a short-sleeved red dress that framed her waist, flared out slightly at the hips and extended down to her knees.

From the waist down, a thin layer of lace covered the red silk and extended an inch lower than the fabric under it. The neckline fell just low enough to tease the eyes of anyone that ventured to look there. She had a red flower clip behind her ear that accentuated her skin tone and hair color beautifully.

He handed her the flowers, his words stalled because he was still stunned over her appearance. "Come in. I'll put these in some water and then we can go," she said. She let him into the apartment and guided him to the living room. "I'll be back in a second."

He nodded and watched as she left the room. He sat down on the couch roughly. He'd seen her in civilian clothing before but those outfits were nothing like she was currently wearing. He never knew she had such amazing curves under that other clothing she wore. By seeing her like this, he felt like he was receiving a great gift.

"Please don't let me screw up," Roy muttered.

Suddenly he heard a crash come from the kitchen, stood up and quickly ran into the room. He stopped at the door and sighed in relief when he saw that she was all right. She'd broken something and was picking up the shards out of the sink.

"Stupid, stupid, I should be more careful," she muttered sadly, "Now it's ruined." Roy never saw Riza in such a state over a simple item. He walked over to her to stand at her side, and stared down into the sink at the shards she was picking up.

"Need help?" he questioned. She turned to him and shook her head. "I just broke this vase. Don't you recognize it?"

Roy gazed at the white shards with small blue lilies painted on it and racked his head for where he saw it before. Suddenly it hit him.

"That was the vase that you kept in your room back at your old house. Your mother's vase."

"Yes, it was the only thing I could convince my father to let me keep," she said and picked up what would be the top of the vase.

"Got a pen and paper?" he questioned.

"Yes, there's a pad and pen in the drawer beside the phone there on the table," she said, motioning toward the table beside the kitchen entrance. Roy went over, opened the drawer, retrieved the paper and pen, and then began sketching on it.

Roy then tore the sheet from the pad and laid it on the countertop. "Give me all the pieces," he said, motioning his head toward the vase. Riza did as he asked and he laid the shards on the sheet of paper. She gazed at the sheet of paper and realized that he drew a transmutation circle upon it. He put his hands on the paper and the circle glowed blue then in a puff of smoke, her vase was fixed . . . only it was now about three inches tall.

"AGH!" Roy said, his jaw dropping. "It looks like it belongs in a child's playhouse. What went wrong? I never mess up on these things!"

He gently removed the vase from its place on the paper and sat it on the countertop. He began studying his transmutations circle closely, muttering to himself as he checked everything about the drawing.

Riza picked up the vase and studied it with a small smile: it was such a pretty little trinket. Though it couldn't hold flowers again, it would be easier to keep safe in her curio cabinet.

She watched as Roy took the pen and adjusted the circle. "Stupid mistake," he muttered. He had a bit of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth and his eyes were squinted in concentration. Riza tried not to laugh at how Roy was concentrating so hard on fixing the circle. The expression on his face looked so adorable.

"Now let's try this again," he said, sitting the paper on the countertop.

"It's all right," she replied.

He looked at her quizzically. "I can fix it."

"I don't want it fixed," she said. "This vase is full of mistakes that I want to treasure. They came from two people that are important in my life."

"Full of mistakes?" he questioned.

"My mother bought this vase as a mistake. She meant to buy something else, though she never revealed what it was. I remember I kept asking her as a child but she never told me. Then you made a mistake with your transmutation. I love it the way it is," she said softly. She had a light blush on her cheeks as she spoke. She was rarely this sentimental about things and felt a bit uncomfortable letting Roy see her that way.

Roy sat the sheet of paper on her countertop and moved his right hand up to stroke the side of her face. Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss on her lips causing her skin to tingle like small electric currents were running through it. He pulled away and grinned. "I think that is a beautiful sentiment coming from a beautiful woman."

Riza smiled at his flattering words. "You know, you should ask a girl before kissing her. You could be taking liberties you shouldn't," she teased.

Roy grinned. "All right then. Riza Hawkeye, may I kiss you?'

"No," she said and turned around to sit the small vase on the shelf beside her sink. She got another vase for her flowers and situated them in it before turning back to a stunned Roy.

"But you kissed me in the alley," he said.

"I believe you were the one that initiated that kiss as well. And without asking me I might add," she said, directing her gaze to the kitchen clock. "Shouldn't we get going?"

Roy looked at the clock and saw that it was seven thirty. "Oh shit, we are late for our reservations."

"Then let's go."

Roy nodded and they both left the kitchen. Riza retrieved her shawl from the closet and wrapped it around her shoulders before turning to Hayate. "You be a good boy while I'm gone."

Hayate barked in response and lay his head back down on his pillow.

Roy and Riza rushed out of her apartment and made their way to the restaurant.

--

"What in the heck do you mean it was given to someone else? I had a reservation for seven!" Roy snapped at the hostess.

The girl huffed and flipped her dark hair behind her shoulder. "Exactly, we only hold reservations for thirty minutes," she said.

"That's bullshit, this place holds reservations for an hour after they were made," Roy snapped.

"Not tonight they don't," she said with devious pleasure. "My father, the owner, decided that tonight after I had a lovely talk with him about ten minutes ago." She directed her gaze to Riza. "Tough luck missy, looks like the great Roy Mustang isn't so great after all, right?"

Roy growled and started to say something back to the girl but Riza cut him off before he could speak.

"Tell me something you spoiled little wench. How long did it take for Roy to turn you down?" Riza snapped. Normally she would be more polite but she really hated women that couldn't remove their head from their ass long enough to realize what fresh air was.

These types were the ones that thought all the men wanted them and that they could just have anything they wanted when they wanted it. They were going to get a reality check in the end and it was time this bitch got hers.

Riza had to admit that she was a bit confused on why Roy rejected her. She fit in the category of what Roy's normal dates were like. She was stuck up, smelled as if she rolled in vats of different perfumes, and probably wouldn't be able to fill in those little circles on standardized tests, much less know what a test actually was.

"I don't get turned down," she said haughtily. "It's losers like you that get losers like him."

"You were rejected that quick huh? You should listen to me then. I suggest if you don't want to be despised by everyone in the city that you learn some manners. Otherwise, ten years from now when those fake tits of yours start sagging and those eyelifts stop working, no man will take an interest in you whatsoever. Now, goodnight," she said.

She took Roy's arm and led him away from the bitch that was fuming at the reservation desk.

--

Roy tried to contain his laughter at Riza bitching out the woman and the look on the woman's face. She was clearly not expecting Riza to snap back. Hell, he wasn't expecting Riza to say those things either. They left the restaurant and Roy suddenly started laughing loudly.

"That was beautiful Riza," he said.

Riza smiled softly upon hearing his laughter and then looked down at the sidewalk. "Why didn't you?" she asked quietly when he stopped laughing.

"Why didn't I what?"

"Why didn't you accept her date request? She did make one didn't she?"

"She did when I was making reservations for tonight, yes," he said. "But I didn't care. I only have eyes for one woman."

"Oh and who would that be?" she questioned. She couldn't believe what he spoke.

"Rebecca Catalina," Roy said, sarcasm lacing his tone.

His response caused Riza to laugh loudly. Roy and Rebecca didn't like each other at all. If there ever came a day when they didn't insult each other when in the same room, she'd know the world was ending. "So it turned from hate to love that quickly?" she asked teasingly.

"Yep, I like raving bitches who have nothing better to do with their time than to search for a perfect man that doesn't exist," Roy said.

"Have you forgotten that she's a friend of mine?"

"Yes and I can't understand why. She's so…so…loud. Her voice is like nails scratching down a chalkboard." He stopped walking and turned Riza around gently so that she faced him. "Though, I actually can say something good about her," he said.

"What's that?"

"She has great choices in friends. In fact, I love her best friend very much."

"Love?" she questioned, her eyes widening in shock. "You love her best friend?"

"I love her best friend very much. I think I always have. I was just too stubborn to admit it to her or myself."

A mischievous smirk appeared on Riza's lips, causing Roy to raise an eyebrow. "Denny Broch won't be too happy to hear that. He loves Maria Ross you know," Riza said.

"You know better than that," he said. He leaned in to kiss her, but before his lips touched hers, he felt two fingers on them. He opened his eye and sighed.

"You didn't ask me," she said with a laugh.

"Riza, may I kiss you this time?"

"No," she said. "Maybe after dinner."

"For desert?" he questioned seductively.

"Sure, if that's all you want for desert you can have it," she said, then mentally cursed at herself for making the sentence sound so sexual.

Roy grinned and decided not to comment further. After all, he didn't want to say the wrong thing and end up with the date ending before it really began. "I guess we actually need to find a place to eat first. All the places around here are reservation only."

"Then let's get away from here and go somewhere else. I honestly don't like these fancy places anyway," she said.

Roy laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He should have known Riza wasn't the type that needed impressed with expensive restaurants. He loathed admitting that he didn't know how to date any other way. That's all the other girls he went out with wanted: the more money he spent, the better. With Riza, he had to know how to think of something creative and fun. Unlike all of the other women he dated, she was worth any learning he needed to do and any effort that he needed to make. Roy had a feeling that tonight he was going to find out exactly how to date differently and that it would be a date he would never forget.


	4. Carnival, Ex's, and Training

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 4: Carnivals, Ex's, and Training**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

**AN: Hope you like this! I am working on BKS (Best Kept Secret) at the moment as well. It was supposed to be up last week but school is really affecting my writing time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter and thanks for all of the lovely reviews for last chapter. I'm in shock over the response. **

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**Carnivals, Ex's, and Training**

After walking a short distance away from the restaurant, Roy stopped and looked at Riza. "So our options for dinner."

"Yes?"

"Well, we have the choice between the local deli and the many elegant pizza places that reside in our fair city," Roy said with a sigh he walked to the bench and sat down roughly. He was beyond frustrated at the moment. He'd wanted to take Riza on a romantic date with dinner and dancing and, not surprisingly, he failed miserably. It wouldn't surprise him if she decided to just cancel the date, walk home alone, and never speak to him again. He paled significantly. What if she decided to transfer and leave him because he failed at this? What if she reasoned that since he failed at this date, he wasn't worth following because he'd probably fail at anything else he tried? He didn't want to lose her because he loused up.

Riza stared at him for a while. After knowing him all those years she could tell when he was in deep thought about something and whether that thought was something distressful, happy, or perverted. This time, she was a bit annoyed to say, it was distressful. What she didn't' know was what he was so distressed about. Surely, he wouldn't be that distressed over a date. He'd gone out with dozens of women and from what she could tell, never sweated the small stuff and the reservations being taken was just a tiny insignificant thing. She smiled as he leaned his head back and smiled nervously at her.

"I'm sorry about this Riza," he said. "I don't know where we could go to have fun now. Maybe we can find a dance club across town if you are up to it."

"How about the carnival?" Riza said calmly; as if the fact the date screwed up meant nothing to her. Roy sat up straight and turned to look at her.

"Carnival?" he questioned.

"It on the west side of the city. It's only here for the week then it doesn't return until next year."

"You want to go to a carnival?" Roy asked, a bit shocked that Riza would want to do something like that. While he loved carnivals, she never struck him as the type to enjoy such things.

"Why not? I haven't been to one before," she said honestly, seeing nothing wrong with that fact.

Roy was stunned at what she said; she kept surprising him with ever sentence she spoke. Surely, she was joking about never going to the carnival.

"Are you serious? You mean your parents never took you to a…" Roy trailed off when he realized what he was saying. Riza's mother had died when she was a small child and her father wasn't really the doting type. In fact, her father wasn't even the father type. It was always more like her entire purpose was to be a maid. It wasn't until the day he died that he'd spoke of any kind of concern for her.

Roy stood from his seat and walked over to her. He smiled brightly at her and took her hand.

"You don't know what you are missing. Carnival's are great," he said.

Roy and Riza hailed a taxi and made their way to the carnival across town. During the ride, Roy kept his arm around her shoulders and was delighted to see that she was completely at ease with him doing so. Maybe if he didn't fuck up the rest of the date then he'd have a chance to go out with her again.

They soon arrived and after Roy paid the driver, they made their way to the gates. Roy bought two unlimited access bracelets for them instead of the tickets.

"What's the difference," Riza asked the man at the gate as he put the bracelet around her wrists, then around Roy's wrist.

"Usually if you just buy ticket access you have to buy tickets for the rides and other attractions. With this, you don't have to. You have unlimited access to everything except the games and food. "

"I see," she said.

The man looked at Roy then at her. "You two have fun tonight and don't forget to go for a ride in the tunnel of love before you leave."

"Thank you sir," Riza said, not blushing in the slightest at the comment. Obviously, Roy hadn't blushed at all either. It was obvious that the two were on a date so there was nothing at all to be embarrassed about if they were to go into the small "lovers" amusement that sometimes was a big amusement to people, that lead to even bigger amusements when they got back home. Of course, Roy didn't expect that sort of extension of the ride that night: but who knew about later extensions.

Roy slipped an arm around her waist and they walked through the entrance. The standard carnival smells and noises were abounding at the location. The smells of popcorn and cotton candy drifted through the air and the sounds of people screaming in fear and amusement reverberated through the atmosphere.

"Well, what shall we try first?" Roy questioned as Riza looked around the area, taking in her surroundings. He smiled at her and knew that her mind, even in their state of casual comfort, she was looking for any threats that could exist around them. Finally, she turned to look at him and smiled.

"I don't know. You pick. You have much more experience in these things than I do," she said.

Roy knew he could twist those words into an innuendo and from the slight blush that suddenly appeared on her cheeks after she spoke, Riza must have realized that as well. Roy grinned and decided not to play word twist at the moment. It would be a way to effectively screw things up.

"How about we go on the Ferris Wheel?" he questioned, pointing to the round amusement ride. She looked at it and then nodded.

"Looks fun," she said, not fully sure if she meant the words she spoke. Since she was a sniper, she had been posted in very high positions so she could overlook the environment before her. However, those positions weren't turning and moving in repetitive patterns.

"All right then," he said, leading her over to the line. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close against them as they waited. She tensed up at first and blushed at being this close in public but soon she relaxed and let him hold her.

Roy was really enjoying the closeness that he was sharing with Riza and did so even more when he felt the tenseness in her body disappear. He was going to rest his chin on her shoulder when he felt a tap on his. He straightened, unwrapped his arms around Riza's waist, and turned around. He paled and his heard dropped in his stomach at the person his gaze saw. Of all things to happen tonight, they just had to run into one of the many girls he kind of, sort of… dumped. Well, he didn't exactly tell them that they were dumped; he just never called them again and hoped they got the hint.

Riza turned around as well and narrowed her eyes at the woman. She was comfortable and this wench had to ruin that.

Standing there, with her hands on her hips and lips pursed was a tall red haired woman in a tight short mini dress. She tapped her heeled foot repeatedly as she scrutinized Riza from her feet up to her face: her green eyes meeting Riza's hazel ones.

"Well Roy, it looks like you are going for dumb blondes now," the woman finally said. Roy tensed up. If there was one thing Riza didn't like, it was the dumb blonde stereotype that seemed to follow her around. Sometimes she used that to her advantage, other times she became downright annoyed with it. Roy guessed that in the next few seconds, the annoyance would surface and the girl would be on the receiving end of the classic Hawkeye bitching out. Thankfully, he'd only been a spectator to the bitching skills that Riza Hawkeye possessed.

"And that's worse than a tall drag queen looking redhead with fake boobs and Botox?" Riza snapped in a tone that shocked Roy. It was much more caddy and girlish than he'd thought she'd respond with. Usually her bitching was on a much lower level.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, did you break wind? I thought I smelled something but I just thought it was your perfume," Riza said.

"Excuse me!" the girl screeched a second time, in disbelief at Riza's reply.

"Oh, are you leaving?" she said.

"NO! I am not leaving you stupid bimbo!"

"If I am so stupid then why in the hell do I not look like I have overinflated tits? Why aren't I trying to make up for my lack of brains with big breasts? Careful dear, if the wind blows you might blow into an electric pole."

The girls suddenly got this terrified look on her face. "Oh my god! I heard about that happening to a girl once!" She looked down at her boobs then back up to Riza, her eyes widened. "Do you really think that could happen to me? I did go for lighter filler!"

Riza plastered a worried look on her face. "Oh my goodness," she said with a sarcastic concern that the girl clearly didn't differentiate from a genuine concern. Riza grabbed the woman's shoulders and plastered a completely fearful and concerned look on her face. "Dear, you should get home right away. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you! You are a fellow woman after all!"

"Oh my goodness! Thank you so much!" she said, tearing up and running away quickly, her huge breasts bouncing as she did so.

Riza laughed and turned back to face the ride, paying no attention to the stunned look that was gracing Roy's handsome face.

"Riza…that was…you just…"

She turned her gaze to him and grinned slightly. "Just come out with it."

"That shocked the hell out of me," he said. "That wasn't your typical bitching out that you do when someone calls you a dumb blonde."

"I'm not always typical," she said with a grin. "I like to change things up a bit."

"Excuse me," a male voice said, interrupting their conversation.

Riza and Roy turned to see a very tall and muscular man standing there, looking extremely confused.

"Can we help you?" Riza said, mentally noting his confused look.

"Yeah, do you know where my date went? She was supposed to be waiting here," he said.

"You mean the red headed woman?" Riza questioned.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Oh, she went home to make sure her tits were efficiently inflated," Riza said, causing Roy to turn away to keep from laughing.

"Again?" the man said in a frustrated tone. Roy turned back to look at the man in shock. He

"Again? What do you mean again?" Roy asked before he realized what he was saying.

"That makes the third time this month she left because of those boobs of hers. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't love them more than me" He sighed again. "Thanks for your help," he said, and walked away dejectedly.

"I pity that man," Roy said. "How could he put up with such a bimbo?"

"You dated that bimbo too," she noted.

Roy grinned. "Went on a date with. Not dated. Why do you think I never called her back?"

"Roy…you never call any of those girls back," she said.

"I did back east," he said. "Lucile I believe was her name. I went out on three dates with her!"

Riza turned back to the ride. "Wow, three dates! Well… I guess for you three dates is like a lifetime," she said.

"Are you trying to poke a fight?" Roy questioned, a smirk gracing his lips. He was very amused at this side of Riza.

"Maybe," she said in a teasing tone.

Before he could respond to her, it was their turn to get on the ride. They were lead to one of the compartments that adorned the Ferris wheel and they entered. Riza started to sit across from him but he grabbed her hand and pulled her over to sit beside him. She smiled as the door to the compartment shut and it rose a few feet to let people into the next compartment. It continued to ascend higher and higher until they were at the very top, and enjoying a beautiful view of the city.

"Gorgeous," she said in awe, paying little attention to the many sitting beside her and who was currently focusing his gaze on her instead of the view.

"Yeah, I would definitely have to agree with that," he said. She truly looked beautiful with the moonlight shining down on her, casting her in a light bluish glow and the shining lights reflecting in her eyes.

"You aren't even looking. You can't see the view from there," she said.

"That's true, but I am not interesting in the view that much. There are more beautiful things in my presences to gaze at."

She turned to look at him with surprise and found that her face was now only an inch from his. He closed his eyes and moved to kiss her.

Two fingers resting on his lips stopped him once again. He opened his eyes to see Riza with a small smirk on her lips.

"I don't kiss on the first date," she said, her smirk an imitation of his.

Roy pulled back and looked at her with a look that Riza had a difficult time deciphering. It was as if part of it was shocked while the other was extremely upset. "But you let me kiss you when I picked you up!"

"I was caught off guard," she replied. "The first time in a while that anyone has done so I might add."

"So I should take pride in that?" He questioned as the ride started to move around slowly.

"No, you should thank your lucky stars that I didn't shoot you for doing that," she said. "Especially the kiss in the alley yesterday."

Roy leaned back and smirked. "Just why didn't you shoot me? Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you didn't. I am just curious. You didn't even have to accept my dinner invitation but you did."

"Yes, and I didn't even get dinner," she responded, causing him to laugh.

"I'll make that up to you," he replied, taking her hand in his and staring at her. She blushed slightly and turned away.

"You should really look at this view."

Riza didn't know what had gotten into her. Usually she was completely at ease around Roy but at the moment, her heart was beating quickly as if was trying to explode out of her. She was flushed and she felt like a teenager who was on her first day. She was no stranger to dating at all so it didn't really make sense that she felt this way. Then again, Roy did say that he loved her back at the restaurant. Maybe she felt this way because it was the first time anyone said that they loved her, however indirect Roy's confession was.

She felt Roy wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her closer to them. She went willingly; wanting to get closer to the man that she loved. Riza blinked in shock. Love? She loved him? Before she could organize her thoughts and come up with a definite answer, the door to the compartment they were in, opened. Riza stood quickly and left. Roy followed her, fearful that he may have said or did something wrong. Something to chase her away.

She walked ahead of him a bit, trying to organize her jumbled mind. However, he soon caught up to her and took a deep breath.

"Did I make you uncomfortable?" he said, walking beside her. He made no move to take her hand or anything of that sort.

She stopped and looked into his worried eye and at the eye patch covering the other one. It had slowly become so much a part of him that she couldn't remember how attractive he was without it. She wished that he still had his eye of course, but she had to admit that the eye patch gave him a certain bad boy charm that turned her on. She gasped inwardly but didn't show her surprise at the thoughts with an outward expression.

"Riza?"

She suddenly grabbed his hand in laced their fingers together. "No, you didn't make me uncomfortable. I was just thinking about something."

Roy lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Anything I can help you with?" he questioned.

"No, it's all right," she said.

"You sure?"

"Yes," she said, kissing his cheek as they walked.

"You never asked me for that kiss," he said with a grin.

"Doesn't count for kisses on the cheek," she replied, causing Roy to raise an eyebrow at her. He started to respond but suddenly one of his favorite amusements caught his attention: the house of mirrors.

"You want to go in there?" he questioned, motioning toward the multicolored and slightly unstable looking building. Riza lifted her gaze to the sign and once she found out what it was, she nodded.

"I'm up for it. Even if the building does look like it was put together with duct tape and Elmer's glue."

They two were able to walk past the gate to the building without buying tickets and then walked inside the structure. The metal floor clanged as they stepped up into the huge room filled with mirrors of all shapes and sizes. Riza stared into one directly across from her and saw herself taller but her face was smushed in and her lips looked huge.

"Look, it is Olivier Armstrong," she said. It was creepy how much she looked like the general when she looked in that mirror. She had to admit. She envied General Armstrong's lips and had wondered on several occasions if they were actually natural. Roy walked over to stand beside her and looked in the mirror.

"Wow, that mirror does make you look like her," Roy said.

"Yes and Jim Carrey is with her," Riza laughed. Roy gazed at his own reflection and huffed over the fact he really did look like Jim Carrey when he looked into the mirror. "Well, if anyone can make that ice bitch laugh, it's Jim Carrey."

"Please don't use the term ice bitch. I hear it too much as it is. It's a frequent name directed at me," Riza said, turning serious. Roy stared at her a minute and then wrapped his arms around her, holding her as he did for that short moment in the Ferris wheel line.

"Sorry but if it's any comfort I find you to be warm and snuggly," he said, nuzzling her neck with his nose, causing her to jump. She laughed lightly and suddenly he tickled her at her waist causing her to jump again.

"Roy stop!" she said, still laughing.

"So you are ticklish," he said. "I will make a mental note of that," he said, going for her sides again. His hands tickled them once more and then he took off, running deeper into the building. She grinned and took off after him. Every once in a while it was nice just to let loose and act like teenagers.

She finally caught up to him and grabbed him around the waist. He laughed and turned in her grasp, wrapping his arms around her. He smiled down at her and quickly kissed her forehead. She pulled away and turned to look in the mirror.

"Wow, it is Moe from the three stooges," she said, motioning to a mirror that was reflecting Roy. He gazed into it and laughed. He indeed looked like Moe in that mirror. He turned to gaze in the mirror to the right and laughed.

"Riza, why don't you sing me a tune?" he questioned. She turned to him with a confused look plastered on her face. He motioned his head to the mirror and she turned toward it. In the mirror, she looked like she weighed a ton. She quickly moved away so it would no longer reflect her and glared at Roy. "Don't say another word," she said. "Especially if it refers to an old phrase about a fat lady and singing."

Roy grinned. "Not a word," he said and walked closer to her. He extended his hand to her and she gladly took it. "Let's get out of here and grab something to…shit!"

Riza looked disgusted. "Well that's a rather odd way to describe dinner but what…"she looked in the direction Roy was looking and her mouth dropped, "shit."

She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Havoc was there with a date. However, it wasn't merely the surprise of the fact he got a date that put them in their current state. The surprise was exactly who the date was. On Havoc's arm with a slight smile on her face was none other than General Olivier Milla Armstrong herself.

Roy and Riza ducked behind a mirror and out of their sight. They then slowly peaked around to watch the two people. They were shocked to see that Olivier was actually laughing and pointed to a mirror that made Havoc look the height of Edward Elric. The two people shockingly seemed to be enjoying each other's company very much. Riza turned around to face Roy.

"Let's get out of here before they find us," she whispered, trying not to let Roy's close proximity and his smell get to her. He was devastating to her senses and it was hard to restrain herself from saying screw the rules and jumping his bones. He brought his gaze to her face and smirked. He bent down to kiss her cheek.

When he pulled away he questioned, "Didn't need permission for that one did I?"

Riza smiled softly. "No, you didn't," she answered.

"All right then. How about….here." He lowered his lips to kiss her right under her ear. Amazingly, it was the very spot that always made her go weak in the knees. She knew it had to be a coincidence that he'd chose that spot since she'd never spoken about it before. By god, if he wasn't lucky to get it on the first try.

"Well?" he questioned as he kissed the spot again. "Do I need permission to kiss here?" He kissed the spot two more times and she had to bite her lips to keep from groaning. She didn't want to groan aloud in the room but his kisses felt so damn good. She wrapped her arms around his torso as he continued to adore her neck with his lips.

"Answer me," he said, stopping his kisses.

She didn't want him to stop. She wanted to tell him that it was fine if he continued what he was doing. However, if she did that then she would probably end up making out with him in this building like two out of control hormonal teenagers.

She pushed him away gently and smiled. "Yes, since that is an intimate type of kiss that could get me worked-it would have been a good idea to ask me before that one." She screamed at herself for almost telling him how that affected her.

Roy grinned at her as he took in her appearance. He must have hit a special spot on her because her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red, and she had wrapped her arms around him, probably momentarily forgetting their location for that moment.

"You going to shoot me?" he questioned jokingly. He was greeted by a small laugh from Riza.

"Not this time," she said, turning her back to him. "You are still learning after all. That was all part of your training."

"Training?"

She turned to look over her shoulder and smiled. "Yes, training." With that, she turned back around and made her way to the exit.

Roy smiled and watched her form as it disappeared from his sight. He didn't know what to make of this flirty, personal, confident, and sexual side of Riza but he knew that he loved it.

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_**AN: Had to rewrite this chapter before I posted it because I didn't like the original chapter. The original chapter was 2000 words while this one is around 4,000. HEHE. Anyway, I hope you liked it and please drop a review. They are loved. **_


	5. Bruised Knees and Altars

_**Something in the Water **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess **_

**Chapter 5: Bruised Knees and Altars**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

**NOTE: I'm not dead. Just busy. I am working on BKS right now I promise to those who read it. I will get the next chapter out very very soon! **

**AN: Abnormal fluff, odd situations, descriptions, and all around odd behavior. If you haven't figured out that is what this fic is shoved full with then you haven't been reading very closely. LOL! **

**Note: There's a twisted conversation about altars and worshipping later in this chapter. Rest assured that it doesn't make fun of anyone's gods or anything to that nature. **

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**Bruised Knees and Altars**

When Roy exited the house of mirrors, he looked around and spotted Riza standing in the distance talking to a man. Well, it was more like the man was trying to talk to her and she was just smiling politely. Jealously shot through him. How dare a man talk to his woman like that? He started stomping toward her direction but suddenly stopped. While he had let Riza know he was in love with her she never really said anything about loving him back. His heart dropped as he watched her laugh at what the man said to her. He studied the guy then Riza.

They would make a very attractive couple, and the man wasn't a one-eyed freak. He sighed inwardly. Ever since the accident he'd lost a lot of the confidence he once had. While most women actually found the eye patch to actually be attractive he was one of three people who knew what it looked like underneath. If any of those women he dated were to see the horrible looking skin under the patch, they were shriek and run off . . . but Riza never did. And she was on a date with him, which said she most likely did have feelings for him. And she was flirting a bit…

With renewed confidence, he strolled up to her and put an arm around her shoulders. She looked at him with surprise. "Sorry it took me so long love," he said then directed his glare at the man.

"You're Roy Mustang," the man said with almost an awe-like quality. Roy was well known around the city after all.

"Yes," he said. "And this is my girlfriend, Riza."

The man bowed his head slightly and backed away slowly. "Sorry about that," he said and then tilted his hat to Riza. "Sorry Miss. I didn't know you were his girl. You two have a nice evening." The man walked away quickly, thankful that words were the only thing that was part of the exchange with the famous Flame Alchemist.

"Your girlfriend?" Riza questioned, turning her gaze toward him. Roy quirked a smirk at her but in reality he was sad over the fact she might not want to be such a thing to him.

"Don't you want to be my girl?" he asked, still not letting on that he was nervous.

Riza laughed, causing a frown to appear on Roy's face. She turned to him and cupped his face in her hands.

"You sound like a boy in high school," she said with an affectionate tone.

"I feel like a boy in high school," he replied honestly.

She lowered her hands and sighed. "Why me?"

"Pardon?"

"You could have far better looking woman than me. Why do you want me?"

"Well first of all, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Second, you are smart, fun, and loyal. Let's not forget that you can deal with my angst on a daily basis." He took her hand. "Riza you don't see me unrealistically. You don't see a hero of Ishbal, you know what really happened, and I don't have to explain to you. I don't have to hold back my feelings with you. I need you not anyone else."

Riza had to hold back the tears that threatened to burst forth. No one had ever spoken such beautiful words to her. They weren't full of false statements and flattery, even though the beautiful comment was highly exaggerated. "I…I really don't know what to say."

Roy stepped closer. "My girl?" he questioned.

"This is like something out of one of those cheesy romance movies."

"Yeah, but what's wrong with that?"

Riza smiled. "Nothing actually."

"Good," Roy said, leaning his forehead down to rest against hers. "So what do you say?"

"Yes," she said.

"So can I get that kiss now?"

Riza raised her eyebrow. "Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend because you thought it was going to get you a kiss?"

"No!" he protested genuinely. "I just think a kiss could seal the deal."

"All right," she said and kissed his cheek.

"I guess that's better than none," he said with a sigh, while wrapping his arms around her waist. "Let's go get something to eat. What do you say?"

"Sounds good," she replied and they walked to the area of the carnival sectioned off for food. As they arrived the smell of all the food it their noses.

"Damn that smells good," Roy said and looked at Riza. "What are you up for?"

"Doesn't matter to me," she said. "You choose."

"Hum… how about pizza and some funnel cake."

"Funnel cake? I've heard of them but I don't think I've ever ate one," she said.

"Are you kidding?"

"No, I'm not," she said.

"Then we will have to change that," he said.

--

They got some pizza and soda for dinner before making their way over to the funnel cake stand.

"What can I…" a woman in the booth started to say as she turned around. " Well Roy Mustang! Long time no see!"

Riza blinked. This woman was old and she was talking sixty to seventy years old. Surely, Roy didn't have a fling with this woman too. Surely, he didn't go that far with his promiscuity.

"Hello Evelyn; didn't know you would be working here this year," he said.

"Neither was I but that old man of mine happened to get sick yet again this year. If I didn't know better I would say you taught him that old trick."

Roy laughed and placed a hand on the small of Riza's back. "Evelyn, this is my girlfriend Riza. Riza, this is Evelyn Yu. She owns the small café at the end of Matewan Street."

Riza remembered Roy mentioning the place several times in the past few years but she didn't know he was on friendly terms with the owner.

"Yes, I've know this young man here when he still wore diapers!" The old lady said, causing Roy to blush.

"She didn't need to know that," he snapped.

Evelyn stared at Riza for a full minute then over at Roy. "Finally found you a keeper huh? It's about damn time," she snapped at him. "What in the hell took you so long to find her, you young Xingese degenerate?"

Roy's answer surprised Riza quite a bit. She was expecting him to bite back at her; not answer the question.

"Lack of judgment, fear, a blind eye to what was obvious. Take your pick or take them all."

"I see, well I will go for them all," the lady replied and smiled at Riza. "You snagged the most wanted man in Central, dear. It won't surprise me if you aren't approached with every women magazines in Central asking how you did it."

"Will you please just make us a funnel cake Evelyn?" Roy said with frustration.

"Oh fine," she huffed. "What do you want on it? We have chocolate, caramel, and strawberry syrups."

Roy looked to Riza. "Chocolate all right?" he asked, knowing how much she loved all things chocolate.

"Sounds good," she said.

"All right, Evelyn. That will be one funnel cake with powdered sugar and chocolate syrup."

"Coming right up," she said, turning around to the area where she fried the cakes. They waited a few minutes and soon Evelyn turned around and handed Roy a small white box. He handed it to Riza and took out his wallet. "No no no, it's on me. A present to you and your future wife here," she teased, causing Riza to blush lightly and Roy to growl.

"Evelyn," Roy warned.

"You mean you don't want to marry Riza here?" she questioned.

"No, I mean yes I do…but … um…" Roy stuttered. Why did this woman always have to pick the most inopportune times to make him all nervous?

Riza smiled inwardly. If this woman could make Roy act like this, then she definitely liked her.

"Thank you Evelyn," Roy said, deciding to get Riza out of there before the woman said something else to embarrass him.

"Yes, thank you," Riza said.

"If he ever misbehaves just knock him upside the head to keep him in line. Maybe you can get some tips from that gun harpy lieutenant that works with him. She has to deal with him on a daily basis."

Roy paled when Evelyn spoke those words: so much for getting Riza away from her to avoid any further embarrassment on his part. Roy hoped that Riza wouldn't inquire more about the gun harpy comment. He had mentioned that to Evelyn after a trying day of work at the office. He hoped like someone hoping for one more day when they were on their deathbed. Unfortunately, Roy was about to die; figuratively that is.

"Gun harpy?" Riza questioned with a tone that was like a dog whistle to Roy's ears. Her voiced had taken on a tone that no one but he could recognize. A tone that sounded completely neutral to everyone else but to him conveyed that he should put a bid of distance between himself and his lieutenant or risk substantial emotional and physical harm.

"Yes, Roy here called his lieutenant a gun harpy several times," she replied. Roy wanted to sink into the ground. Not only was he dead, but Evelyn was unknowingly digging his grave and causing him to sink into it as if he was in quicksand.

"Oh? So his lieutenant is a gun harpy huh," she said, not stating it in a questioning tone but one of merely stating a fact. She turned her gaze in his direction and sure enough, that dog whistle once again blew loud and clear, echoing in his head and making his palms sweat because of his nervousness.

"I think I'll go grab us some hot chocolate to eat with that cake. I'll be right back!" he said hurriedly and walked a few booths down to where the beverages were sold.

"What's wrong with him? He looks like someone died," Evelyn said.

"He probably thinks he's going to," Riza said, watching him as he handed some money to the vendor he was speaking with.

"Why would he think that?"

Riza turned to look at the old woman. "Because I am the gun harpy lieutenant," she answered.

"Oh… oops," the woman said with a nervous laugh. "Bet I really made him uncomfortable. Well, please don't be too hard on him. You know when it comes to the two sexes that men are actually the weaker ones. Especially, when it involves the threats that only a girlfriend and wife can make. One threat of no sex turns a man's views straight around to your line of thinking. Of course, without that threat I am sure you are able to keep him in line. You have known him all those years."

"Yes," Riza said, "I know how to handle him."

"Then good luck. Have that degenerate bring you to the café soon."

"I'll do that," she said. "It was nice meeting you."

"You as well," Evelyn replied.

Riza walked away to stand behind Roy as he turned around with two drinks. He jumped at seeing her standing there staring at him. He was relieved when there was no sign of anger anywhere on her features, nor could he detect any in her stance.

"Let's go find someplace to sit out of this crowd," she said.

Roy let out a breath that he didn't even realize he was holding until the air was actually expelled. She didn't mention it thank goodness. Maybe she would let his harpy comment slide this once. He smiled and nodded.

"There are a few picnic tables with cover over near the tunnel of love. We can eat there," he said.

"All right," she said.

They made their way back out of the food section of the carnival and over to the place Roy mentioned. They stepped upon the small platform and made their way to a table in the back of the covered area. Riza sat the box down on the table and then took a seat on the bench. Roy sat down beside her and handed her the cup.

"Hot chocolate with Marshmallows," he said with a smile. She shook her head and laughed, taking the cup from him. She flipped open the flap on the lid and took a sip. Roy opened the box and lifted out the funnel cake. He started sniffing the air above it.

"What are you doing?"

"I am making sure I don't smell one of those Xingese aphrodisiacs," he said. "I wouldn't put it past Evelyn to put one in there. "

"I suppose you would need one to sleep with a gun harpy wouldn't you," Riza growled catching Roy off guard. He smiled nervously and rubbed the back of his head.

"It was just a bad day when I said that. Really it's a compliment," he said.

"Oh? How is being called a gun harpy a compliment?"

"Well, um… okay, forget I said it was a compliment. I just said that on the spur of the moment."

"No," Riza said, once again, surprising Roy.

"No?"

"No, I won't forget it," she said. Riza laughed at the look on his face. She was teasing him and decided as revenge for the harpy comment she would have some fun with Roy's mentality at the current moment. "I want the great Flame alchemist to tell me how being called a gun harpy is a compliment."

"I… but…"

"You use logic and reasoning for alchemy. Surely, you can think of some excuse as to why it's a compliment."

"But it's not important. I mean everyone has said something they didn't mean to end an uncomfortable discussion. That's what I did with that statement about compliment."

"So you meant it as an insult after all?"

"Yes…I mean no! I mean. Damn it Riza!" he said in annoyance.

An awkward silence enveloped them for a moment. Riza took another sip of cocoa, not looking at Roy, before she finally lowered her cup and turned to him.

"I'm waiting," she said, causing him to jump ever so slightly.

"You know, there are various meanings to harpy!" he said. "A harpy is a large black-and-white crested eagle from tropic regions. They are quite beautiful so you are a gun wielding beauty!"

"Nice try," Riza said. "Have to applaud you on that."

"Why thank you," Roy said, flipping back the flap on the lid of his own cup. He took a drink.

"I am well aware Roy Mustang that you meant to call me the other meaning of harpy. Do you take me for an idiot?" she snapped, making Roy take in too much of the hot chocolate and getting choked. He sat his cup down on the table and tried to get air until his lungs. That was definitely a different tone than what he usually heard from his stern Lieutenant. Usually the tone she used to bitch him out was more of a steady solid one but this one had more of a womanly nagging quality to it.

"Now I will notify you of what a harpy is! Harpy from the Webster's dictionary states a harpy is a scolding, nagging, bad-tempered woman. In other words, a shrew. You places gun in front of that and you were calling me a gun wielding shrew!"

Roy laughed nervously. "Oh, come on. I was stressed that day. It's not that big of a deal," he said.

"How would you feel if I told the people I associate with that I was dealing with an idiotic lecher general with a god complex?"

Roy blinked. "Is that really what you think of me? I don't know where you people get that I have a god complex! I don't even believe in a god!"

"So you agree with the lecher part?"

"No! I can understand the lecher part!" he said before he thought better. "Damn it!"

"You probably got the complex when all those women fell on their knees in front of you and worshipped at your… altar," Riza said, making it fully clear that she meant the dirty connotation to that.

"Then I bet all of you dates have a god complex don't they? Are your knees bruised?" he questioned.

"Of course not but I should be the one with the god complex; yet, I don't have one," she snapped.

"And why should you have one?"

"Because I wasn't the one screaming, 'oh God,'" Riza said in an almost a prideful tone. Roy opened his mouth to reply but was at a loss for words.

Riza raised her hand to her ear trying to listen. "What's that I hear? Gasp, Roy Mustang doesn't know what to say."

Roy laughed. "No, I don't," he admitted. "You got me good with that one."

She laughed. "In all honestly I don't do that often," she said.

"Well, I don't have it done often," he said. "Despite girls dropping to their knees," he said, picking off a piece of the now cooled funnel cake and popping it into his mouth.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, pity you, or make me want to kneel before your altar and blow?"

That comment caused Roy to get chocked on his funnel cake. That came completely from out of nowhere and needless to say, that he wouldn't have expected it to come from her especially. When did Riza get such a filthy mouth? Although, he really wouldn't mind knowing her worshipping skills. He grabbed his cocoa and took several sips. Riza laughed and took a piece of cake herself. She studied it for a bit before eating it.

"That's pretty good," she said. "Wouldn't want one everyday though."

Roy finally caught his breath and glared at her. She smiled at him and all of his hostility was forgotten. He picked off another piece of cake and ate it as she did the same. Neither spoke anything until the cake was gone.

Roy finished his cocoa and threw the cup in the trash, along with the box and plate for the funnel cake. Riza took one last sip of her drink before discarding its container as well. Roy turned toward her and smiled.

"What now?" he questioned. Riza smiled and lifted her hand to his face. She wiped a bit of chocolate away from the corner of his mouth then smiled.

"You had chocolate there," she said.

"I would have preferred if you'd kissed it away," he said.

"I bet you would have," she replied, standing up from her seat. He stood as well and walked over to her. He bent his head and kissed the corner of her mouth gently.

"Did I have chocolate on my lips as well?"

"Maybe," he said with a grin.

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**AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review if you so wish. They are much appreciated. **


	6. Love Expressed Differently

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 6: Love Is Interpreted In Different Forms. . . Some are like WTF**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

**AN: Hope that you enjoy the chapter. **

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**Love Is Interpreted In Different Forms. . . Some are like WTF**

Riza and Roy made their way around the different vendors and played a few games. Riza tried a shooting game and ended up embarrassing the man who ran it by loudly notifying him that his sights were off by quite a few centimeters. Then she admonished him for having the gall to trick people like that. Despite the lousy sights on the gun, she ended up winning a new dog collar for Hayate.

Roy ended up winning her a charm bracelet by pitching baseballs. When she inquired about his pitching skills, she was surprised to learn that he'd played a lot during his childhood. She figured he was more of the bookish type. After Roy helped her put the bracelet on her wrist he lifted her hand and kissed it. That tiny gesture was so sweet that Riza just wanted to melt where she was standing.

They then began to walk through the crowds toward the place where there was a band playing beautiful music and people here dancing with each other slowly. Roy let Riza step to the front first then wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. She turned her head to look at him and smiled.

"Want to dance?" he questioned, causing her to pull away and turn to face him. "I couldn't give you a proper dinner but I could give you a proper dance right?"

She smiled and nodded, "I'd like that."

Roy took her hand and led her out to where the other dancing couples were. He places his hands on her waist as she rested her hands on his shoulders. Suddenly, the comfort that they'd been feeling with each other was gone, replaced by an awkward feeling.

"Why are we so tense?" she questioned, knowing he felt it as well. "I was fine just a minute ago.

"I know what you mean. There's just something off about this. Don't get me wrong, I want to dance with you but-"

Roy was cut off when a pair of dancers bumped Riza, causing her to hit against him, pressing her against his body. She blushed and pulled away from Roy as the other set of dancers stopped and apologized before continuing their dance. However, Roy should have thanked the dancers because by bumping into Riza, they'd made him realize why the feeling had appeared. Roy laughed, causing Riza to turn to him with surprise.

"What's so funny?"

"I've figured it out," Roy said.

"Figured out wha-" she didn't get to finish her sentence as Roy wrapped his arms around her and pressed her against his body, his arms wrapped around her waist tightly this time.

"Our distance," he said.

She thought for a moment and realized that she was no longer feeling tense up there dancing. She moved her arms up to circle his neck and rested her head on his shoulder as he held her. She took a deep breath and enjoyed the scent of ash mixed with his cologne.

"We've been so close all night that our separation during this dance made us feel awkwardly," Roy explained, just in case Riza hadn't figured it out.

He felt her nod and the two began dancing to the beautiful slow song. Soon, all of their focus soon drifted to only each other. Their breathing patterns, their heartbeats, the way the song drifted over them; it was all like an invisible string that wrapped around them and held them together, made them comfortable under the public eye. It was entangled with the red string of fate that had always been tied in so many knots that no one could every break or untangle it.

The song soon ended and Riza pulled away and smiled at Roy. Her heart was beating like a teenage girl during her first dance with someone she loved. Just having Roy hold her like that and not feeling any sexual intentions toward her, made her feel very treasured. Treasured was something she'd never felt before in her entire life. She didn't exactly have many people in her life that was a loving type after all.

Roy lifted a hand to stroke her face then moved it to take her hand again.

"Let's go," he said.

Riza nodded and took a step beside him before he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her away from the dancing and music.

"What now?" she questioned. He led her to a set of picnic tables and overhang similar to the one where they ate. That part of the park was void of many people so they had a bit of privacy.

"I just want time with you," Roy said, in a soft voice, full of emotion. "Just time alone."

Riza never thought she'd hear a tone like that come from the cocky man standing before her. From the man that treated women like playthings for so long.

Riza stared into his eye, which would have given her a heart attack if she'd had a weak heart. His eyes held abject adoration for her. No lust was there, no hidden intentions, just pure and utter…love.

The look was enough to cause tears to form in her eyes. He had no clue how much it meant to her to see that come from him. To see that come from the man that she loved more than life.

She stepped toward him and reached up to stroke the side of his face that wasn't covered by the eye patch. Then she brought her lips up to brush lightly against his. As she closed her eyes, tears were forced out and they flowed down her cheeks. She pulled away and kissed him lightly again before he closed his eye and wrapped his arm around her waist to kiss her back.

The kiss was soft their tongues slowly exploring each other's mouths, occasionally leaving the crevice to lick at their lips. Riza pressed herself tighter against him, wanting to be as close as possible to the man she adored, and Roy made no complaints.

Soon, they had to pull away to get air and Roy lifted his hand to the back of Riza's head and pulled her head so that it rested on his shoulder.

They stood there for a long time, just sharing in the feelings that were equally reverberating throughout their bodies.

"It's getting late," Roy said, not really wanting to break up the loving and passionate atmosphere that surrounded him but knowing it was needed.

"Yeah," she said, and pulled away from his grasp. "I guess we should get going."

Roy nodded and wrapped his arm back around her waist, a position that had become extremely affectionate tonight. Riza leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked. It was an exceedingly feminine thing to do but she was a woman after all and being this feminine wouldn't hurt anything.

"Hey, you look like a loving couple. You aren't leaving without riding the tunnel of love are you?" a voice questioned.

Roy and Riza turned to the man to look at him and then turned to each other.

"Want to?" Roy questioned.

Riza smiled and nodded.

They passed through the gates and got into one of the pink swans that were part of the ride.

"Why does the fact that this swan is pink and looks like my drag queen cousin disturb me."

Riza laughed as Roy helped her get into the swan shaped boat. "I would be disturbed too if I had a cousin as ugly as that swan," she said, sitting down.

Roy grinned, sat down beside her, and put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

"Have a good time folks," he said, as the swan made its way into the dimly lit amusement. The hall they stopped in for a moment was dark.

"Wonder what this section is for?" Roy said.

"Probably to give the couples a chance to get undressed," Riza joked, causing Roy to laugh.

Roy leaned in to kiss her cheek as the ride started up. They went through a doorway covered with beads and their faces dropped. They expected something beautiful and romantic. Maybe something with a nice candle glow with a light scent of honey suckle. Instead, they were greeted with something else entirely.

"It looks like a Care Bear regurgitated in here!" Roy exclaimed.

Riza, who was stunned at the horrible sight, could only nod. Besides, she couldn't word it nearly as well as Roy did. Everything was different shades of pink and even the light was a pinkish type. There were pig tail looking …things… hanging down from the ceiling and a rose smell dominated the place, so strong it made Riza sick to her stomach. There were tons of deep red hearts along the walls and big ugly cherub statues that looked like they were possessed. Riza gazed down at the water and withheld a shudder at the pink liquid that met her eyes.

"Even the water is pink. It looks like there's blood in it," Riza whispered to Roy. Roy gazed over the side of the swan, cringed, and returned to his previous position.

"Maybe there are sharks," he joked.

"Oh honey! Isn't it so cute!" a familiar voice said. Riza and Roy looked ahead of them to see Roy's previous "girlfriend" with her man.

"If so, can I push her in?" Riza questioned.

"Apparently she got refilled," Roy said with a chuckle.

The swan started to move and apparently, the two in the swan in front of them took this as a hint to start making out.

"Why they call this the tunnel of love is beyond me," Riza said.

"It reminds me of a cheaply made high school set for a play." The two people in the swan in front of them moaned.

"And a cheap porn," Riza said.

"Um… wonder if there's an emergency exit," Roy said.

"Doubt it, but if I don't get out of here I'm going to make one," she said. Roy suddenly jumped over the edge of the swan, the water coming up to his knees.

"What are you doing?" she questioned and was very surprised when he held out his hand to her.

"Let's get the hell out of here," he said.

Riza laughed and took his hand, carefully jumping out of the swan since she was wearing heels. They took off running past all the other lovers in the ride, the water kicking up as they did so and splashing everyone that they passed. They soon spotted the light at the end of the tunnel and it brought them much joy.

"I saw the light," Roy said, happily, causing Riza to laugh. Unfortunately that laugh would be cut off as Roy tripped over something under the water and fell in. he didn't' let go of her hand so she followed down into the pink water. She sat up and frowned as Roy started to apologize. He was cut off when Riza reached up to take one of the heart shaped lily pads that floated on the water, off his head. Then she started laughing. Roy chuckled and soon that sound erupted into a loud laugh.

He stood up and extended his hand to her, which she gratefully took, and stood. They rushed out the doors to be greeted by a strange look from the man that ran the tunnel.

"What the … are you guys all right?" he asked, with concern upon seeing their soaked state.

"Fine psychically, but emotionally is another story. I hope you never get sued for emotional trauma for that…attraction."

Riza withheld a chuckle at his comment and when they walked away and were out of hearing range, she laughed.

"That was disturbing," she said, letting go of his hand and ringing out her hair.

"My place is close by here actually. Would you like to drop by there and get dried off? Then I can walk you home if you want."

"Why not just walk me home now?" she teased.

Roy grinned. "It is getting chilly. You should get dried off first or you will get a cold."

"You don't get a cold from being cold," she said.

"All right then, do you really think that water doesn't have some sort of germs in it. It is a place where people make out and do whatever else," Roy noted.

Riza wrinkled her nose and nodded. "Your place it is."

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**AN: The fact that they fell in the water isn't the reason for the title. That comes later. This date just sets things up a bit. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review. Reviews makes me say Wheeee and spin around in my desk chair. Sorry, I am really hyper tonight  
**


	7. Not That Kind of Girl…OhWhat the hell!

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 7: Not That Kind of Girl…Oh..What the hell!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

**AN: Hope that you enjoy the chapter. This chapter is limish. You have been warned. ****Thank you to my boyfriend for the sweatshirt suggestion and for help with the lime idea. **

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**Not That Kind of Girl…Oh..What the hell! **

Roy and Riza hailed a cab and rode to his place. Normally they would have just walked but the night air was becoming quite chilly and the journey on foot would likely become uncomfortable. It seemed like only a very short time before they arrived at Roy's house. Roy paid the cabby and both of them exited the cab and made their way to his door as they heard the car pull away.

Roy reached into his pockets to retrieve his keys when he paled.

"Shit," Roy said.

"What is it?" Riza questioned.

Roy walked over to a small plexy glass topped table that he had on his porch and began to empty his pockets.

"I must have lost my keys when I fell in that tunnel of terror."

"Well that shouldn't be a problem," Riza said.

"Oh really?" he questioned, now filled with hope that Riza had an idea.

"Sure, where do you keep your spare key?"

Roy was shoving his items back in his pockets when he said, "What do you mean?"

Riza bent down at the doormat and lifted it up. "The spare key."

Roy looked up at her. "Oh, it's in the house," he said, looking at her and wondering exactly why she lifted up his doormat.

Riza dropped the mat and stood straight. "Your spare key is in the house?" she questioned incredulously.

"Yes," he said. "Where else would it be?"

Riza couldn't believe what she was hearing. Roy was so intelligent yet he didn't…she couldn't even think it. This beat all of the lack of common sense things that Roy did. Okay, maybe not all of them. He trying to fight Scar in the rain wasn't a very good one. Oh, and him leaving for the Northern outpost was also on the list of lack of common sense things. Oh, and she couldn't forget …okay maybe it didn't beat it but it was definitely on the list somewhere.

"Roy…the purpose of a spare key is to hide it somewhere outside so that if you lose your keys you will have a key to get _IN _the house," she said, letting her annoyance display through the tone in her voice.

"Yes Riza, I am well aware of that," he said, getting annoyed as well. "If you were a state alchemist, you wouldn't leave a spare key just lying around."

"I didn't say a damn thing about lying around. I said, you were supposed to hide it!" she snapped. She despised it when people put words in her mouth.

"All right all right," he said, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Do we really want to argue over something so stupid?"

"It wasn't an argument; it was a discussion," she said with a small smile, as she took in his body heat and his scent. "Anyway, we need to find a way inside. I could shoot the doorknob but that wouldn't be a good idea considering the door is glass and it looks expensive.

"Um… I could use alchemy…"

Riza blinked. She really felt like an idiot for not thinking of that. "Then let's do that."

Roy pulled away and took her hand, leading her off the porch.

"Where are we going?"

"It would be easier to do this at the laundry room door."

"Oh," she said, following him. Roy picked up a rock so he could scratch a symbol in the door. Roy knelt in front of the door and started to scratch in the symbol when Riza placed her hand on the doorknob and it twisted slightly.

"Roy, I think-"

"Just a second Riza and we will be inside," he cut her off.

She gave the knob a slight twist as Roy leaned closer to make sure he was drawing the circle perfectly. It wouldn't do for him to shrink his entire home into a doll's house.

"Roy, I think your-"

"And then I'll give you something dry to dress in," he said, cutting her off once again. Finally, she just twisted the knob and opened the door he was leaning on, causing him to fall forward.

"Your door was open," she said.

Roy sat up and faced her. "Oh," he said, stood up, and flicked on the light switch. Riza stepped in the room and shut the door behind her.

"It wasn't a good idea to leave this open. Though, I am somewhat thankful you did so."

"Like people are going to steal a washer and dryer? Oh! They might get my detergent!"

This caused Riza to laugh lightly.

"Now to get this door," he said, facing the door that went to the kitchen. He turned the knob to make sure it was locked, then kneeled. Before he could start scrawling, a bullet hit the side of the door and it swung open. He turned and looked at Riza, shocked.

"It looked like you were overdue for a new door anyway," she said.

Roy looked at the old door that had seen better days and nodded. "Yeah, you are right," he said.

They went into the kitchen and Roy flipped on the light. Riza shut the door behind her and sat her purse on the table.

"Let me go get you something to change into. This way," he said, walking out of the kitchen. Riza smiled softly and looked around the black and white kitchen. She laughed inwardly. It was spotless and she reasoned that fact was because he rarely used it. She left the kitchen and was surprised to find that the rest of his house was spotless. She'd never been in this house before but his previous one always looked like a war zone.

She followed him to his room and saw him rummaging through his closet. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to ward off the chill that was engulfing her body. She started gazing around the bedroom, taking in the décor. With its pinkish walls and white curtains, she knew it was likely that Roy's mother did the decorating. She directed her gaze to a huge four-poster bed situated against the wall. It was adorned with a simple black comforter and two pillows. She looked to the right to see a bunch of pillows piled on the floor carelessly.

"Something wrong?" he questioned, causing her gaze to snap back to him.

"No, there's nothing wrong at all," she said.

Roy handed her a fuzzy sweatshirt. "This is all I have that is warm and that you can actually keep on. I think my pants might fall off," he said and realized how she could possible take that comment. "I mean you wouldn't be able to keep your pants on. Argh! I mean my…" Roy stopped and cursed.

Riza took the sweatshirt from him and kissed his cheek. "I know what you meant," she said.

Roy grinned at her. "You can take a hot shirt…I mean shower in there if you'd like." He motioned his head to the door that was about six feet away from his bed. I'll take one in the bathroom across the hall."

"I don't want to put you out of your own bathroom," she said.

"Don't worry about it. I like the idea of you in the shower…Damn, I mean you can use that one. I prefer the one in the hall anyway."

Riza blushed slightly at his shower comment. What made it even better was that it was clearly a Freudian slip, which meant subconsciously he really enjoyed the thought of her in the shower. She was almost tempted to invite him in with her. She blushed deeper and turned her back to him.

"Thank you," she said and rushed into the bathroom without making her rushing evident to Roy. She shut the door behind her and smiled softly.

Roy grinned, grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, and went to take a shower. As he suspected, he finished his shower and dressed before Riza. He left the bathroom where he took his shower and gathered his clothes in his arms to stick in the dryer. He went into his bedroom and up to the door to the bathroom where Riza was taking her shower.

"You can use the dryer in the laundry room to dry your clothes," he said. He tried to block out the mental pictures of hot water cascading down Riza's beautiful body and the desire to be under that hot spray with her.

"All right. Thank you Roy," she said, her voice barely audible because of the water running in the shadow. He was actually surprised that she could hear him.

"Want some hot coffee?" he questioned.

"Sounds good. Thank you," she said, still barely audible.

Roy left the bedroom and made his way down the hall. Suddenly heard something hit the floor with a slight jingle. He turned around to see his keys laying there and growled. He dropped all the clothing, except the pants, to the floor and checked the pockets, sure enough; there was a hole there. He laughed and picked up his keys.

He walked into the laundry room and stuck his clothing in the dryer before making his way to the kitchen. He laid his keys on a latch by the door and stared at the spare set. A sudden desire washed over him to give the spare keys to someone, and that someone was currently in the shower. He walked over to the pot and began to fix a pot of strong coffee. He had to admit that it felt quite odd for Riza to be in his house and using his shower. Yes indeed, it was odd but he found it very pleasant as well. Out of all the women that had been in this house, she was definitely the most welcome and the only one that he loved.

Roy turned when he heard footsteps behind him, nearly freezing at how cute Riza looked in his old grey sweatshirt with the blue peeling letters that once could be read as Amestris Central City Military Academy. The sweatshirt came down to mid-thigh.

Apparently, she didn't notice his staring because she went right through the kitchen and into the laundry room. She turned the dryer off, threw her clothing in, then closed the door, and turned the dryer back on. Roy walked over to the spare set of keys and stepped into the laundry room.

"I found my keys," he said, causing her to turn to him. "There was a hole in my pocket and apparently they sunk down in the pants leg."

Riza laughed. Roy walked over to her and held up his spare keys.

"Those the spares?" she questioned, noting that they weren't on any significant type of keychain other than a round metallic hoop.

"You need to put those where they will be safe in case you get locked out again," she said.

"All right," he said. He took her hand and put them in it, the closed it around them.

She looked down at his hand and then back up to him questioningly.

"I want you to have them. Feel free to come and go here as much as you want," he said.

"Don't you think it's sudden to trust me with your keys?"

"Riza, I never thought I'd hear such a dumb question come from you," he said.

"Just how is that dumb?"

"I've known you for years and I've trusted you with my life for years. Do you not think I would trust the woman I love with something as insignificant as keys when she has my heart already?"

Riza laid the keys on the washer beside her and wrapped her arms around him. "Sweet talker." She then brought her lips to his gently.

He pulled away promptly and smirked at her.

"You didn't ask me. Shame on you and in my house too," he said.

She laughed. "Shut up and kiss me."

"Okay," he said, moving one hand to rest on her hips while the other moved to the small of her back.

He pressed her against his body and molded his lips to hers. When she groaned, he pressed her even tighter against him. Her hands moved up to twist in his dark hair as her lips worked frantically against his. His body never felt the way it did right now. He never had such a desire to claim a woman before in his life. He wanted her and the thought of any other man touching her like this made his blood boil.

He trailed the hand at her waist down her thigh but then suddenly stopped. He broke the kiss and stared at Riza, his breathing pace increased more than normal. Upon observing the woman in his arms, he saw that she was in much of the same state. His eyes landed on those reddened lips of hers that were begging to be kissed repeatedly.

"Why'd you stop?" she questioned with a breathy tone.

"If I didn't I wouldn't have been able to stop," he said.

Riza backed him against the wall and pressed herself tightly against him. "Good, then don't."

Roy didn't know what to think of Riza's actions. The fact that she was so willing to give herself to him both surprised and touched him. It's just that this seemed so out of character for the woman that he'd always held as having a very high self-control.

He groaned when she nibbled his earlobe then whispered. "We've been skirting around this for too long...General."

That did it, every single solitary doubt that he had about Riza's willingness and the properness of their actions completely evaporated.

He pushed her back so she hit against the warm dryer and pressed his lips to hers in an opened mouth kiss. His hands slid down her body to her thighs and he lifted her to sit on the dryer. Her hands moved down to his shirt, tugging at the fabric to remove what she deemed an obstruction to his warm yet pale skin. He pulled away from the kiss to shrug off his shirt to reveal a muscular torso. His arms then wrapped around her and pulled her to the edge of the dryer.

His lips moved to her neck and ran his tongue over her skin, tasting a hint of the soap that she'd washed with. She leaned her neck back and groaned, turning him on more than he thought ever possible. All that time he thought there was only one type of level of arousal but now he realized that it was much more than the hardening of himself. True arousal came when you truly loved the person you were with; when you wanted to make them feel good and not merely want them for a temporary escape from reality.

His hands trailed to the end of the sweatshirt and then lifted it off her, revealing her bare and beautiful body. He stared at her for a moment and then lifted her off the dryer. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into his bedroom, the coffee percolating in the pot and the clothing in the dryer forgotten.

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**Please review. They make me sing I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts. . . Well they don't really, but they do make me happy! **


	8. A Lovely Weekend

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 8: A Lovely Weekend**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

**AN: Hope that you enjoy the chapter.**

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**A Lovely Weekend**

The sunlight streaming through the sheer, lace curtains over his bedroom window hit Roy's face, warming it and slowly drawing him out of his dreamless sleep. He groaned and moved his head down to hide his eyes from the offending rays that were calling him into consciousness but the scent that greeted him woke him instead. His eyes opened instantly and he was greeted with a head full of beautiful blond hair. This was when a huge smile appeared on his face. That gorgeous blond hair belonged to the woman he loved, Riza Hawkeye. She stirred and cuddled closer to him, causing him to smile even wider. He bent his head and leaned his cheek to rest against the top of her head. He closed his eyes and realized that this was the very first time he was completely relaxed in bed with a woman after sex. Usually he left as soon as he woke up, thought there were a few exceptions made with women that he was fond of but never loved.

Riza turned around and snuggled her face into his chest. Roy expected her to wake up but she didn't. He felt the tiny puffs of her breath hit his chest in a rhythm that indicated she was still sleeping.

He looked over at the clock on his nightstand and signed. He knew Riza would want to be up at this time because she ran her errands on Saturdays and she was a very schedule oriented human being. She might be angry if he let her sleep any longer. He rolled her over on her back and her eyes opened, instantly away (probably a testament to the training she had as a sniper.)

"Good morning," Roy said. He was surprised when Riza wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss but he very happily returned it. When he pulled away, he saw her smile at him brightly.

"Good morning," she replied, wrapping her other arm around his neck.

"I didn't want to wake you up but I know you have things to do on Saturday. If I had my way I would have held you here longer."

Riza nodded. "I was comfortable," she said. This room is really relaxing but you didn't really decorate this did you?"

"Madam Christmas and the girls had a field day with this entire house except my study."

"Evelyn didn't have anything to do with it?"

"Evelyn would never decorate a room like this. It might have actually suited me if Evelyn would have done it."

"So why didn't they do the study?"

"Because I didn't want them to."

Riza raised an eyebrow at him. "It was the only room you had the guts to defend huh?"

"Yeah," Roy admitted with a sigh.

Riza laughed and ran her hand through the hair at the back of his head. Roy let out a sound that resembled a purr and lowered his face to rest in the space between her neck and shoulder, kissing it occasionally as her hands rubbed his head.

"I normally don't sleep with guys on the first date. I think you should know that," she said.

"I see," he said and kissed her skin.

"I normally don't even sleep with guys on the second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth date either."

Roy rose up to rest on his forearms so that he could stare at her. She turned her head and directed her gaze to his door. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I'm not a girl that falls on her back for just anyone. I'm not a-"

Roy moved a hand to his chin and turned her head toward him. "Look at me," he said. She directed her gaze to his.

"I know you aren't a slut, whore or any of those other derogatory things that you are think I think. "

Riza smiled and kissed him once more before sighing. "I should get going. Hopefully my clothing is dry."

"Do you have to go?" he questioned with a frown.

"Like you said, I have stuff to do and I have to get home to feed Black Hayate."

Roy moved down to trail a line of kisses along her jaw line. "Yeah, I suppose," he said.

"You busy today?" she questioned.

"No," he said. "Why?"

"Want to come with me?"

"Spend the entire day with you?"

"Yes," she said.

"An entire day with the person I love most in this world. . . Sounds incredibly appealing. I think I'm going to accept that."

Riza blushed and kissed him. "Good, now get off."

Roy nuzzled her neck once again. "I thought you needed to leave," he said.

"I do, that's why I told you to…ROY!" she said with a laugh.

Roy chuckled and rolled off her and onto his back. "Come on, you had that one coming."

"I suppose."

Much to his surprise, she crawled on top of him and straddled his body. She looked at the clock and grinned mischievously, much to both Roy's surprise and delight. He loved Riza and her "bedroom persona was just one of her many sides that had wormed its way into his…heart.

She directed her gaze back to him and bent to barely brush his lips. "I suppose one hour behind wouldn't be too bad," she said and moved her hand down to his manhood.

Roy returned her grin. "No, I suppose not. In fact, definitely not."

--

Roy took a shower and dressed in some clean clothing, while Riza had to dress back into her clothing from the previous night. She would shower and change when she got back to her place. They left his house and after a bit of walking, Roy hailed a taxi since he knew Riza probably wouldn't want to walk home in the clothing she donned.

When they arrived at her place, Roy paid the driver and they made their way up to her apartment. As soon as she opened the door, Hayate bounded toward her happily. She kneeled in the floor and scratched him behind his ears.

"Sorry I'm late Hayate," she said. She knew she was forgiven by the dog when he barked and licked her cheek happily." She stood straight and they walked inside. Roy smiled and patted the dog when he entered. He followed Riza into the kitchen and watched as she put some food and water in the bowl for Hayate then turned to him.

"You want some breakfast?"

"Nah, if you want we can go by Evelyn's diner to grab something," he said. "I did promise we would stop by there."

"All right," she said. "You can go in the living room and wait if you'd like. It's more comfortable in there. I need to take a shower and change clothes."

"All right," he said and walked into her living room. He went over to the mantel of her small fireplace to look at the pictures that were situated atop it. There was a picture of her holding a gun and Rebecca standing beside her. Rebecca had a smile on her lips and Riza looked rather surprised that someone had a camera. There was the one of him and Maes when he became a state alchemist. He figured that Maes gave it to her since she wasn't there and he hadn't given her a picture. Then there was one of the two of them standing in their uniforms and both of them smiling slightly. He knew Maes took that one as well because he had that copy. Both of them were at the military parade in that one. However, there was one that he wasn't expecting. There was one of just him, leaning back in his desk chair…asleep.

In the back of the group of pictures, there was one leaning against the wall. It was a picture of Riza and her father. As always, her father wore that stern look and she had no expression at all. It was as if this pose was completely forced. He didn't really understand why Riza kept this picture among all the happier ones. Sitting beside that picture, there was a sepia toned photo of a woman that he'd never seen before. He picked it up to get a closer look. She was a stunning woman with wide eyes and long dark hair. She had a radiant smile on her face, probably because of the little bundle in her arms.

"That's my mother," he heard Riza say. He looked up to see her standing at the door. She was wearing that black dress with the white jacket. He loved seeing her in that outfit. He knew she had very few clothes other than uniforms and this was his favorite out of all the casual outfits that he'd seen her wear. Her hair was still wet and she was running a comb through it. She walked over to him and looked at the picture. "I never knew her and this is the only picture I managed to find in the entire house. I think my father got rid of all the pictures when she died. I don't know why this one was even still there.

"Doesn't your grandfather have any?"

"Only of her as a teenager," she replied.

"I see," he said. "Perhaps your father left this one alone for you."

"My father wasn't that kind Roy. You know that."

"He loved you. He just didn't know how to show that."

"Hum… perhaps."

"You loved him didn't you?"

"Yes," she said. "Part of me did I suppose."

Roy smiled at the picture. "You are beautiful just like her."

"Other than being female there is no resemblance whatsoever. I look like my father. Blond hair, hazel eyes, skin tone, all of it is just like my father's."

"Maybe you got her personality instead."

Riza shook her head. "Grandfather said that my mother was extremely elegant and not very stern with people. I'm the direct opposite."

"You got her elegance from her. If only you could see you, dance, fight, or the way you act at a ball from the perspective of another person. You would see that you definitely inherited that trait. Though I would have to say, you got your sternness and work ethic from your father. Whether it's genetic or not, I don't know. Perhaps you got those traits from the way her raised and treated you instead."

"Perhaps, though it doesn't really matter. Both of them would be ashamed of what I've become."

"If it's any comfort, I wonder if Madam Christmas, my birth mother, and Evelyn feel the same way. I wonder if they are ashamed of me all the time. Those women were all mothers to me and I feel like I let them down sometimes."

Riza nodded. "I don't think you have. You've done so much for this country. How could they be anything else but proud?"

"You've helped me. I think that your mother would like that. I can tell from the picture that she was very loving to you. Your father on the other hand…well, he'd probably be ranting and raving at us both for a bit."

"Then he'd forget it," Riza said.

"Yeah," Roy said with a chuckle. He lifted his hand to one of the damp strands of Riza's hair. He leaned in to kiss her lightly. "What do you say we get going?"

"Need to let my hair dry first," she said.

Roy nodded and walked over to the radio. "What are you doing?" she questioned as he flipped the dial and some classical music came over the speakers, filling the room with a beautiful melody of strings and wind instruments. He walked over to her, bowed slightly, and extended his hand, knowing that he didn't need to make a verbal request. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her close to him.

"I feel like I'm in one of those romance movies," she said.

"Then as a boyfriend I am doing my job," he said as he twirled her once. She pulled her head away from its resting spot on his shoulder to stare at his face. She touched his scruffy cheek and laughed. "You forgot to shave this morning."

"Yeah, I was sort of distracted," he replied.

When the song ended, Riza smiled at him and hugged him tightly. "That was lovely," she said.

"Glad you liked it. We will have to go out and do some danc…"

He stopped talking when Riza shook her head. "I don't want to go out anymore."

Roy's heart dropped. Was she breaking up with him? But…but…she loved him, he loved her, and she seemed so happy. "I like spending time with you at home."

He let out a deep breath and she pulled away.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," he said, lifting a hand to hear still damp hair. "You don't own a hair dryer?"

"No," she replied. "Sorry about that. I guess it puts me even more behind schedule."

Roy took her hand and led her over to the couch where the sunlight was beaming through the large window. They both sat down and Riza leaned against him and closed her eyes, enjoying both the warmth of the sunlight and the warmth of his body. Little did she know that she wouldn't get a change to do her Saturday errands because both of them drifted off to sleep there on the couch and in each others arms.

--

Roy ended up spending the night there on Saturday and accompanying her to do her errands on Sunday. She'd found that the market was less crowded since most people were at church. A new religion had popped up and spread like wildfire. She hoped that the …for lack of a better word, development, of this new religion wouldn't create much tension. The last thing she wanted to happen was another war. If that were to happen, she would leave the country, dragging Roy and her friends with her. She was no coward but she refused to pull the trigger for such a stupid reason such as religious difference or intolerance. Then again, was there ever a good reason for a war? Fortunately, everything was going very peacefully and people seemed to be a lot happier now. Since the council gained control, everything was peaceful other than that attack from the other world.

"I think I'm going to start doing my errands this time every week. It takes less time," Riza said to the man walking beside her. Roy had one arm around her shoulder and the other was carrying her grocery bag. She felt a bit odd doing these types of things with someone, especially with Roy because with him she felt like she was a…wife.

"Well well well! Isn't that cute? You two didn't elope did you?" a familiar voice said. Roy and Riza groaned at the same time and turned around to see Rebecca and Maria standing there.

"When's the wedding?" Rebecca teased.

"Shut it," Riza stated, not in the mood to be teased. She was enjoying her "wife" moment.

"Well, aren't you grumpy?" Rebecca glanced at Roy and a mischievous looked crossed her features. Roy prepared himself for her words. However, he didn't expect that she would hit below the belt.

"If she's that grumpy you must not being doing much of a good job in the sack."  
"Rebecca!" Riza and Maria said, wide-eyed. They couldn't believe what she said to him!

"You must be mistaken Rebecca. You see… a sack has nothing to do with our bedroom time. You must be mistaken since you are so used to your men putting a sack over your head during sex."

"What in the hell do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," he snapped. "That you are an ugl-"

He was cut off when Riza put a finger to his lips. "Please don't egg her on. Let's just go back home."

That comment got Rebecca to stop fuming. "You moved in together!" Both she and Maria yelled.

"No!" Riza and Roy both said at the same time.

"Then …"

"See you at work," Riza said, taking Roy's hand and walking away, Roy following.

"Think we need to prepare for a wedding soon?" Maria questioned.

"Definitely."

-0-0-0-

Roy and Riza went back to her apartment and he helped her put up her groceries. After doing so, she walked over to him, put her head against his chest, and began laughing. Roy was quite confused; one minute she was angry over Rebecca's teasing the next she was laughing.

"What's so funny?" he questioned.

"The sack comment you made. Rebecca has been driving me crazy with sexual comments regarding you so it was very funny to see her get pissed off. I love my friends but by god they can drive me nuts."

"I know the feeling. Well, I used to," Roy said, saying the second sentence in a lower tone. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Maes?" she questioned.

"Yeah, he used to constantly tease me about women. You in particular."

"Me?"

Roy nodded. "He knew I loved you before I realized it. I wish I'd listened to him sooner."

Riza smiled and kissed him softly.

"I guess I should get going. I've spend all weekend with you."

"Getting sick of me already?" she questioned.

"Thought the feeling was opposite. You haven't had time alone since Friday."

"Don't go," she said. "You can stay here tonight too. I have one of your uniforms that you left in my luggage during a mission so you'll have something to dress in."

Roy grinned. "All right then. Sounds good," he said. "But I don't have any clothes to sleep in."

Riza laughed and pressed her body against his.

"You won't need clothes for that," she said and kissed him.

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**AN: In the next chapter, the comedy comes back I promise. Hope you enjoy this and please drop a review. **


	9. Slicking the Barrel

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 9: Slicking the Barrel**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

**AN: Hope that you enjoy the chapter. Limish! My boyfriend and I had too much fun writing this. It had us laughing with some of the ideas we had. We hope you like it. **

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**Slicking the Barrel**

Roy and Riza were greeted with a bunch of looks when they entered the office the next morning. Apparently, Rebecca felt privy to notifying Havoc and the rest of the Mustang team that she and Roy were now together. Riza noticed that when she or Mustang directed their gaze at them they would look down at the papers on their desk: papers that were most likely void of their handwriting.

"Yes, we are together. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't act like I'm going to kill you for actually making eye contact," Riza said.

The group looked up, sighed in relief, and relaxed their postures significantly.

"Good, that means that all this damned sexual tension will leave the office because of your extracurricular activities," Havoc said, leaning back in his chair.

Riza narrowed her eyes at him as Roy walked over to his desk. "I said you could make eye contact Havoc, not speak out of turn," she said with a steady, yet slightly menacing tone.

"Sorry Ma'am," he said.

Riza nodded and walked over to sit at her desk. She retrieved several file folders from the top drawer. Before she could get a chance to work on them, the office door opened and Rebecca came rushing in, stopping in front of Roy's desk just in time, her boots making a slight squeak on the polished floor.

"Sir, there's an emergency down at the range. Permission to take Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye for a few hours to handle the matter," Rebecca said, while trying to catch her breath and hold in a bit of laughter at the same time. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was in a un-officer like state of disarray. Roy could only nod at the woman; he was in shock that she actually could behave remotely respectfully.

Rebecca quickly saluted, rushed over to Riza, grabbed her arm, and pulled her from the office, leaving the men in the room silent and full of shock.

--

"Rebecca, what in the hell is going on? What's up with you? Do you know that you actually called Roy sir?"

"You aren't going to believe this!' Rebecca said. "Hurry!" She let go of Riza's arm and ran down the hallway. Riza sighed and sped up her walking pace, a bit wary of what she was going to see when she got to the range.

She calmly walked down the back steps of headquarters and spotted quite a commotion going on around the closed range door.

"Excuse me!" Riza said, the recognition of her voice causing everyone to freeze and then turn toward her very slowly. "Get back to work," she said.

The people instantly scurried away as if they were rabbits that just saw a predator. Riza blinked when she noticed that some of those people in that group outranked her, and still ran off. She guessed it was the "intimidation" power that her grandfather said she possessed.

"OUCH!" a voice yelled. "Don't pull it!'

Upon hearing the familiar voice scream in pain, she walked into the indoor range area where the guns were kept. Rebecca was displaying a look of pity (something rare for her) and Jacob looked like he was experiencing some kind of physical pain. Riza couldn't see over the counter but she did see one of the young sergeants that were part of the sniper squad, sitting in a chair, looking like he was both full of fear and experiencing intense pain.

"Guess this gives new meaning to cocking a gun," Rebecca said, the pitiful look replaced by one of slight amusement. Riza raised her eyebrow trying to figure out what she meant.

"It's not funny. I didn't think she'd do that!" the young man said. "Hell, I didn't even know it was possible for anyone to do this!"

"You didn't know you were hitting on General Olivier Armstrong either. Anything is possible with that woman," Rebecca replied.

"No! I had no clue that was who she was! I figured Olivier Armstrong would look like a cross between a drag queen and Mr. Clean. All I knew was that she was hot and …"

"You thought with the wrong head," Jacob finished.

The young man sighed and lowered his head to look down at his lap. "My god! It's going numb!"

"What's going numb?" Riza questioned.

The man's head shot up and a look of abject terror crossed his face. "You aren't going to shoot it off are you?"

Riza walked around the corner while speaking, "Shoot what off…" her face dropped when she saw the muzzle of a gun sticking through the fly of his pants and the butt of the gun sitting on a low table. Riza blinked and rubbed her eyes trying to make sure that she wasn't having a wacko dream or that she wasn't hallucinating. When she finally determined that she was indeed seeing what she was, a bunch of questions flashed though her head. The first question wasn't anything proper to ask. The first question was, how in the hell did it fit? His penis had to be very small for it to fit in the muzzle of a shotgun. A muzzle of a shotgun was about the size of a quarter in circumference: maybe slightly bigger considering it was one of the newer, high-powered shotguns.

"Riza, are you all right?" Rebecca said.

Riza snapped out of her thoughts and nodded. "Just trying to process exactly what I am seeing. In my years in the military, I've never seen anything like this."

"I agree, it's a Kodak moment," she said.

"Hey, if we had a Kodak maybe the bear could eat it of-" Jacob started.

"You mean a Kodiak and we don't have those around here, just black bears," Rebecca said.

"Wouldn't a blac-"

"Hello! Man with his pecker stuck in a shotgun here! Please stop the joking and help," the young man interrupted. "If this gets out I'll be the laughing stock of the military."

"So that's why you didn't call the paramedics? You do know they are sworn to confidentiality right?" Riza questioned, her face completely void of any humor.

"Yeah right! I had a wart removed from my ass once and the entire headquarters knew about it before I was able to sit properly," Jacob said.

"Yeah, I remember that! They said the wart looked like Ed Elric's profile."

"It did not look like Ed's profile . . . it was Alphonse Elric's profile."

"Enough you two," Riza said. "Let's deal with the task at …hand." Riza looked at the young sergeant. "No one will say a word about this but we are going to need a bit of help," she said.

"But…"

"I will personally deal with anyone that says anything about this. I know some trustworthy people. Just try to relax …what's your name."

"…Dick. Sergeant Peter Dick."

Riza had a hard time keeping the ironic thoughts from entering her head but she managed to repress them for the time being. "All right…Dick."

"Ironic isn't it?" he questioned.

"Yeah," she replied, going over to the phone on the counter. A few minutes later, she hung up and walked back over to them.

"Major Armstrong, Sergeant Broche, and Second Lieutenant Ross are on their way."

Sergeant Dick paled. "All those people?"

"Do you trust me Sergeant?" she questioned.

"Yes Ma'am," he said.

"Then just stay quiet and relax. Well...relax as best you can for someone in your predicament," she said.

"Ma'am, I don't know how to relax. I think I may be the first of my kind. I don't exactly have anyone to model," he said, trying to make light of the situation and take his mind off the fact that his cock was stuck in a gun barrel. . . He failed.

"I still think we should call an ambulance," she said.

"Please Ma'am, don't do that!"

"Very well," she said. "We will get the muzzle off of you penis sergeant," she said. "How, I don't know. I'm sure Major Armstrong has dealt with this before. His family has experience in everything."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," the sergeant said.

---

"Many things have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations lieutenant, but I must say that the removal of a penis from a shot gun barrel has not come up," Armstrong said, as he gazed at the young sergeant's predicament. "Safe to say, dick removal hasn't been part of the Armstrong lines list of skills."

"Apparently putting a penis in a barrel is a skill your family has," she said with frustration. She looked over at the wall where Denny and Maria were standing, both unable to look at Sergeant Dick without cracking out laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Olivier is the one that did this," she said, directing her gaze back to him.

"Doesn't surprise me. This isn't the worst place she's stuck someone's penis," Armstrong said.

Everyone in the room looked at Armstrong.

"I'm afraid to ask but what's the worst?" Broche questioned.

"Through a chain length fence about a foot out of reach from pit-bulls," Armstrong said.

Jacob looked down at Sergeant Dick. "Do you know how thankful you should be right now?"

All the man could do was nod rapidly. "From now on there will be no more military women for me. Strictly civilians from now on," he said, and then looked at Riza. "No offense, but you military women are too dangerous."

Riza laughed lightly then turned her gaze back to Armstrong. "Any ideas on how to get this off? I'm actually surprised it's not swelling."

"We haven't exactly looked," Jacob said. "Let's check."

"There are women in here!" the sergeant said.

"Come on sergeant. It's not like we haven't seen one before," Rebecca said. "Riza's even seen one recently."

Then Riza suddenly did something rather off par for her . . . She slapped Rebecca on the back of the head roughly.

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"How would you like a shotgun shoved up your ass? Give it a rest Rebecca," she said.

"Fine," she said.

Riza looked at the sergeant. "How about you check for yourself? We will all turn our heads," she said.

"Just don't turn yours," Jacob joked, earning a slap from Rebecca.

He nodded and everyone looked away. He unzipped his pants further and lifted the waistband to look. His eyes widened and his heart rate sped up.

"Holy shit! I have Barney's dick!" he screamed. "Get this off me. I don't care what you see!"

They group turned.

Jacob placed a hand on the guy's shoulder. "We'll get this off my friend. Don't worry," he said.

"Maybe we can lube it!" Rebecca said. Any other time the group would probably make something dirty out of it but now wasn't the time.

"How could this get any worse?" the sergeant groaned.

"Well it could have bullets in it," Denny suggested, earning a hit upside the head from Maria.

"You aren't helping! How would you feel if your dick was stuck in a barrel of a shot gun?"

"I can tell you one thing," he said.

"What's that?"

"I certainly wouldn't be as calm as Sergeant Dick," Denny said.

"Do you want slapped again?"

"No," he answered.

"Then hush and be more helpful," she said.

"That does make me think about something," Jacob said.

"What is that?" Riza questioned.

"Did we take the bullets out?" he questioned, looking at Rebecca. "We usually don't empty the shotguns."

The sergeant paled. "Make sure the safety is on!" the sergeant yelled.

Rebecca kneeled and looked at the trigger part of the gun where the safety was. Sure enough, it was on.

"Okay, let's check to see if it's loaded," she said.

She slowly lifted the butt of the gun off the table and lowered it gently. She clicked it open and shells came out.

"My god… what if that would have gone off during the stuffing process?"

This caused the sergeant to faint.

"Oh crap! He fainted!" Rebecca said.

"No thanks to you!" Riza snapped. "Now close that gun and put it back," she said.

"Perhaps it's for the best that he fainted. At least he's relaxed enough to where the removal process won't stress him out," Armstrong said.

"True, but now comes the chore of removal," Riza said.

"Well how about pouring oil down the barrel to make things slippery. Then maybe we could slide it off," Maria suggested.

"I've got a better idea. Wake him up, give him a dirty magazine and let him-" Denny started to say.

"Go no further with that or you will find your dick in a shotgun as well and I won't let anyone help you remove it," Maria said.

"What kind of oil?" Riza said.

"Cooking oil would be the optimum type for this situation since it's thin and smooth."

"Maria, go get some cooking oil from the kitchen but don't mention a word about what is going on here. Got it?" Riza ordered.

Maria nodded and left the building. Riza removed her coat and stared down at the gun. "Now, let's slick this barrel up." She paled when she realized what she said. She looked up at the others. "Not one word," she said.

---

Maria sighed as she left the kitchen. It was hard to weasel a bottle of oil from the greedy cook but when she finally used Riza's name he readily gave it up with the promise that he would get another bottle in return later that day. She really hoped that this would work for Sergeant Dick. She hated to think about it if it didn't. As she stared down at the label on the bottle, she didn't watch where she was going and bumped into someone, knocking the oil out of her hand. She looked up to see that she'd bumped into General Mustang.

"Pardon me sir," she said.

"It's quite all right Lieutenant Ross," he said, bending to pick up the bottle of oil. He stared at it, then her quite oddly before handing it back to her. "Why do you have cooking oil?"

"We need it at the range," she said, before she thought better of it.

"Why do you need cooking oil at the range? Does it have to do with the emergency there?"

"Um…" Maria stuttered. She couldn't tell him what was going on. Riza did order her to keep quiet after all, but it wasn't like he was asking exactly what it was for. "Yes, it's to help with the emergency."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye has been at the range for two hours now. I'm wondering what kind of emergency takes this long and involves cooking oil. Also, I saw Armstrong, you, and Denny make you way there. Is there anything I can help with?"

"No sir! There's just… well there's…something…stuck in a gun barrel."

"That's it?" he questioned. "That's the big emergency?"

"Of course sir! You see this is a very…priceless ... item that is stuck in a very expensive gun. The major is there for alchemy reasons and Riza is there for gun expertise reasons."

"And the rest of you?"

"Assisting, in the removal. We need extra hands to hold the barrel and to hold Sergeant Dick." She let slip.

"Why in the hell do you need to hold the sergeant?"

"Um… well he's …attached to the gun quite a bit so we want to hold him so that he won't let go of the gun so that it won't break his peni—personal record of gun safety. I really need to get going sir," Maria said, her face flushed in embarrassment.

"Very well," Roy said, quite bewildered. "Carry on."

She nodded and rushed away from the general.

"Still doesn't explain the cooking oil. Maybe it's to lube up whatever is cocked in the barrel," he said to himself before making his way back to his office.

--

"Got the oil!" Maria said, going into the range, shutting and locking the door behind her.

"Okay, Rebecca. Open the gun and let's get the oil down in it."

"Hey, after this, we can call him slick Dick," Jacob joked, causing everyone to glare at him.

Rebecca readied the gun. Maria opened the bottle and handed it to Riza who carefully poured a generous amount down in the gun barrel and then handed the bottle back to Maria.

"Now what?" Jacob questioned.

"We wait for it to absorb a bit, then we try to pull it off."

"His dick?" Denny joked, earning a growl from Riza. "If you and Jacob can't be serious then perhaps you should leave," she said.

"Okay, okay, sorry ma'am," he said. "Just thought I'd lighten things up."

"We have a man with a shotgun stuck on his manhood. A lightened mood isn't what we need right now. Okay, back to business. Maria, Rebecca, you pull the barrel and Denny and Jacob, hold him to the chair," she said.

"Right," Denny and Jacob said, moving to brace the still unconscious Dick against the chair.

Maria and Rebecca began pulling hard on the gun, feeling it move slightly then stop.

"It's not going anywhere," Rebecca said.

"Guess we don't have a choice," Riza said. "We have to saw it off. Jacob, do you have a hack saw?" she questioned.

"It's in the maintenance closet in HQ," he said.

Riza looked at Maria. "You know where that is?"

"Yeah, I'll get it," she said.

"Maybe get something to numb his rod," Jacob said.

"Get my gun cleaning kit and my medical kit from my desk drawer as well," Riza said. "Just in case."

"By the way, do you have any extra thumbtacks and paperclips? We are out here," Jacob said.

"I'll get that while Maria gets the hacksaw," Rebecca said. She and Maria left the range.

They parted ways at the fork in the hall and Rebecca made her way to the office that Riza shared with Roy and the rest of his team. She entered and saluted. "Lieutenant Hawkeye asked me to retrieve her gun cleaning kit, and her medical kit."

She walked over to Riza's desk and retrieved the two kits in question, along with a permanent marker to mark the gun in the place that needed to be sawed off and the paperclips and thumbtacks for Jacob.

"Um…why?" Havoc questioned.

"It's for the emergency down at the range."

"So you have a bottle of oil, a gun cleaning kit, a medical kit, a permanent marker, thumbtacks, and paperclips?" Roy questioned.

"Yes," Rebecca said.

Maria poked her head through the open doorway. "Got the hack saw and found some rope just in case we need it to brace the sergeant to the chair."

"Great, let's get these things to Riza," she said, and they both left the area quickly.

"Okay, you got everything but why the rope," Denny questioned.

"Think about it. We are using a hacksaw to cut through a gun barrel near the most precious thing a man possesses. Do you think he's going to stay still even if you guys hold him? What if he wakes up and sees us sawing there?"

"Good point," Denny said. "Let's tie him up."

Riza handed the hacksaw to Armstrong and he took his place at the barrel.

"So where should we saw?"

"Okay, well we need to know how far his talleywhacker is in there," Jacob said. Riza marked the barrel a foot down from where it was sticking out of his pants.

"That should do it," she said. "Begin the sawing." She moved out of the way as Armstrong sat the saw on the mark and began. Soon, the gun was sawed off and all that was left was about a foot of barrel attached to him.

"Now how do we get that off?" Jacob questioned.

"You know what really bewilders me?" Riza questioned.

"What's that?"

"How he's embarrassed about having this get out but not as worried about his penis falling off," she said. She walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"What are you doing?" Maria asked.

"Sergeant Broche, get a car and bring it around to the door. I'm calling Doctor Knox," Riza stated.

"Who?" Rebecca questioned.

"A doctor that we know," Riza replied, intentionally not giving much of an answer.

"I'll accompany you Lieutenant," Armstrong said.

"Thank you Sir," she said.

"Hey chief," Havoc said.

"What?"

"Why is there a car parked at the range?"

Roy looked up from his newspaper. "There shouldn't be," Roy said.

"There is," he replied.

Roy put down his paper, stood and walked over to the window to see the group carrying something covered with a blanket and putting it into the back seat. Riza got in the driver's side and Armstrong got in the passenger's side.

"Remember," Riza said. "Not a word."

The others nodded and they sped off through the gates of headquarters.

"All that fuss over a gun?" Havoc questioned. "They sure are protective over their weaponry."

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**AN: Hope you laughed as much as we did writing it. Special thanks to Leigh (fuzzywhitedice) for the proofread. Please drop a review since it's oh so easy with the new button. **


	10. Roy's Got a Lovely Bunch of WTF?

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 10: Roy's Got a Lovely Bunch of WTF?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

**AN: Just in case you haven't figured it out, this is a crack comedy fic basically. (I'm also quite worried for you if you haven't figured it out as well…) Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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**Roy's Got a Lovely Bunch of. . . WTF?**

Riza sighed as she made her way back to the range, Armstrong walking alongside her. It had been quite a straining morning for everyone involved in the penis extraction mission.

Sergeant Dick was at Doctor Knox's home resting comfortably. Dr. Knock managed to get the rest of the barrel off with relatively no problem at all. Though he did look quite pale when they first brought the sergeant in the house. What man wouldn't turn pale?

They walked back in the main range building to see that Rebecca, Denny, Jacob, and Maria were still sitting in there, playing cards, and obviously waiting for their return.

"How'd it go?" Rebecca questioned, being the first one to notice their return.

"Doctor Knox got it off," Riza said. "Quite easily. I wish we had taken him there in the first place. It would have saved a lot of time. I guess the situation itself sort of stalled rational thinking."

"How'd he get it off?" Jacob asked, while putting the cards back in the box.

"He just sucked the liquid out of it and it went down," Riza said nonchalantly as she walked over to retrieve her uniform jacket.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her wide-eyed. Obviously, she could have worded her statement a bit better to prevent misunderstanding.

"Wha…what…did he do?" Jacob questioned, his voice fading out at certain intervals.

"He sucked the..." she started then paled when she realized what she'd said. She zipped, buttoned her jacket, and then narrowed her eyes. "He took a needle and drew the blood from it," she said, her voice flat and stern.

"OHHHHHHHHHH," the entire group, except Armstrong said.

"I need coffee," Riza groaned.

"It is about lunch time. I think we've earned a good lunch, and then we can get back to work," Armstrong said.

Riza nodded and the group made their way to the cafeteria.

"God! Could this day get any weirder?" Rebecca asked aloud.

"Weirder than someone's pussy plunger getting stuck in a gun barrel?" Jacob questioned.

This comment caused Riza to turn around and glared menacingly at him.

"Enough with the penis names!" she snapped, then turned around and walked toward the mess hall, her footfall a bit rougher than usual.

Little did the group know that it would indeed get weirder. . .

---

**Meanwhile…**

Two sergeants were standing around the coffee pot in the cafeteria, with their mugs full of the hot caffeinated beverage known as coffee, java, muddy water, and many other names that were in existence for the brown bitter concoction.

"Trust me dude, this will work. Just pour one teaspoon in her drink and she'll be on her back faster than Pam Anderson when…I don't really need a punch line there. I think it's pretty self explanatory," one of the sergeants said as he put a twenty-ounce bottle of a slightly white substance up on the counter next to the pot. "One teaspoon dude. It will last you a long long long time."

"And you are sure this is going to work?" the other sergeant questioned.

"Of course! It worked on my girlfriend! This stuff is a sure fire way to get her flat on her back faster than-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. If you are sure it will work I'll give it a try," the other sergeant said.

"Sergeants Neil Anblomi and Wayne Kurr please come to the personnel office immediately."

The two sergeants looked at each other then at the clock.

"Oh shit! Our lunch break is over," Sergeant Anblomi said. "Let's get going!"

The two men rushed off as a member of the kitchen staff walked by. He stopped and stared at the bottle of white substance.

"How could they leave the creamer out here like this? It's supposed to be poured with the rest of the creamer in the cooler. What idiots," the staff member muttered. He took the lid off the bottle, poured it into the large cream cooler that dispensed the liquid for the coffee, and then threw the bottle in the trash. "Idiots," he muttered, and made his way to his original destination.

---

Riza and the others walked into the mess hall and over to the coffee machine. They each grabbed one of the styrofoam coffee cups and filled it with coffee, then creamer, and then went to get some lunch. After sitting down at their regular table, they began eating without a word spoken. Their day had been filled with enough words to write a very odd novel. Now they just wanted peace.

They all looked up when Roy, Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda approached the long table with their trays. Maria instinctively scooted over so that Roy could sit next to Riza. After everyone was seated, Roy started up a conversation.

"What was the big emergency at the range?" Roy questioned.

Everyone that had been at the range that day coughed uncomfortably and tensed. They all looked at Riza who took a huge drink of coffee then turned to Roy.

"Sir, in the years I have worked for you, how many favors have I asked of you?"

Roy looked at her oddly, obviously confused at the reason for question. "Um…none actually."

"Then may I please ask one?"

"Of course," he said.

"Please, please, don't make me write a report about what happened in the range or ever speak on it again," she said. "I'll even replace the gun we had to saw off."

"Since the actions were that of my sister lieutenant, the Armstrong family shall replace the gun."

Riza smiled slightly at Armstrong. "Thank you sir," she said.

"Okay, it involved Olivier Armstrong and a gun," Roy started, a bit disturbed at the thought already.

"Yes, and a pumping pole of penile power," Jacob said.

Everyone looked at him incredulously.

"A WHAT?" Everyone questioned.

"Jacob, didn't I say enough with those names? If you don't stop you will find your single barreled pump action yogurt rifle inside a real rifle!" she snapped.

Everyone at the table turned their gaze to her, looking at her as if she'd gone daft.

Riza groaned and lifted a hand to her forehead. "Oh shit, now I'm doing it!" She then picked up her coffee cup and took a huge swig.

"Okay, you are making it sound like…"Roy started.

"Please sir, don't say it out loud," she said.

Roy leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Did Olivier put someone's… penis… in a rifle?"

"Yes," she muttered. "Please don't tell."

Roy straightened his posture, coughed, and fixed his collar. "I don't think a report will be necessary Lieutenant Hawkeye, since everything is …fixed?"

"Yes sir, everything is fixed," she said then stood up. "I need more coffee."

---

Riza walked back to the office with Roy. When they walked in the room, she saw a stack of paperwork on her desk. She sighed and walked over to her chair. Sitting down, she reached for a sheet and sat it in front of her. She was very surprised to find that the paperwork was completely filled out and all it lacked was her signature. She looked up at Roy who just smiled and walked over to his desk. He flopped down in his seat and leaned back, whistling pleasantly. Riza gazed at his desk to see that all his work was done.

"Sir?"

"Just needs your signature."

"Why did you do this?"

"Because you were dealing with an emergency. I figured that any emergency involving, cooking oil, a hacksaw, paper clips, medical kits, and a permanent marker was definitely worth pre-filling out your paperwork."

"I don't know how to thank you sir," she said.

"Well, Havoc and the others aren't back yet and won't be for another ten minutes…" he said, trailing off.

She laughed lightly as he stood, walked over to her desk, and bent down so that his face was in front of hers. He rested one of his hands on her desk and the other cupped the side of her face. He then moved his lips to hers and kissed her softly. He pulled away and grinned at the light blush that appeared on her cheeks.

"Come to my place after work?" he questioned.

Riza nodded. "I have to go get Hayate first though," she said.

"Alright," he replied. He kissed her again then walked back over to his desk.

--

A few minutes later the men returned to the office, disturbing the quiet and comfortable atmosphere that had been there previously. Upon Riza sending them a stern glare, they immediately went to their desks to begin their work. For the next half hour, nothing was spoken and the most dominate noise was Roy's chair squeaking and the scratching of pens against the forms assigned to the office.

Riza looked up at the clock and suddenly her head spun. She looked back down at her desk and closed her eyes, trying to still the dizziness that had overwhelmed her. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before.

"You all right Lieutenant Hawkeye?" she heard Havoc ask. She opened her eyes to see that all the men in the office were staring at her. She offered him a small smile.

"I'm fine, I think I just looked up too quickly after focusing on this paperwork," she said.

"You sure? That's never happened before has it?" Roy questioned, now sitting straight in his chair, both feet planted firmly on the floor instead of propped up on his desk.

She looked over at him and nodded. "I'm alright," she said and looked back down at the work that required her signature. She shifted in her chair slightly and suddenly felt incredibly odd. Her stomach was tingling and she was starting to feel very hot.

The men all turned their gaze toward her when she stood, and took off her coat, revealing her gun holster and the tight brown shirt that clung to her curves. Even though none of the men besides Roy had a sexual interest in Riza, they couldn't help but appreciate the sight before them. Riza was a very attractive woman after all.

Roy growled and all the men looked back down at their paperwork. Riza looked over at him with a quizzical look before sitting down and starting to sign her paperwork once more. As the minutes passed, the queasiness in her stomach turned to feeling a bit fluttery. She finished the last of the stack and sighed. Putting down her pen, she leaned back in her chair and sighed again, this time much heavier.

"You need some water?" she heard Havoc ask her. She turned to look at him once again.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"You are awfully red," he said. "You look thirsty."

"Don't you think it's hot in here?" she questioned.

"No, not at all," he replied.

Roy turned from facing the window to look at Riza and was stunned at how flustered her face was.

"Sergeant Fuery, go get some water for Hawkeye," Roy said, as he stood up and walked over to her. Fuery stood and left the room. He placed a hand on her forehead and Riza's heart sped up. His cool hand felt so good, and she remembered how good his hands felt on other places on her hot body. Especially when he was the cause of her body's heat.

She shifted in her seat slightly and closed her eyes, visions of their time back at their homes coming to her, causing her to feel quite pleasant in the lower areas of her body. Her entire body grew hotter and hotter and she almost groaned as his hand left her forehead. She opened her eyes to look at Roy, taking in that muscular body that looked too good in that uniform. It should have been against the law for him to wear that clothing.

"You've certainly got a fever," he said.

Fuery came back into the office with a large glass of water and sat it on her desk. She took it and drank it all down, her eyes never leaving Mustang. It wasn't water she wanted or needed. It was every inch of Mustang's body pulled on top of her, making love to her.

"Get out," Riza said in a very stern tone.

The men looked at each other quizzically and nearly shit themselves when Riza's head jerked toward them, her eyes filled with malice. The men had grown to read her eyes and knew they currently said, leave the office, or be shot. They rushed out the door, slamming it behind them.

Riza casually walked over to the door and locked it.

"Hawkeye! What's the meaning of this?" Roy asked, incredibly bewildered over her course of action.

She slipped off her gun holster and laid it on the table Fuery used as a desk, before slowly stalking toward him. Roy took a step back in shock. He didn't know what was going on! Surely, Riza wouldn't be doing what he thought she was.

However, those doubts left his mind when she suddenly pulled the dark brown shirt out of her pants and over her head, revealing a dark red silk and lace bra underneath. Yes, she was seducing him.

"Riza…" he said. "You said never in the office."

Riza kept walking toward him and he kept stepping back until his back hit the side of a filing cabinet. She pressed her body against his tightly and moved her lips to kiss his neck.

"I want you," she whispered in a sensual tone that made Roy gulp in nervousness. She pressed her lower body against his and moved her hands to loosen the clip in her hair. She threw the clip on the desk, then fisted her hands in his hair and pulled his head toward her, so that his lips collided with hers. His eyes widened significantly as she moved her lips against his, then managed to slip her tongue in his mouth.

He reached up to grab her upper arms and jerked her away from him.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" he questioned.

"I need you," she said. "Right now."

Roy was stalled for words. How was a man supposed to respond to that? How was a man supposed to respond when his beautiful girlfriend was standing there in a red bra that was hugging one of his favorite parts of the female anatomy, asking for him to …to… Yep, his brain was going to explode.

"Riza, just anyone could walk in," he found himself saying, his grip on her arms loosening. She took the opportunity to pull away and then press herself against him once again. His arms wrapped around her as if they had minds of their own. Her hands moved around his body to cup his ass as she pressed her lower body against his again, feeling his hardness. She leaned up to bite his earlobe and then whispered to him.

"You know you always wanted to know what desk sex was like."

Roy cursed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. A slew of images raced in his head at the thought of Riza back on his desk, grabbing at all the day's paperwork, crumbling it, and moaning his name. He'd never imagined that it would ever happen though, and now he had the opportunity with his willing girlfriend. His little too willing girlfriend. He had to figure out what was wrong with her before he did anything like that. Riza went from a stress ball to a sex-craving vixen in less than ten minutes.

Roy forced himself to pull away once more. He coughed and straightened his posture. "No Riza, you know that's not right," he said, walking over to the window. He closed the blinds slightly just in case people in the building across from them could see Riza's current state of undress.

He jumped slightly when he felt two arms wrap around him and a kiss placed behind his ear. He tensed up and then heard Riza chuckle. "So tense, I could help you."

"What…what…What the fuck?"

"Me. That is what you could fu-"

"Riza!" he scolded, turning around to face her. He gulped when he saw that she was sans any clothing except her underwear. She walked over to his desk and jumped to sit on it, sliding her legs under her. She smirked at him.

"Come get me General," she said. "I'm pretty sure this breaks military conduct and I need to be punished."

Roy took in her entire appearance and just couldn't take it anymore. His body was going nuts! He rushed over to her, pulled her off the desk and into his arms, and kissed her, intending to give her what she wanted.

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**AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Love ya! **


	11. Girls Gone Wild Pt 1

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 11: Girls Gone Wild: Part 1**

**Disclaimer: ****AN: Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. ****This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

**AN: CRACK FIC… Don't like it don't read it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and enjoyed this fiction so far. **

**NOTE: Hey, I have a poll on my profile that I'd like your opinion on. It's regarding a future fiction. Please go and vote.  
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**Girls Gone Wild: Part 1**

Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery made their way down the clean, orderly hallways of headquarters with no particular destination in mind. A terminus wasn't what was currently dominating their thoughts. Their main focus was the shock over the action of their fellow officer, Riza Hawkeye. In all the years that they worked with her, this was the first time she ordered them out of the office. They'd received the malice look before but never for such a reason as making them vacate a room. It was as if something had completely possessed the normally composed woman.

"What exactly are we supposed to be doing?" Breda questioned, breaking the silence that had wrapped itself around the men. "I mean… all of our work is in the office."

"She didn't exactly give us a specific task did she?" Falman questioned. "She just told us to get out."

"Maybe she was sick, she did look awfully flushed," Breda said. "Still, she would have normally given us a task of some kind."

"Maybe we should go back and ask her," Furey suggested. All the men looked at him like he was incredibly dumb. He cringed when he realized that it was indeed a very idiotic suggestion. It was just that he was shocked at her actions toward them and his brain wasn't functioning correctly. "Never mind, that was stupid."

"Yes, yes it was," Havoc said. "I personally would like to live past thirty thank you very much," he said, then lit his cigarette. Since Hawkeye wasn't around, he would take the opportunity to get his nicotine fix.

"I hope the General is alright," Breda said. "It seemed like she was targeting him with that gaze of hers. Only he wasn't getting the, make the men shit themselves from fear one."

"Yeah, the gaze she gave him was definitely different from the one she gave us," Falman said.

"Hum… maybe she got horny and wanted sex from him in the office," Havoc said; the laugh on the end of his sentence indicating that he was joking. As if Hawkeye would do something like that in a professional setting. She was too perfect an officer to act in such a manner.

They all started laughing at Havoc's joke. Hell would have to freeze over for something like that to happen.

They continued to walk down the hall toward the exit, not really paying attention to the fact that all the office doors were open and the rooms were unoccupied. When they walked past one of the many conference rooms that were situated on the floor, Havoc found himself being grabbed by the back of the collar and pulled into one of them. The other men continued on their way, not noticing the fact that their friend was no longer with them.

Havoc was thrown down onto the oval shaped red oak table used for the conferences. He growled in slight pain and flipped over onto his back to see who did it. Much to both his surprise and relief, he saw it was Olivier Armstrong.

Unlike with most people, her name or appearance didn't strike fear in him. He knew that it was only appearance and… okay she was an all around scary individual, but he'd grown used to that. They'd run into each other at a bar one night and hit it off pretty well. He even bought her a drink. That drink turned into several other drinks, which turned into dinner. Of course, nothing could come of it since she was rarely in Central. Besides, a woman like her wouldn't be interested in a guy like him in a dating manner.

He moved to sit cross-legged on the table and rubbed the back of his neck. After taking his now smashed cigarette out of his mouth and discarding it in a trash can, he turned his gaze to her.

"What's the big idea? That hurt you know," he said, gazing at her back, she turned around and smiled seductively at him, which caused his stomach to flip flop. This wasn't good… well … it was good but not. Damn, he was confused. Any woman that smiled at a man like that meant that some sort of sexual contact or merely a slight seduction was to follow, which was wonderful of course. However, it was bad because it was Olivier Armstrong doing it and that was completely and utterly… It was… Well it just didn't happen. It didn't seem right coming from her and especially not directed toward him.

She crawled up onto the table on all fours with him, and started toward him; reminding Havoc of a cat that was just looking forward to being- he gulped-petted.

She shrugged off her jacket slowly and threw it across the room. She wore the tight brown military shirt that most of the women wore unless they were in a strict office setting. It was much like the shirt that Hawkeye wore except Olivier's was long sleeved and actually tighter. Her hair was cascading down her shoulders as she crawled toward him, and her lips were smirking as if she was about to partake in something incredibly delightful.

"General…ma'am… what's wrong with you?" He stuttered, completely baffled about why she was acting the way she was. His voice cracked as her hands moved up his legs slowly, stopping and squeezing sections tightly on the way to his manhood. While he was emphatically attracted to the woman before him, this was too much. There had to be something wrong with her. Olivier Armstrong didn't seduce a lower officer. He would never fit into her life as anything but a friend; even though he wished he could be more than that. Why did he always develop crushes on unattainable women?

He looked into her blue eyes and saw the same look Hawkeye had in hers when she was looking at Roy back in the office. It was then that everything came together . . . lust. Oh shit, he'd been right! Office sex! Something was wrong with Hawkeye and Olivier!

For just a moment his mind went away from the woman that was trailing her hands along him, and that moment was enough time for him to be knocked flat on his back with Olivier on top of him biting his neck.

He bit his lip as she bit the weak spot on his neck with her teeth. He had to get out of this situation or he'd end up taking her up on the offer that he knew she didn't really mean.

He felt her hand cup his private area and knew he'd be a lost cause in a few minutes.

Summoning all the strength he had he pushed her off and pinned her down on the table, straddling her waist.

"Ma'am! Stop it! You don't know what you are doing!"

She grinned mischievously. "Never thought I'd like being pinned but it's quite pleasant. I like it rough," she growled, reminding Havoc of a lioness. "Being called Ma'am makes it even better."

Havoc's eyes widened when he realized the position they were in. He quickly moved off her and headed toward the door. She sat up and laughed loudly.

"The chase makes the sex even better. You can run but I'll catch you!" she said, grabbing her coat and sword and running after him.

--

Furey, Falman, and Breda made their way out of headquarters and down the stairs, deciding that they wanted to go get some coffee since they really didn't know what else they could do. All of their work was in the office and the office was currently occupied by a less than friendly Lieutenant and their boss (who was probably on the receiving end of her unfriendliness).

"Hey Havoc, didn't you mention grabbing another pack of cigarettes at th…"Breda trailed off when he realized Havoc wasn't with them. He turned all the way around to search then looked at Furey and Falman.

"Where'd Havoc go?" he questioned.

The other two men looked around, also noticing that Havoc was no longer with them.

"I thought he was with us," Fuery said.

"KAIN FUERY!" a rather odd sounding loud voice said. Fuery turned in the direction of the voice to see his girlfriend Scieszka stomping toward him. It wasn't like her to be so loud unless he screwed up…which he rarely did. He stiffened and tried to control the desire to run in the opposite direction. When Scieszka got angry, it was terrifying.

"What'd you do to earn that tone?" Falman questioned.

"I don't know," he said with a fearful voice.

Scieszka stopped in front of him and placed one hand on her hip. "Why aren't you working?" she snapped.

"Um…Lieutenant Hawkeye ran us out of the office," he said meekly. He was baffled at the way she was acting but figured it was best not to question her. Maybe she was PMSing and ran out of chocolate or something.

"Oh," she said, in her normal tone.

Fuery looked at her strangely.

"Hehe, I need your help with something in the library. Will you help me?" she questioned sweetly. He quirked an eyebrow at her and nodded slowly as she grabbed his hand and led him away.

"That boy is whipp-" Breda started to speak but was cut off by a yell. He and Falman turned to see Havoc running down the stone steps taking two at a time, and running through the courtyard at full speed. They then turned back to the doors of the building when they heard a maniacal laugh. Olivier was standing there, her sword drawn, and jacket unbuttoned.

"The hunt is on! Hahahaha! I'll catch you Havoc and your penis too!" she said and ran after him.

"Yes…hell has frozen over," Breda said.

"Which circumstance has you saying that? Oliver Armstrong running after Havoc or Havoc running away from a woman?"

Breda looked at Falman. "It can't be both?" he questioned.

"Yeah, I suppose it could," he said.

"MEN!" a feminine voice said. Breda and Falman turned to the left to see six women standing there staring at them as if they were pieces of chocolate just waiting to be taken a bite out of.

"I like the chubby one!" one of them said, licking her lips.

Breda took a step back and gulped. "What the hell is going on here?" he said.

"Oooo the tall one is sexy," another woman said, causing Falman to take a step back as well.

"I don't know Breda but my money is that though they all are very attractive women if we stick around we are going to be part of a giant group orgy."

"OOO THAT SOUNDS FUN!" several of the women shouted.

These words caused Breda and Falman to turn around and run back into headquarters, the women following them.

"You know, if they didn't look like they wanted to maim us I would have been up for that," Breda said.

"Same here," Falman replied.

As they ran past messy desks and empty offices Breda comment, "Have you noticed that the offices are all empty and there's no one around?"

"Yeah! There's something really odd going on and we have to figure it out, otherwise we will be running forever," Falman said.

"Or until we get caught," Breda said.

"Sirs! In here!" a voice said. Breda and Falman spotted a sergeant standing at the door waving them in. They rushed through the door and helped a group of male officers barricade it with a set of lockers. They leaned their backs against the lockers and fell down to sit on the floor.

"Damn, that was terrifying," Breda said.

"Yes it was," Falman replied.

"Would you like some water?" a sergeant asked, handing them two paper cups.

Breda and Falman took them and drank the liquid down eagerly, the cool water a relief to their parched throats. After finishing, they looked up at the officer and around the room. A bunch of other male officers was sitting on the benches, many of them looking extremely disheveled.

"Do any of you know what is going on around here?" Breda questioned.

"No sir. The women just started going crazy and attacking us. They are acting like for a lack of a better word, men!" he said. "They've all gone sex crazy. We managed to lock the gates to keep them inside the premises so the civilians won't be affected by their sexual needs."

"Aren't we in the women's locker room?" Breda questioned.

"It was a random decision to come here sir," he said. "You don't exactly think when you have a sex obsessed woman on your heels."

"How true," Breda said. "What's your name Sergeant?"

"Lee Blackburn sir," he said.

Breda and Falman stood up and looked at the door. "Well, we need to find out what's going on."

"Sir, there's no way we can move around headquarters without the women getting after us," Blackburn said.

Breda looked at the lockers and saw some female clothing. He grinned as a plan began forming. "Men, I've got an idea." He turned to Falman. "What size panty hose do you wear?" he questioned, causing Falman to pale.

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**AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. More coming soon and please review if you wish. **


	12. Girls Gone Wild Pt 2

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 12: Girl's Gone Wild Part 2**

**Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Girl's Gone Wild Part 2**

Fuery was quite confused over his girlfriend's behavior as she led him to the headquarters library where she was, thanks to Mustang, in charge. She guided him into her office and ushered him to go inside before she did.

"What did you need my help with Scieszka?" Fuery asked as he walked further inside the small room.

"It's in the book on the table. The red one; look on page 22," she said, closing the door behind her and locking it as quietly as possible. Her eyes roved over her boyfriend's form and a grin came to her lips.

Fuery was completely unaware of her actions as he walked over to the table and picked up the book. When he saw what it was, he froze like a deer in headlights.

"Scieszka, this is a sex book." He turned around and saw her stalking toward him. "Page 22 honey…" she said.

He gulped but couldn't resist opening the book to the page she directed. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw the picture on the page.

"There's no way this is possible," he said. "A human leg can't possibly bend that way!"

"Sure it can…I'll show you," she said taking the book out of his hands and throwing it over her shoulder. She kissed him before he could protest and then knocked him to the floor.

"Scieszka! What's gotten into you?"

"Hopefully you in a few minutes!" she said with a growl and kissed him once more.

Fuery grabbed her and pulled her away from him. He stood and straightened his jacket as she shot to her feet. She smirked as she pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her bra, and moved toward him again. He took a step back and gulped.

"Remember, we were going to wait until marriage before we did anything like this. Don't forget that," he said running around the table and away from her. She moved to stand on the opposite side of the table directly in front of him.

"But that's boring!" she said, chasing him back around the table until their positions were reversed.

"But it's what we decided. You said that was what you wanted and I believe that is what you still want. You just got a hold of that book and it's not making you think straight. Remember that time you read Alice in Wonderland? You thought you were the Cheshire cat for two days. Books have that kind of effect on you!"

Scieszka giggled and ran around the table, Fuery once again running away. He suddenly dashed out of the office and further into the library. There had to be a place in the stacks where he could hide until Scieszka calmed down. He heard the click of her heels on the tiled floor as he ran from her. He never knew that his girlfriend could run so fast. He braced one foot on one of the rolling ladders attached to the shelves and pushed it before turning the corner and climbing another one to crawl on top of the shelf itself. Hopefully she would think he went in the other direction.

He peered over the shelf to see that she indeed fell for it and went toward the left instead of the right where he was.

"Honey buns! Where are you?" she said as she left that section of the library. He crawled down from the shelf and made his way toward the exit. He suddenly stopped. If Scieszka were like this toward him, then would she be like this toward another man if the lack of control got too much? He couldn't just leave his sex crazed girlfriend to wonder around. Someone might take advantage of her.

He growled. What was he going to do? It wasn't as if he could just tie her to a chair . . . or could he? It would certainly be the best option considering her actions. He looked around and spotted some rope like ties that bounded the curtains to the wall so that the light could shine into the large library. They would be perfect. He quickly removed them from their place around the curtain fabric, causing the curtains to fall and it to grow darker in the room. He made sure he had enough, and then went on a hunt for his girlfriend. When things cooled off she would be thanking him.

He walked in the direction he saw her go, calling her name ever so often to see if he could get her to come to him. He listened carefully for any footsteps coming his way. He had to admit that he felt rather manly hunting for the woman he loved the way he was. However, he had a feeling that unless he said more than just calling her name, he wasn't going to goad her out. This time it went from being the hunted to the hunter.

"Scieszka…I changed my mind. I think page 22 is a great idea but could we try a bit of bondage first?" he questioned, blushing significantly at his own words. He had to channel a bit of Havoc's perverseness to be able to think of such a topic. He yelped lightly when she jumped out from behind a shelf. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips covered his. She pulled away and squealed.

"Bondage is on page 45," she said, full of joy. "But if my snookums wants bondage first then okay!"

Fuery pulled away and took her hand, leading her back to her office. He sat her down in the chair and began tying her up.

'This isn't in the book honey! Hey! Too tight!" she yelped. After making sure she was good and tied, he locked the door to her office and moved to sit across the room from her.

"Now you are going to sit there and cool off," he said sternly, feeling quite pleased with himself. Usually he was just as submissive as his girlfriend was. He was proud that he could be stern for once when it came to her well-being. It gave him confidence that one day he could be a good husband to her.

He stood and walked over to pick up some books on the table. Much to his shock, all of them were sexual books. Something odd was going on around here.

"Kain Fuery! We are done if you don't untie me right now," she snapped.

"Hush," he said. First Hawkeye was acting weird, and now Scieszka. Both of them were acting more angry and dominant than usual. He looked at all the books on the table and spotted one on sexual drugs. Maybe that would be of some help.

---

Rebecca stalked through the range with two goals in mind. To find out what had made all the women sex crazy and to screw Jacob until he was so sore he couldn't move. She'd never realized how much she wanted the man until today. When he was cleaning that gun, with nothing but that tank top on and that look of concentration it was enough to make any woman cream their jeans.

What really confused her was that when she made her move he got nervous, and ran away. She smirked as she saw him turn a corner and run out into the range. So he wanted to play hunter and prey? Well, she could go for that. She grabbed a rifle and some ammo and stood in a booth waiting for a sight of him going across the field.

She blinked in confusion when she saw Havoc run across the field, barely managing to hold up his pants, which were quite tattered, and his shirt was barely hanging on him. She laughed when Olivier walked out on the field.

"Lieutenant Catalina! Did you see Lieutenant Havoc come this way?"

"He went that way!" Rebecca said, pointing to the left.

"Thank you!" she replied and took off in the direction that Rebecca indicated.

Rebecca sighed. Was she the only woman in headquarters that could control her sexual cravings? She picked up her gun, loaded it, and waited for Jacob to show. When she spotted the top of his head, she shot a few feet from the bale of hay that he was hiding behind. She didn't want to hit him; she wanted him to get so scared he'd give up running from her.

"Rebecca! Stop this right now!" Jacob yelled. He was truly confused at the moment. He'd always had an interest in Rebecca but since he wasn't one of the "loaded" men she preferred, he never made a move. This definitely wasn't what he imagined when, or if, the time ever came for them to get together.

He was just the average guy and wanted what the average guy wanted. He desired for the first time they got together, if they ever were to, to be special. He couldn't believe how sex starved she was acting. She was treating him like a mere toy to play with. He hated being objectified. He jumped slightly as she fired another bullet.

"Rebecca! You don't know what you are doing. You never showed this type of interest before!" he shouted.

"That's before I realized that I wanted to cock your rifle!" she shouted back.

Jacob swore under his breath. He crawled on his stomach on the damp ground and rolled over into a trench that was dug so the rain wouldn't flood the range.

"Look, Becca! You just let your trigger finger cool a bit and you will see that my gun is way overrated. If it goes off now then you will regret pulling the trigger later!" Jacob figured he was the first man to try to convince a girl not to have sex with him. It had to be some kind of rare circumstance; that was for sure.

"I never regret putting a new gun in my holster and especially not emptying one. As long as it's not shooting blanks, I find them quite enjoyable. Now come out and let me see your gun and bullets."

"No!" he said. "Not until you go take a cool shower and sleep on it. You are acting more daft than normal!"

"Fine, if you won't come to me, I'll come out there to you!" she said, unloading her rifle and sitting it down on a table. She leaped over the booth and out onto the grounds.

Jacob peered up over the side of the trench and saw that Rebecca was indeed walking toward him. He leapt to his feet and ran. He got to the fence that encircled the range and jumped over it, clearing it by a foot.

Rebecca laughed, ran quickly, and cleared the fence easily as well. She ran toward where Olivier was standing.

"Catch him yet?" she questioned as she made her approach.

"No, he got away, but I'll find him," Olivier said.

Rebecca ran past her. "Good luck!" she said.

"You too!" Olivier shouted to Rebecca's retreating figure.

"Come back Jacob!" Rebecca yelled. "I won't bite…hard. I promise."

"Hell no!" he yelled picking up his pace significantly. He'd wanted to train for Central's marathon, but not exactly in this manner.

"You are so buff to be able to run so fast!" Rebecca yelled. "Can't wait to see what's under that uniform!"

"Damn it, there has to be something I can do to keep her from trying to …violate me."

He ran over the hill and made a turn to go back to the range. He would lock her in the weapon's room until she cooled off. He was the only one with the key and the room was sound proof so no one would know she was there. She could kick and scream all she wanted. As she stayed in there, he would find some other men and start looking for what was ailing Rebecca and probably the other women, considering how Olivier was acting.

He ran down another hill and into the range, Rebecca still a good distance away. He ran into the weapon's room and hid beside the door inside.

"Jacob! Get your bullets and pistol out here right now!"

Jacob sighed. It was previously a bullets and rifle, now it was a pistol.

"Come in here Rebecca and I'll show you my full arsenal," he said, then smacked his lips as if the words had a bitter taste to them.

"Hehehe! Here I come!" she said, walking into the room. He quickly rushed out, shut the door behind him, and locked it. He could hear a slight thump, indicating that she was yelling and trying to get out.

"Pssss…Jacob!" he heard a voice. He looked around him and didn't see anyone in the room. He raised an eyebrow.

"Jacob, in the locker, over here!" the voice spoke again.

Jacob walked over to a locker and looked in each one until he saw someone hiding.

"Could you please get me out of here," the man said.

"Havoc? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Olivier is after me and I needed to hide but this thing locked. I can't get out of here and my entire body is going numb!"

"It's a locker, of course it locked," he said.

"Lieutenant Havoc! Are you in here?" Jacob paled and dived under a desk. The last thing he needed was Olivier Armstrong asking about Rebecca. If she found out what he did then she would let Rebecca out of the room. He heard her footsteps as she walked around the desk. He bit his lip and prayed inwardly that she wouldn't look at his hiding location. "Fine! I will find you. I know you are around here somewhere! Olivier Armstrong always gets her man," she said, walking out of the range and slamming the door behind her. Jacob rushed from his hiding place and locked the door before letting Havoc out of the locker.

"My god that was close!" he gasped and fell onto the floor. Jacob helped him up and Havoc leaned against the desk and took deep breaths trying to calm himself down.

"Dude, I thought having Rebecca after me was a chore. You've really got it bad," Jacob said.

"Yeah! I mean she's hot and all but, I don't want her that way unless she really wants it."

"Wow, you got feelings for Olivier Armstrong?" he questioned.

"Yeah, stupid huh?"

"I don't think so," he said. "I feel the same about Rebecca. I don't want her like that unless she really does want it as well. It's not right."

Havoc chuckled. "We sound like the women," he said.

"Maybe we aren't so different from females when it comes to being in love," Jacob replied.

Havoc nodded and both men sat there in silence for a moment.

"That conversation stays between the two of us right?" Havoc said.

"You bet," Jacob replied. He walked over to his locker and removed some pants and a shirt. "Here you go," he said, tossing them to Havoc.

"Thanks, Olivier really did a number on mine," he replied and changed quickly.

"What are we going to do now?" Havoc questioned. "We can't stay in here and I don't like the idea of being spotted by Olivier again."

"Well, where could we go where everything is nice and safe? Where would they least expect us?"

"I know! The library! Hawkeye's always told me my grammar was bad and that if I read more it might improve."

"And it's obvious you've never been there so it's perfect," Jacob said.

"Hey!" Havoc protested, quite insulted by Jacob's comment even if it was the truth.

"Okay, we've decided our destination, now we need to figure out a way to get to it without being despoiled."

"Standard dash, hide method."

"It's Olivier remember? You can't fool her with that."

"Yes but Olivier isn't after me," Jacob said with a big smile. She'll be putting all her focus on you since she caught you! She wouldn't have time to inquire about Rebecca when she's swabbing your talleywhacker."

"You traitor!" Havoc protested. "You wouldn't feed me to her like that?"

"Nah, not unless it was absolutely necessary." Jacob looked around the area until his eyes fell on some of the black cloaks they used for stealth missions and some of the white fabrics used for cleaning rifles. He rushed over to them and tossed one to havoc.

"How good are your prayers?" he questioned.

"Huh?"

"This new religion out has this thing called nuns," Jacob explained. "I've seen them around here a few times."

"Oh, the ladies in the black and white. Yes, they are very kind ladies and I'll love nuns forever if dressing up like them gets us to the library without being attacked," Havoc said.

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**AN: Roy and Riza will finally appear again next chapter. Also, no offense to nuns or Catholics in general was, is, or will be intended. Please Review! They make me happy! :)  
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	13. Regrouping

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 13: Regrouping **

**Disclaimer: ****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. ****This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Regrouping**

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Denny Broch made his way through the courtyard on his way back from working in the record's office. As he made his way toward the mail building, he stopped in the middle of the courtyard and looked around. Suddenly, he felt really really odd. It was as if something was greatly out of place. He gazed around the expanse and then at the huge building and noticed that no one was out. Usually there were people coming and going from headquarters but the current environment looked like everyone just upped and disappeared. He tensed up and instantly brought up his guard. Something was amiss and he needed to be prepared for it.

He then ran toward the building and to the office that he shared with Maria. He noted that there were no staff in the main hall and all the doors were either wide open or shut with the shades pulled down over the frosted glass windows in them. He heard a few yelps, thumps, and the sound of glass shattering and picked up the pace. What if Maria was in danger? He would never forgive himself if something happened to her. She could take care of herself of course, but what kind of man would he be to let the woman he loved be hurt?

He turned the corner and ran up the stairs to the proper floor. He ran down the hall turned another corner and rushed into the office. He stopped in the middle of the room and gazed around at all the desks, noting that nothing seemed out of place. He took a deep breath in relief.

"Second lieutenant Ross? You here?" he questioned aloud, using her rank instead of her first name just in case a higher-up overheard.

"In here Broch," he heard her say from the filing room. He walked inside and heard the door shut behind him. He turned around and smiled at her.

"What's the deal?"

"The women have gone daft!" she said. "I've never seen anything like it! It's like they've turned into drunken frat girls! They are chasing after any male soldier on the premises. I don't know what's gotten into them! Hell, one of the women even hit on me! It was terrifying. I'm not against same sex relationships but that doesn't mean I want to be in one!"

"So you aren't affected?" he questioned.

"I am a bit but not so much that I can't tolerate it. I need to go find Riza, I'm sure she's keeping a level head about all of this. Maybe then we can all figure out what is going on."

"Right," he said.

"Put that on," Maria said, pointing to some sort of yellow fur sitting on top of one of the file cabinets. Denny picked it up and saw that it was a long wig. He looked at her quizzically. "It's so if we run into any women they will think you are a female," she said.

"Right," he said and started to put on the wig but Maria stopped him.

"Wait a minute," she said. He blinked and lowered the wing.

"Something wrong?" he questioned.

She moved her lips to his and kissed him, backing him against the wall. He dropped the wig and his arms wrapped around her waist. She moved her lips away from his and grinned. "I needed a bit of a tension reliever," she said, and pulled away from him. She bent down to pick up the wig and put it on his head before kissing his lips once again.

"Right, let's get going. Lieutenant Hawkeye is most likely in the office with the General," Denny said.

"Yeah, she probably is protecting him by gunpoint. The women always want mustang," Maria said.

"Does that include you?" he questioned.

"I had a small crush at first," she admitted as they made their way out of the filing room then office. They got in the elevator and rode it to the fifth floor. When they stepped off the lift, they were greeted by several women.

"Second Lieutenant Ross! We can't find the men! Do you know where they are?"

"Sorry, we are looking too, right Den…Deneeva?"

Denny upped the pitch of his voice so it would sound girly. "Yes, right! Let's find those men!" He shuddered inwardly at saying those words and his voice. He sounded horrible.

"Let us know if you find anyone," Maria said, dragging Denny down the hall and toward Mustang's office.

They heard the elevator ding and turned to see that the women left the floor. Denny sighed heavily.

"What kind of female voice was that?" Maria asked incredulously. "You sounded like a dying cat?"

"Excuse me if I don't stand in front of my mirror at home practicing feminine voices. The need just hasn't popped up for me to be an expert in such things," he replied.

"Anyway, let's get going. The sooner we find Riza and General Mustang the sooner we can deal with the issue at hand and fix things."

"Right," he said.

--

Roy was having a very hard time indeed. Normally he would be thrilled that Riza was acting the way she was but it just wasn't normal. It wasn't like her to seduce him like this and he felt horrible for giving into temptation the way he had.

He'd made love to her as she'd laid on top of his desk, a dream he'd had for a long time, and he knew that he shouldn't' have done so. Not when she was not exactly herself. Even now that he was dressed, she still wanted him. It'd taken him the past half hour just to get her to put her underwear back on, and as a penance for making her do so he had to leave his dress shirt off.

"Riza, calm down. I don't know what's gotten into you but we need to find out," he said. He was currently situated on the couch in the office and Riza was nestled in his lap, nuzzling his neck affection and occasionally nipping at the skin.

"Nothing's gotten into me you silly man," she said, moving her lips up to nibble his earlobe. "I just want to play," she said, straddling his lap. He grabbed her waist and moved her off him, though it took a lot of willpower to do so. He shouldn't have taken her already with the condition she was in but she was so damn irresistible sitting on his desk the way she was.

He walked over and grabbed his dress shirt. "Put that on," he said, handing it to her. She folded her arms and shook her head.

"I don't want to," she said, standing and walking over to him. She unfolded her arms and slid them up his chest. They soon wrapped around his neck and she pressed her body against his. She moved her lips to kiss his jaw causing Roy to bite his lip. He never realized she was so good at seducing and that he was so damned week.

He pulled away and handed her the shirt again. "Put it on and that's an order Lieutenant," he said sternly.

She growled, grabbed it out of his hand, put it on, and buttoned it begrudgingly. She looked like a child that had been scolded. Roy smiled triumphantly at getting his way. Apparently even acting as oddly as she was, Riza Hawkeye couldn't deny an order from him. He stared at her and took a deep breath. He actually found himself wondering which was worse, her in just her underwear or her in his shirt. His shirt covered more but she looked so damn good it in.

He suddenly found himself tackled and he fell back onto the couch. He should've known better than to let down his guard. He wrapped his arms around her and moved her off him once more before standing and walking over to the desk. He sat down in his chair and began writing a note, telling his subordinates that he was taking Riza home because she didn't feel…right. He jumped slightly as he felt lips kissing the back of his neck and ear.

"Riza, can you please stop this long enough for me to finish this note?" he questioned.

"Does that mean that we can go at it again after you finish the note?" she questioned.

"No, that doesn't mean we can do that. I'm taking you home and you are going to take a nice cold shower and go to bed."

"Oh…you're coming too right?"

"I am taking you home and you are going to sleep," he said. "I'll be there to keep an eye on you."

"Okay, I'll go home, and I'll take the shower but I won't sleep. You can't expect me to sleep when you are around. She moved both her hands to his shoulders and began massaging them.

Roy swallowed and nodded. He would have to give her something to knock her out when they got to her place. On second thought, it might be better if he took her to his house. He was sure he had some nice safe sleeping pills in his medicine cabinet.

Riza kissed him behind his ear and then whispered. "I want you over and over and over again."

Roy polished off his note and stood, pulling away from her. "Let go," he said. "We'll go to my place instead."

"Okay!" she said excitedly.

He gathered up her clothes and sat them on the table beside her handbag. He retrieved her coat and helped her put it on. She buttoned it and Roy made her slip on her boots since it was very cold out. He would have made her put on the rest of her clothing but figured it would be fruitless to do so. She would probably deny his orders for once if he ordered it. She seemed to be quite content in her state of dress. He slipped on his own coat and grabbed her clothing and purse.

"Let's go, we will go out the back way and to the garage."

They walked to the door when suddenly it opened and Maria and another woman walked it. Upon careful study, Roy saw that it was Denny.

"Before you say anything sir, I am not affected like everyone else," Maria said.

Riza peaked over Roy's shoulder and growled possessively. She jumped in front of Roy and narrowed her eyes.

"Back off! He's mine," Riza said.

Maria blinked and took a step back. "Damn, not Riza too?"

"Yeah," Roy said. "I was about to take her back to my place…what in the hell do you mean too?"

"Sir, almost all the women in headquarters are like this," she said. "It's like an epidemic. Every single one of them are sex crazed maniacs! To get you out of here safely we may have to dress you as a woman."

Riza turned to face Roy and wrapped her arms around him. She snuggled her face against his chest. "As long as they don't touch my Roy it's okay. If they do touch my Roy I will tear them into tinny tiny pieces very very slowly."

Roy raised an eyebrow at Maria. "Do you honestly think women, even in that state, would have the guts to go after me with Riza around?" he questioned.

Maria looked at her best friend who was nuzzling her commanding officer affectionately. Riza reminded her of a kitten who just polished off a warm tray of milk and was now thanking its master.

"Yes, you have a point," she said. "Riza's pretty much claimed you and I have no doubt that bodily harm would come to anyone that tried lay a finger on you."

Roy nodded and turned to Denny. "Denny, go get a car and meet us out front. We will drive to my place and figure out what to do from there," he said.

"Yes," he said and left the office, hoping that if he ran into a group of women that they wouldn't recognize him.

As he made his way down the hall, he paled when he saw a woman walking toward him. Oddly, she wasn't in uniform but in a floral dress with stockings and heels. On her head was a sun hat and the veil was over her face. They stopped when they spotted each other. They both turned to run when they realized that indeed both had turned to run. Why would a woman run from another one? Turning back to each other, they cautiously approached. Finally, when they were about four feet in front of each other and both smiled in relief.

"Denny?" the person in the floral dress questioned.

"Falman?" Denny questioned.

"Yeah, it's me," he said. "The men are held up in the woman's locker room. We aren't sure of the course of action to take so I was elected to go find General Mustang."

"Okay, go back and tell the men that we are heading to General Mustang's place and that…"

"Headquarter gates have been locked, there's no getting out. We didn't want the women to get out into the city. They are pretty wild."

"Crap, that's not good," he said.

"I was going to also head over to the library to see if Fuery was alright," Falman said.

"Okay, that's what we will do then. I'm sure he's probably held up there. I mean, even with the drugs Scieszka doesn't strike me as being very sexual," Denny said.

"Right," Falman said.

"I'll go tell General Mustang and Maria what is going on," he said. 'We'll meet you there."

"Maria?"  
"She's fine," Denny said.

"Excuse us," a feminine voice said, we couldn't help but overhear you."

They looked toward a door that was barely cracked and jumped back against the wall, there expressions that of absolute terror.

"Don't worry, all of us are fine," the woman said, opening the door. "We would like to know what is going on though. Our fellow female colleagues just suddenly went sex starved. "

"How many of you are there?"

"About three dozen," she said.

"Okay," stay in there and don't let anyone know you are there. We are going to talk to General Mustang and we will be back to let you know the next course of action."

"All right, please hurry. I am worried about my husband."

"Husband?" Falman questioned.

"Sergeant Lee Blackburn," she said. "Have you seen him?"

"What a coincidence. He's fine; he's in charge of the men that are holding up somewhere else."

"Thank goodness. I didn't want to have to shoot the girl that attacked him," she growled.

Denny and Falman would have normally tensed up during a comment like that but it was actually a relief to hear something normal like that.

"We will see you soon," Denny said.

The woman nodded and went back into the room, locking the door behind her.

"Let's get going," Falman said.

---

Denny made his way back to the office as Falman walked back to the locker room. He knocked as he was directed, and they let him in.

"Falman, where's the General?" Breda questioned.

"New plan, we are all to meet at the library," he said. "Fuery is probably held up there and we doubt Scieszka will be affected by whatever is making the women go crazy. I mean its Scieszka right?"

"Right," Breda said. He turned to the rest of the men. "We will figure out what is going on. Until then, you should stay held up in here."

"You got it," Blackburn said. "Good luck."

"Oh, I ran into your wife, she hasn't been affected by whatever is affecting everyone. She's with a group of women in another room."

"Thank goodness. I thought I might have to break some guy's dick off," he said.

Falman and Breda paled.

"Right…Okay, we are going." Breda said.

Falman followed Breda out of the locker room and they slowly made their way down the hall.

--

"I feel like I'm going to go to hell for dressing like this," Havoc said as he and Jacob made their way through the courtyard. "Though I am impressed with the way you made these look so much like nun clothing."

"My mom was a dress maker so I picked up a few tricks. Comes in handy for stealth."

"I bet," Havoc said.

"SISTERS!" a familiar voice shouted. They paled when they realized it was Olivier's voice. She walked up to them. "Sisters, have you see a handsome blond man come this way? He was wearing a tattered uniform, had a cigarette in his mouth, and a fearful look on his face."

Havoc lowered his head. "No child but if we see him will let you know," he said in a high-pitched voice.

"Thank you sisters," she said and started to walk away but she stopped and turned to them. "Sisters, I am not religious but would you please say a prayer for me."

"A prayer child? Of course, what shalt we pray for," Jacob said, his voice cracking slightly with the pitch and from trying to keep his laughter at bay.

"That I catch Lieutenant Havoc," she said.

"Very well child. We shall do that."

"Thank you sister," she said and waited.

Jacob coughed and lowered his head, Havoc following suit.

"Mary full of grace please help this general find her man, so that she can whip it on him like no other woman can. Amen," Jacob said, trying to keep the chuckle out of his voice.

Olivier then ran off paying no notice to the funny prayer that was really nothing like a prayer should be.

Jacob and Havoc quickly made their way toward the library. When they opened the doors and entered Jacob started laughing loudly. Havoc locked the doors and shot a glare at him.

"It's not funny!" Havoc snapped.

"She wants you so bad she's willing to ask a nun to pray she catches you. I find it hilarious!"

Havoc cursed and made his way to the main office. He knocked on the door. "Anyone in there?" he questioned.

The door opened slightly but then shut back. "Dear Lord not nuns too! Who is the cruel person that did this to all the women!"

"Fuery! It's Havoc and Jacob! Let us in!" The door opened wider and Havoc and Jacob were quickly pulled inside before the door was slammed shut and locked. They blinked in shock when they saw Scieszka tied to a chair with a rag tied around her mouth.

"Bondage Fuery?" Didn't know you had it in you!" Havoc joked.

Furey narrowed his eyes with such an evil look that it actually scared Havoc slightly.

"She was going crazy so I had to tie her up and since she was talking too much I had to gag her too."

"It's happening to almost all the women in headquarters. We came here because we thought Scieszka wouldn't be much of a threat."

"Why'd you think that?" he questioned.

"Well… okay I supposed it was kind of cruel but she just didn't seem the sexual type."

"All people are sexual. That was a rather ignorant…no, down right stupid, thing to think," he said.

"Sorry," Havoc said, shying away.

"Anyway, I've been going through these books trying to find out what was going on. I figured it was more than just Scieszka considering the way Lieutenant Hawkeye was acting."

"Need help?" Jacob asked, while removing the makeshift nun costume.

"Yeah, start reading," Fuery said. Havoc removed the costume and picked up a book.

"So what are we-" he was cut off by a huge thump on the door. Havoc walked over to it. He cracked it open slightly and saw the ugliest woman he'd ever seen. He started to shut it when Breda kept him from doing so.

"Havoc! It's Breda and Falman," he said.

"Havoc opened the door wider and let the two in before shutting it back and locking it. He looked at Falman and chuckled.

"You make the ugliest woman I've ever seen," Havoc said. "And your boob is crooked," he said, walking over to sit at the long table that was situated in the middle of the room.

Falman pulled off the hat he had on his head then the mom fabric he was using as a wig. He growled as he removed the rest of the feminine clothing.

"You weren't exactly the most attractive nun Havoc," Jacob said, while thumbing through the book in his hands. Havoc couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess you are right," he said.

"So have you figured out what has all the women in a sexual fit or do we need to keep looking?" Fuery questioned.

"Not all the women. There's about three dozen hiding out because they were a bit freaked out. I told them to stay there until we could figure out a plan of action," Falman said.

"So not all the women in headquarters are affected by whatever it is that is causing this chaos. We just have to figure out the difference between the sex craved ones and the ones not affected," Fuery said.

"You are making that sound like it's an easy task. There must be tons of similarities and differences," Havoc said.

"Do you have a better idea?" Jacob questioned.

"No, but we don't even know where to start," Havoc said.

"Let's just go over any possibilities until General Mustang gets here. That way we have some options to give him," Falman said, sitting down at the table.

---

Denny walked back to the office and knocked in the pattern that he and Maria made up for emergency. She opened the door and he walked in.

"We were just about to go downstairs," she said, quite confused as to why he was there.

"Change of plans. The gates had to be locked down to keep the women in headquarters from getting out into the city. We can't get out."

"Damn, what now?" Maria questioned.

"I ran into Falman," Denny said. "We are all going to met up at the library. Also there are more women who haven't been affected. They are in hiding until further notice. That way we know that most of the women out there are the nutty ones."

"Ouch!" Roy snapped causing Denny and Maria to look at him. Roy pulled Riza away from his neck. "No biting," he said.

"But you liked it when I bit you last night," she said, sliding one of her hands down his body before he stopped it at his belt line. "I liked when you bit me too," she said with a sensual laugh.

Denny and Maria paled causing Roy to chuckle nervously. "Let's just get going," he said.

"We going to bed?" Riza questioned.

"No," Roy said.

"That's a relief. Because if the four of us were going to bed I would have to make it clear that I am not into group sex," she said.

Denny and Maria's eyes widened significantly. They couldn't believe that Riza just said that and apparently neither could Roy judging from the deep red flush that appeared on his normally pale skin.

"There's not going to be group sex of any kind!" Roy exclaimed. "We are going to the library!"

"Oooh, we can get dirty in the stacks," she said, lowering her lips to his neck and kissing it. He sighed and bent to pick Riza up, carrying her bridal style. He directed his gaze to Denny and Maria.

"Let's go."

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**AN: More funny coming soon and Riza gets to embarass Roy a bit in more in front of the gang. Hope you liked the chapter and please review. **


	14. Getting to the Library

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 14: Getting to the Library **

**Disclaimer: ****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. ****This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

**AN: There's a few inside jokes and you will catch one of them if you are an avid reading of my other fictions. **

**Warning: As usual with this fic, you don't know what to expect so if you are uncomfortable with sexual language and themes then you might want to go read something else. (Of course, if you've read this far you can disregard this warning) You all know to expect the unexpected when it comes to my writing.  
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**Getting to the Library**

Maria stuck her head out of the office door and glanced up and down the hall making sure it was clear of her fellow women. When satisfied that all was secure she stepped into the void hall.

"Okay, everything is clear. Let's hurry to the elevator," she said.

Denny adjusted the wig on his head and his fake breasts before walking alongside Maria. Roy, carrying Riza in his arms, was walking behind them.

"This is sooo sexy," Riza groaned sensually in Roy's ear, letting her breath blow into it, causing Roy to shiver slightly at the sensation. "You are so strong and I can just imagine you all over me with your hard, smooth…" she trailed off when she kissed the side of his neck. She moaned and shifted in his arms.

Roy blushed and counted his blessings that she'd said that in a whisper. They stopped at a corner and Maria checked to make sure the coast was clear before they turned left toward the elevators.

The flame alchemist sighed in relief when the elevator came into view. Hopefully, he could put her down for a while once in there. She wasn't heavy but his arms were starting to tingle from carrying her so far, and he didn't want to drop her and possibly injure her in the slightest.

They arrived at the elevator and Roy sat Riza on her feet for a bit, her bare feet hitting the cool floor causing her to shiver and cuddle closer to him. She nuzzled her head against his chest and took a deep breath, taking in his musky scent. Roy sighed, at least she wasn't trying to tackle him to the ground: the prevention of that happening was the reason he was carrying her. In addition, she tended to be too preoccupied with seducing him to care about walking anywhere.

Maria pushed the button on the consol and they waited for the elevator to arrive, the red numbers lighting up as it got to each floor. The lift beeped and door opened revealing a group of women with ropes, bananas, cleaning supplies, and one woman was holding a codfish. Whatever was happening certainly was taking the tool on more than just the feminine libido.

"There's a man!" one of the women said, and everyone turned to look at Roy lustfully. Maria and Denny whipped out their guns as the women started to approach. Denny was relieved that they indeed thought him female. The two officers obviously wouldn't shoot the pack of women, but they could delay them long enough for Mustang to go hide. Fortunately, that wouldn't be necessary thanks to a very scary and currently possessive blonde-haired lieutenant.

"Roy Mustang is ours," the woman holding the fish said.

When the woman spoke those words, Riza's head popped up like a meerkat who was looking for predators from the safety of its home. She turned her head toward the woman and caused everyone to jump when she actually barked like a dog. Riza narrowed her eyes into small slits.

"What…did…you…just…say?" Riza questioned, pausing after each word. Her tone was so virulent and admonishing that the devil himself would chose to run in the other direction rather than face her rage.

"I…I…said Roy Mustang is…ours?" she said the last word in a questioning manner while the entire sentence was hesitantly spoken when her gaze caught Riza's tempestuous stare.

Riza laughed wickedly, lacing it with a slightly pungent tone, "No one touches MY man," she growled. "Unless you have a death wish I suggest you get out of here."

"We don't have to listen to you," a woman, clearly the youngest of the group, said.

Riza jumped toward her but Roy grabbed her around the waist. "I'm going to take that banana and shove it up your ass you damned gorilla." Riza was like a snarling rabid dog ready to attack. She distantly reminded him of an Airedale terrier: swift, formidable, graceful, intelligent, and if you try to hurt their "master" they will rip out your throat. "You will keep away from him unless you want me to skin you slowly and make you eat each piece!" she yelled causing all the women to back against the wall and nod their heads in fear.

Roy grabbed her waist tightly as she tried to get to the women. She struggled roughly in his grasp, so much that Maria had to holster her gun and rush to his aid.

"Get out of here now!" she shrieked.

Roy was stunned when the group of women turned around and bunked down the hall. It was the fastest he'd ever seen anyone move before in his life and that included Edward Elric when that amative cow got after him during a random meeting in the country.

"Did you see that? Riza made them piss themselves!" Denny exclaimed. He couldn't help but laugh at that very fact. "Their pants were wet!"

She stopped struggling in their grasp and Maria let go of her. Riza turned around to face Roy. She wrapped her arms around his neck in a very carefree manner and kissed him. He took hold of her upper arms and pushed her away from the kiss.

She frowned and bit her bottom lip like a child whose feelings were hurt.

"You don't like me?" she asked, her eyes taking on a shiny glint like tears were forming.

"Of course I do!" he said. "I love you, you know that!"

"But…but… you pushed me away. You'd rather have those other women wouldn't you?" Her voice was taking on a higher and higher pitch as she spoke.

Roy hugged her; not knowing what else to do with his girlfriend who was beyond flummoxing in this state. "No! Of course not!" he protested, quite alarmed at the sudden mood swing Riza was going through.

She nuzzled his neck and giggled. "Good because if you did I would have to rip off your dick and shove it down your throat." She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly.

Roy swallowed nervously; he never knew Riza could get so jealous and made a mental note to make sure not to cheat on her. Well, it wasn't as if he would cheat on her anyway but the note would be good to remind himself not to piss her off on the same level that cheating on her would.

Maria coughed and pressed the button to the elevator again to open the door. "Let's get going. Riza is scaring me. We have to find a way to fix this before another manic incident occurs."

Riza moved to kiss Roy's jaw line. "Oh don't worry Maria. You are a friend and I know you wouldn't take my flamie man and try to light his incense stick. Plus, you don't have a dick that I can shove down your throat you silly person. That is, unless you have a secret that you aren't revealing to anyone. In that case, since between you and Denny you seem to be the dominate one, that means Denny would enjoy taking it up the as—"

"Riza!" Roy scolded, cutting off her sentence.

Denny and Maria paled upon hearing her words and was thankful for Roy's intervention.

She looked at Roy, tilting her head quizzically. "What? It's sexually healthy to explore things! Are you sexually prejudice or somethi—"

"Let's get to the library," he said, cutting her off yet again.

Riza pulled away from him and crossed her arms. "I am not moving from this spot and you can't make me!" She placed emphasis on her statement by stomping her bare foot down on the floor, creating a slapping sound.

Roy, Maria, and Denny looked at her incredulously and wondered what other behavior she would display before the end of the day.

Roy sighed and walked closer to her. He picked her up bridal style, a squeal coming from her lips. She started giggling like mad and then moved her lips to start kissing his neck for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He figured by the end of the day, that part of him would be numb or rubbed raw if possible.

"Okay, let's go," he said. Yet again, Maria had to press the elevator button to open the door. They walked inside and the doors shut with a thump.

"Remember when we had that wild sex in here? It was a result of that strip Go Fish game! I remember I was grabbing those bars and holding on for dear life!" she exclaimed.

Denny and Maria quickly moved away from the walls.

Roy looked at the two lower officers and shook his head rapidly. "That never happened! We never had sex in here! I don't even know how to play go fish!" he protested. "Tell them Riza! We've never had sex in here right?"

Riza grinned, "Want to?" she questioned. "I'm sure Denny and Maria will turn around." She started giggling rapidly, reminding them of those skittish cheerleaders who got excited if their favorite pop idol came out with a song about a pencil.

"No, I don't!" he said.

Maria and Denny looked away and Roy bent down to whisper in her ear, "I don't know about the go fish, but when you get better we'll give the sex a shot."

Riza began laughing like an excited child as the elevator doors opened and they walked into the lobby. Roy nearly dropped Riza onto the marble floor as her teeth made contact with his ear: hitting a particularly pleasurable spot for him. If they were in any other situation, that action would be fine. In fact, it would be downright welcoming. However, the last thing he needed was to have his lower male officer stand at attention. He already felt guilty for taking her in the office the way he did after he found out she was affected by some sort of foreign…thing.

They walked to the far left side of the building and Maria pushed the door open, the handle screeching bitterly due to it rarely being used. She held the door open for Roy as he carried Riza out. They made their way to an old path that headed toward the back exit of the library. It was rarely used: most people preferring to go out the main gates and down the street.

"I can walk you know," Riza said.

"Yes, but didn't you say you wouldn't move?"

Riza cuddled close to him and laughed mischievously, indicating she had something planned. Roy heaved a huge inward sigh at the future trouble that was going to happen regarding his lovely girlfriend.

"Yes, but I promise I'll move this time. I know your strong arms are tired and I wouldn't want to tucker you out." She moved her lips to his ear. "I've got plans for you when we find a nice warm bed, some rope, blubber, and a scarlet poncho."

Roy looked at her in a strange manner. His eyes were widened, his eyebrows were twitching, and his lips looked like a sideways S . Did someone give all these women crack?

She started squirming in his arms causing him to nearly drop her on the rocky ground.

"Will you stop squirming and—" he stopped when she bit his ear again. He swallowed nervously trying to calm himself. He repeated different mantra's of the most disgusting things he could think of to try to calm his hormones.

"And what?" she said childishly, biting her bottom lip. Roy groaned inwardly at how damned hot and innocent she looked doing that.

"Fuck," he muttered.

"Okay!" Riza chirped and hugged him so hard that he fell to the ground. She moved to straddle Roy but Maria and Denny quickly pulled her off him. He sat up rubbing his lower back. He tried to stand up but it popped and he groaned in pain. He would have to sit there for a bit. He felt behind him until his hand hit something. He grasped the item and brought it in front of him to see that it was a big piece of the gray cracked stone that had fallen from the dilapidated rock wall that was situated beside the path.

He turned his gaze at Riza who was struggling to get out of the death grip that Maria and Denny held her in.

"Riza! Calm yourself! You are acting like a strumpet!" Maria exclaimed.

"I'll be Roy's strumpet if he wants me to be!" she said desperately, still struggling wildly to get out of her friends' hold. Her face was flushed, her usually immaculate hair was now in tangles, and a slight sheen of sweat was appearing on her face.

Roy was so worried about her. Whatever it was, he would call it drugs, were having an affect on her that scared him. What if they damaged her in some way? What if they suddenly made her go out and do something dangerous?

He slowly stood, cringing as his back popped again. After throwing down the moderately sized stone he held, he slowly walked over to her and cupped the side of her face.

"Riza, please," he said, "Calm down."

She stopped her movements and tilted her head at him like she was some sort of animal and didn't understand what he was saying, but was recognizing that he was indeed speaking.

Roy stared at her for a moment before he bent down and kissed her softly.

"Walk to the library with me. I hurt my back and I can't carry you. Alright?" he questioned when he pulled away from her.

"Okay," she said. Denny and Maria let her go and Roy wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They slowly made their way to the library building and were surprised to see that Riza didn't try anything amorous toward Roy.

Denny leaned toward Maria and whispered, "Why hasn't she tried to kiss him or anything?"

"Maybe whatever is causing the reaction is wearing off," Maria replied.

"RIZA!" Roy snapped and jumped away from her. Denny and Maria turned to him to see him rubbing his butt. Apparently, Maria spoke too soon.

"What?" she questioned. "Your back is hurt so that means sex is out but that doesn't mean I can't grope your fine piece of ass. It was just begging to be touched. I heard it talk."

"That was a fart!" he said, not giving a damn about revealing his butt trumpeting. "Behave yourself or I will let Maria walk with you and I will run ahead to the library."

"But I don't like her! She's not my type!"

Everyone blinked at her as Riza turned to Maria. "No offense but I like meat in my taco shell!"

Maria nodded slowly and turned around. "Um… let's go," she said, walking off. Denny laughed awkwardly and then quickly followed Maria.

Roy turned toward Riza and took her hand. "Come on," he said.

"You are so sweet. I'm glad you are the owner of the plane that is stored in my hangar."

Roy sighed. "You are full of innuendos aren't you?"

Riza laughed. "I wouldn't mind if you were in my indo."

Roy groaned and picked her up, ignoring the pain in his back, and rushed her to the library doors. The sooner he got to the library, the sooner he could begin researching. Then he, hopefully, could figure out what was wrong with his lover and the rest of the women at headquarters.

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**AN: Sorry it took so long to get out this chapter. I hope you laughed and please drop a review. They are much loved. **


	15. The Potential Source

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 15: The Potential Source **

**Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

**Warning: As usual with this fic, you don't know what to expect so if you are uncomfortable with sexual language and themes then you might want to go read something else. (Of course, if you've read this far you can disregard this warning) You all know to expect the unexpected when it comes to my writing.**

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**The Potential Source**

Roy slowly carried Riza up to the front desk of the library where Scieszka usually worked. His arms were going numb and tingling, and his back felt like someone was taking tiny needles and constantly poking him with them. He sat her down on her feet and didn't flinch when Riza cuddled closer to him, something that had become a common thing with her that day. He gazed at the area and saw that there were no signs of anyone in the vicinity. They looked over at the office and saw that the door was closed and the shade inside that cover the small window bearing the librarian's name was pulled down.

"They must be in there," Maria said as she and Denny walked around the front desk.

"Is that where we are going to screw?" she questioned, giddily as she saw the two officers walk toward the office.

"No, that's not where we are going to screw," Roy snapped at her, extremely frustrated that everything that came from his lover's mouth was about sex. After this, he didn't want to hear about sex for quite a while.

Riza bit her bottom lip and tears came to her eyes in small glittery pools. "You don't have to be so mean. You don't love me anymore do you," she said, her voice sounding oddly small and submissive.

Roy heaved a huge sigh, causing his body to visually lift and lower slightly. "Of course I love you Riza."

"No…no…you don't," she said lowly, as the tears began rolling down her cheeks.

Roy groaned inwardly but at the same time his heart ached as his weak point came into play. He hated to see any woman cry and seeing Riza with tears was especially torrent on his emotions. He never wanted to make the love of his life cry ever. The times he did so were some of the most tortuous things he could have ever done to his mind and heart.

Roy pulled her closer. "It's okay, I love you. Don't worry."

Riza sniffed. "Promise?" she questioned in the manner a small child would when they were hurt.

Roy nodded, "I promise."

"HEHE!" she yelped and knocked him to the floor, her lips covering his.

Maria and Denny walked closer to the office, unaware of what Riza was doing to her commanding officer on the floor at that moment. Maria knocked on the door gently. They stood there for quite a while and waited for someone to open the door. Maria then knocked again, this time using the pinky side of her fist to pound roughly on the brown wood. "Guys! Open up! It's Maria, Denny, Riza, and the general! Don't worry! There's no one that's been affected that is a danger to you."

The door slowly creaked open and she saw a blue eye peak out of the inch wide crack. It moved to the left and right, searching around her before opening the door fully; revealing that the eye belonged to none other than Jean Havoc.

"Thank god, now that the general is here maybe…" he trailed off as he looked around, seeing no sign of Mustang anywhere. "Where is the Chief?"

A confused look crossed Maria and Denny's faces. They turned around to see no sign of Mustang or Hawkeye.

"I don't get it. They were here a minute ago."

They all jumped slightly when they heard a muffle then a thumb from the floor behind the desk. They leaped back when a hand reached over the counter and hit flat on its palm, causing a pencil holder and stapler to fall onto the floor. Following the appearance of the hand, Roy's head appeared over the desk. "HELP!" he said, and then another hand grabbed his head and pulled him out of sight.

"Oh god…Hawkeye's doing that isn't she?" Havoc questioned, his voice filled with a sense of frustration and dread. With Hawkeye affected as well, things were going to be especially difficult.

"Yeah," Maria said. "We'd better help him."

"Um…you make sure she's decent first. Then we'll help."

"She's decent but not by AH! NOT THERE!" Roy shrieked.

"Hurry!" Maria said rushing around to pull Riza off Mustang.

"Mariaaaa you always spoil everything," Riza said. "I don't wanna be your friend anymore!"

Denny and Havoc helped Roy to his feet and he tucked his tank top back into his pants and zipped them up.

"I never knew Riza was so damned strong. She's got an Armstrong's grip," Roy said.

Havoc shuddered. "Please, don't mention an Armstrong."

Roy looked at him quizzically. "Why? Is Olivier Armstrong after you or something?" Roy joked.

Havoc paled much in the same manner as when her younger sister rejected him, causing Roy to take a step back. "You are kidding? Olivier Armstrong is after you?"

Havoc took out a lighter and lit his cigarette. "Yeah, she is," he muttered, turning back to normal.

"Some help here please," Maria said, struggling to hold Riza.

"Maria! Your boobie is pressing against my back and its making me feel awkward! I love you but not like that!"

Maria instantly let her go causing Riza to fall on her face. Everyone stopped and stared at her for a moment as she lay still. Suddenly she shot up in a sitting position and stared at Roy. She tilted her head and smiled widely. He cautiously kneeled before her and stared into her eyes.

"I fell," she said with a giggle. "Right on my face!"

"Yes I know," he said.

Suddenly Riza's face changed from that of childish amusement to one of devilish anger. Her eyes narrowed and the vein on her forehead twitched. "Why did you let me fall?" she questioned, her voice low and very minatory.

Roy jumped back as she stared at him with a look of maliciousness. His back pressed against the desk and he began sweating over the steal melting glare she was giving him. This wasn't good. It was already too much that she was sex crazed with mood swings ranging from childish to sexy: he didn't need rampaging psycho bitch potential murderer added to the mix.

"Answer me," she said with a growl while getting on all fours and crawling toward him like a lioness preparing to leap on her prey and tear out its throat. Her mouth was in a shape befitting an upcoming snarling sound and her hair was falling down over her shoulders in tangled waves of blond tresses. If she weren't giving off such a menacing aura, he would have been incredibly turned on.

"Guys, some help please," Roy said.

"I'm not touching her. I would like to keep my man parts thank you," Havoc said.

"It's an order," he said and screeched when she leaped on him and hugged him tightly, straddling his slightly inclined body. "I forgive you this time!" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Roy wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her briefly. When he pulled away, he noted that a small rash was appearing around the edge of Riza's neck. He reasoned that she must have fell in something when she knocked him to the ground outside. He would have it looked at after she was back to normal. "Riza, we need to stand up."

"Fine Fine," she said, and hopped to her feet, reminding Roy of a cheerleader he dated in academy.

He slowly stood and cringed as his back popped, "I need to sit in a soft chair."

Riza grabbed his arm and giggled. "Or lay down in a nice warm bed," she said and moved to scratch at her side. She shifted slightly and moved closer to his body.

"Are you guys going to come in or not? If not then we are going to shut the door and leave you all out there at the mercy of the horny harpies that are lurking," the group heard Jacob yell.

"Yeah, we are coming," Havoc said.

The group made their way into the room and Havoc locked the door behind him. Roy directed his gaze over to Scieszka, who was tied to a chair, gagged, and fast asleep.

"You all did this to her?" Roy questioned, and tensed as Riza started kissing his neck. He sighed and tried his best to pretend as if she wasn't doing what she was.

"Nah, I did this before the others got here. It was the only way to keep her away from me," Fuery stated.

Roy stared at his youngest subordinate and laughed. "Good job," he said.

"If you want to tie the Lieutenant to a chair there's some spare rope holding back the other curtains out there."

"No, could you imagine what she'd do when she's back to normal if she found out that I tied her up?"

Everyone in the room looked at the blond sharpshooter who was currently enjoying the activities she was undertaking with the skin of Roy's neck.

"Good point," everyone said.

Riza stopped her actions toward Roy's neck and looked around the room until her gaze fell upon a slumbering Scieszka. "Awwww," she said with a mischievous laugh. "Someone's been playing bondage."

The others just heaved a sigh and started to sit down. Roy made his way over to a leather couch and sat down, relieved that his back was now resting against something soft. Riza sat down beside him and cuddled closer but didn't make any amatory advances toward him.

Denny took off his wig and the feminine clothing he was previously donning and took a seat at the table where Maria was sitting. Havoc leaned against a desk and took a long drawl off his cigarette, then expelling the smoke into the air.

Roy looked at Fuery, Jacob, Breda, and Falman, who were sitting at a table covered with books. "Please tell me you've found something."

"I think so sir," Fuery said. "I have reason to believe that whatever is affecting the women is some kind of aphrodisiac."

"An aphrodisiac? Is that the best you have? Fuery, all these women are acting like stark raving mad sex feigns. No aphrodisiac would cause a reaction like this," Maria said, gesturing to Riza.

"She's right, and besides, how did all the women in HQ get an aphrodisiac? Wouldn't they have to take it in pill form or drink a glass of the mixture? And a large amount at that?" Denny questioned.

"Not if it was Kildarin," Fuery noted. "According to this medical journal," he said, picking up a large blue book with a gold symbol on the front cover, "It takes merely a drop of Kildarin to activate the sex drive and it can be hidden in drinks. It's the only potent drug of its kind that could make the women go this crazy. The downfall is that it doesn't tend to cause a reaction like the ones displayed. Each woman would have had to have more than three tablespoons mixed to even come remotely close to the current reactions they are having. Even then, it is unlikely. However, this is our best shot at the moment."

"At least it is something," Roy said. "Let's go over it further."

They heard a thump and looked over to see that Scieszka was awake and trying to get untied. She started moving up and down, trying to get her chair to move but suddenly fell to the right.

Fuery sighed as he put down the book. He stood and walked over to his tied up girlfriend. After lifting the chair (and her) back to an upright position, he left her there, still tied to the piece of furniture. He sat back down and picked up the book once again. He passed it to Falman who in turn passed it to Roy.

"Yay! Sex book," Riza said, staring down at the pages as Roy read. "Hey, there are no pictures!" She grabbed it and threw it at Fuery who barely managed to catch it before it made contact with his face.

"So basically Kildarin is a shot in the dark. There's no way that women could have that much in their system," Havoc said.

"Tell me more about it," Roy said.

"Tell me more about you," Riza muttered in a giggle. "Actually I know all about you, including that cute little birthmark in the shape of a rose on your left buttchee-" Roy kissed Riza quickly to shut her up, a dark red blush creeping over his face.

He pulled away from her lips and turned his head to the others in the room. He narrowed his eyes into small slits, daring them to ever mention it again. They all looked away for a moment trying to gain a bit of composure over hearing about the feminine birthmark and the location. Riza crawled onto Roy's lap and rested her head on his right shoulder; she was shuddering slightly, worrying Roy a bit.

Then again, she was just wearing her underwear, his dress shirt, and her coat, so it wasn't surprising that she would be cold. She closed her eyes and much to Roy's surprise, she instantly fell asleep, small snores emitting from her body. They all turned when they heard the first snore and relaxed. Now maybe they could get something done while she was asleep.

Roy picked her up and moved off the couch, so that he could lay her down on it. He took off his coat and put it over her before going over to the table to sit down.

Maria gazed quickly at Roy before looking down at a book. All he was wearing was an undershirt and his uniform pants. She never realized exactly how good-looking Roy was and noted that Riza was a lucky woman. She glanced over at Denny and smiled softly. Hopefully, someday, she would be just as lucky with the blond haired sergeant sitting beside her.

"Now, let's continue. Tell me more about Kildarin. What are the side effects, what are the symptoms of overdosing on the drug?"

"Side effects are hallucinations, mood swings, shivers, small rashes on some parts of the body, and glazed eyes. However, most women will not show these side effects. Overdosing is the same effects except stiffer," Falman stated.

"But why are we worried about overdosing? There's no way they all could-"

"Hold up," Roy said. "You said 'most women will not exhibit these side effects.'"

"Yes sir," Fuery said.

"Women," Roy said, clicking his tongue, his mind going a mile a minute thinking of all the different possibilities presenting themselves in reels of different directions that this drug could go.

"Sir, we know its women being affected already," Jacob said.

"Fuery, what kind of effect does it have on men?" Roy asked.

Fuery flipped a few more pages. "It says here that it was designed in Xing in the early 17th century. It was designed to slip discreetly to the newest wives of the emperor or the latest inexperienced courtesans in the courts. It is designed specifically for the female anatomy and it has no known effect on men."

"I see. Well that means that it is possible that we have consumed it but it didn't work."

"Yes, it is very possible," Fuery said.

"Still the main question is how did the women get so much to make them act like this?"

"How is it administered Fuery? In as much detail as you can give me." Fuery put down the medical journal and picked up another large book.

"The drug is administered through liquid form through another liquid mixture. It is not recommended to be consumed with juice and water because the chemicals in the drug can be detected."

"So, there's no juice and no water. Well that counts one thing out," Havoc said.

"What's that?" Maria questioned, turning toward Havoc.

"It's certainly not something in the water!" Havoc replied, with a chuckle.

"If I wasn't sitting down and you weren't way over there I would smack you in the face," Maria said.

"Well, when there's a bunch of weird pregnancies, they always say, don't drink the water or there's something in the water right? Well we have a bunch of horny women on our hands so the term fits."

"Moving on…" Roy said, interrupting the conversation between Havoc and Maria. Roy took out his black book and started writing. So, our lead is Kildarin since it affects only women. The plus sides of it being the correct source is that it can be potent if used too much and the side effects certainly go along with what has been happening to Riza. She's been shivering, she's broken out into some kind of rash, and she's having excessive mood swings. I don't know about glazed eyes and I don't want to wake her to find out."

Fuery stood and walked over to Scieszka who was still struggling to get out of her chair. He grabbed her chin and looked at her eyes. "Yes, they are glazed."

"So we got everything but hallucinati-" Roy was cut off by Scieszka.

"Hello Santa! I've been a good girl this year," she said to Fuery. The young man turned to Roy. "Looks like all the side effects fit."

"Alright, looking at the downsides of this being the cause. The downside is that it would have to be large amounts of the drug and it would have to be administered through some liquid to have any sort of effect. What are the liquids?"

"Kildarin is one of the few drugs that can be consumed with alcohol, in which it is most typically consumed. However, it is also undetectable when served with tea, milk, and coffee," Falman read.

Roy started laughing. There's our next step. "Ross, go to the science building and get me…" Roy began writing down things for her to retrieve, "the stuff on this list. Broch, don your female clothing and go with her."

"Yes sir," he said. He quickly put on the dress and wig and left with Maria.

"Now, we need to test the tea and coffee pots for those drugs. Falman and Breda, since you are dressed as women, I need to send you on a mission as well."

"Yes sir," Breda said.

"I want you to get me a sample of any of the liquids that aren't juice or water from the mess hall and bring them back here. If my line of thinking is right, the women who drank something in the hall were affected."

"But Maria drank something there."

"Then she must have drunk something that wasn't drugged. Either way, be sure to get a sample of everything. Also, it is possible that the women who weren't affected might have a natural immunity to it. It's better to test everything so we can rule them out."

"Yes sir!" Falman and Breda said, leaving the room.

Roy looked at Fuery. "Good work," he said. "Even if this turns out to be a dead end, you've done well."

"So chief, instead of something in the water, there's something in the liquid?"

"Yeah, perhaps. However, if it is Kildarin, it has to be a hell of a lot, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we need to get to work."

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**AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review if you wish. They are much loved. **


	16. The Solution and the Plan

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 16: The Solution and the Plan **

**Disclaimer: ****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**The Solution and the Plan **

Breda and Falman managed to get the samples from the kitchen without incident as Roy sat up the hotplate that he took from the break room of the library. He didn't have much to work with in the way of a lab but would do his best. What he didn't have, he would find a way to transmute.

He grinned inwardly; his little set up reminded him of his lab he built when he was a child. If he had the time, he would have been happy to drift off in memory lane but time wasn't on his side. If he didn't find the cause of what was going on and how to fix it, the women of headquarters might go out into the public and that would be very very inconvenient.

He looked over at Riza who was now cuddled up in his coat fast asleep. He hoped she'd sleep long enough for him to work in peace. The door to the room then opened and Denny and Maria entered, each of them carrying a box full of equipment. They sat it down and began removing the items.

"Did you get everything?" Roy said.

"Yes, we got everything that was on the list," Maria replied. "And I even picked up a few things not on it. Like some extra dyes, if by a chance you need to do any Gram Staining. I know it's only for bacteria but you never know what you'll need."

"Thank you, I appreciate that," Roy said, plugging in the microscope and adjusting it to where he needed it. Okay, put some water in that beaker and heat it on the plate. That will be to wash the microscope slides to purify them."

"Right," Maria said, doing what he asked.

"So how are you going to find this drug chief?"

"Well established chemical colorant indicators. They'll detect what reasonable concentrations of drugs are in a solution. I can look for things such as Gamme Hydroxybutryte."

"Um…What?"

"Just trust me. If there's a drug in one of these substances, I'll find it. Explaining what I am doing would do nothing except give you a headache."

"Oh…not there… Roy you aren't supposed to suck on that," Riza groaned. Everyone looked up to see her turn on the couch and giggle. "You're so bad…um…oh yes . . . right there. . . "

Roy blushed and coughed when everyone turned to look at him. "Ross, is that water hot yet?"

--

After the water was heated, the test equipment was cleaned, and all the chemicals and samples Roy needed was organized and put on slides, he began his task.

"Give me the milk slide first," Roy said.

Maria carefully handed him the slide and he slid it under the microscope. After careful examination, he realized there was nothing at all odd about the milk.

"No, nothing," he said, removing the slide. He picked up the slide with the sample of tea on it and saw there wasn't anything unusual about it either. He then took the coffee.

"Didn't you have the coffee Maria?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah, I did. I was slightly affected by whatever has happened but I didn't go crazy."

Roy looked at the coffee and shook his head. He then picked up the slide with the creamer on it. "The book says that the Kildarin alters the compound of the drink. But nothing has been altered about…the creamer…" he said, trailing off. He looked up at Maria. Did you have the creamer?"

"Yes, I put it in my coffee. Come to think about it, so did Riza."

"But Scieszka doesn't have the coffee in the mess hall," Fuery said. "She has a pot right here."

"I asked her about that today actually!" Falman said. "She said it was broken here."

"Then it's the creamer in the coffee," Roy said. "This is almost exact to the Kildarin molecule in the books. It says that the chemical will react with water. Let's see…" Roy dropped a tiny bit of water onto the slide and watched as the molecules reacted violently. "Kildarin's our culprit."

"But why didn't it work on me like it did everyone else. It doesn't make any sense," Maria said.

"I don't know. You and the other women that were unaffected must have a difference in them that the other women don't have. Tell me, are you on any medication that Riza or Scieszka wouldn't be on?"

"Nothing but birth control," Maria said. "Riza is on those though, isn't she?"

"Um…yeah," Roy said. "At least I hope so. Can you think of anything else that would be different in your body structure?"

Maria sat down and thought for a moment. "No, there's nothing."

"Okay, now what?"

"Well, we know that it's Kildarin but to fix it when need to know why it didn't react with the other women. It says in the medical book that it should react on all females' anatomy."

"It did, it reacted with me but not to the point of how most of the women are acting. I got a weird desire but it was nothing I couldn't control."

Roy's eyes widened. "So basically, it worked normally on you. Nothing too outlandish."

She looked surprised. "Yes, you could say that. In fact, the more I think about it the more it makes sense."

"Then that means that it wasn't the concentration of Kildarin but a possible reaction of it against something else."

"So how do we figure out what this common reaction is?" Havoc stated.

"Survey," Fuery said. "We could trap the affected women and ask them what they had to eat, drink or special medicines they might be on."

"How do you propose we do that? They are rampaging for anything with a penis."

"First we can ask Riza," Roy said, standing from his chair.

He walked over and shook her slightly. "Riza, Riza, wak-" She suddenly woke up and knocked him to the floor, "up."

She giggled. "You are horny again, you naughty boy you," she said and moved down to kiss him on the neck. He sat up and firmly pushed her off him. He helped her stand and sat her down on the couch.

"I need to ask you something," Roy said.

"For sex?" she questioned.

"No," he said.

"Good because you know you don't have to ask. Just whip it out and stick it in. Just like one of those dunking sticks that you eat with coffee. But I personally think you taste better than a du-"

"What kind of medicines have you been taking?"

"I don't take medicines you silly little man you," she said, crawling on his lap and nuzzling his neck.

"You haven't taken any at all?"

"This is boring I don't wanna talk. I want to…"

"If you talk I'll give you whatever you want. Okay?" Roy said, causing everyone in the room to look at him in shock. They really didn't want to hear that he and Riza would be having sex very very soon if she cooperated. Then again, they weren't sure if Roy meant what he said. Most likely, he wouldn't ever have sex with Riza while she was in this kind of condition. She just wasn't herself.

She pulled away and smiled widely. "Really? All I have to do is talk?" she asked.

"You have to answer my questions as best you can," he replied.

"Okay!"

He looked toward Havoc. "Write this down."

"Right," he said, grabbing a pen and paper.

"What have you had to eat today?" he began.

"A crème puff and some coffee," she said. "And you of cours-"

"Are you on any medication?"

"Noperonni," she said. "All I've had are my little shots. I got the mark right here." She pulled down the neckline of the shirt Roy gave her to wear so that her shoulder and her upper arm were showing.

"Shots?" Roy questioned.

"That's right! Last names A through H-ey poo had their shoty poos yesterday evening poo after worky poo."

Roy's eyes widened. "Fuery, what's Scieszka's last name?"

"Baker," he stated.

"Rebecca Catalina, Olivier Armstrong," he said and turned to Maria. "You haven't had your shots yet?"

"No, like she said, yesterday it was only A through H."

"What kind of shots were they?"

"Standard booster shots," she said.

"Alright, go get me the names of all the women that aren't affected. Falman can show you where they are. This may be exactly what is wrong."

"Yes sir," she said, leaving with Falman has he donned his wig.

"It's the vaccinations. It's the goddamned vaccinations. It reacted with the Kildarin in the creamer."

"The book said it reacted with other drugs," Fuery said.

"Fuery, borrow Denny's outfit, go to the medical clinic, and see if you can find the booster kits they use. I want to test something out."

"Yes sir," he said and took the feminine clothing Denny was wearing.

"Breda, you go with him," Roy ordered.

"Ohhh you are getting so bossy. What a turn on! Why don't you order me around too?" Riza said, and bit his ear. "I will do whatever you want my ultra sexy general."

Roy really wished he could take her up on that offer. Everything she'd been doing was tempting, if it had been actual Riza doing it. This woman on his lap was Riza only physically. Right now the aphrodisiac had her so screwed up she wasn't herself mentally. He wouldn't have had sex with her in the office had he known it was drugs causing her to act that way.

"I answered your questions now give me what I want," she said, moving her hands down to his manhood. He pulled them away and shook his head.

"Now, now, I never said when I would give you what you wanted. Did I?"

Riza looked at him and blinked. "You meanie!" She sniffed and wrinkled her nose like a disappointed child. "You are mean to me. You meanie."

"I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you later. Honestly, I'll do whatever you want. Okay?"

"Don't need to hear that," Jacob notified him, but it fell on deaf ears.

She folded her arms and moved off his lap, sitting on the couch like she was having a tantrum. "Fine," she said in a whiney tone.

Roy sighed and stood, stretching his back and cringing when it popped. "God I'm getting old," he said.

"Been telling you that for years chief."

"Don't make me go get Olivier Armstrong," Roy said, effectively shutting Havoc up.

--

Half an hour later, Fuery and Breda returned with not only the booster kit but also a young woman and man that worked in the clinic. They stood before Roy and saluted.

"I'm Sergeant Cisco and this is Sergeant Pinson," the young man said. "We were the one administering the boosters. Sergeant Fuery said you might need of our assistance."

"Yes, yes I do," Roy said. "Sit down, it is almost too unbelievable to fathom," Roy cast a glance at Riza, wondering why she wasn't talking and saw that she was curled on the couch asleep again. He glanced over at Scieszka who was also sound asleep. This was a very good thing indeed.

"Sir, after what I saw with the women today, I'll believe almost anything," Cisco said, gaining Roy's attention once more.

Roy proceeded to tell them about what happened and what his suspicions were: they both agreed that it could be possible. They also notified Roy that there was little that could interfere with the vaccinations. However, they could treat the Kildarin by finding what would neutralize the aphrodisiac.

"It says in the medical journals that it is useless in water and juice. I tested it in water and just didn't like what I saw."

"Too bad we don't have someone that knows a lot about them. Someone that works with them a lot," Fuery said, absently.

"Damn it, my mother. I was so distracted I never thought of asking her," he said and stood. He walked over to a phone and called the brothel his mother, Madam Christmas owned. "I feel so stupid," he said. "She would know about aphrodisiacs."

"Why would your mom know about…" Havoc trailed off when Roy looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, right," he said, remembering Christmas's profession.

"Madam Christmas's Lounge, where it's Christmas all year 'round. This is Vanessa speaking."

"Vanessa! It's Roy, put Christmas on now."

"Roy! How are you doing?"

"I can't talk right now, put my mother on."

"Fine, be all rude and stuff. Madam Christmas, your unfriendly son is on the phone!" she screeched, causing Roy to move the phone away from his ear. He put it back in its previous position when he heard Christmas's voice.

"Yes?" she questioned.

"Do you know anything about Kildarin," Roy questioned, getting straight to the point.

"Why in the hell do you need to know about an aphrodisiac? You've never had any trouble getting women in your bed. Don't tell me you are having trouble getting aroused. You don't need an aphrodisiac Roy. It's nothing your right hand can't fix. Besides, Kildarin only works on women."

"It's not for a woman and it's not for me. It's for something else. Is there a way to counter it?"

"What? You gave it to someone by mistake?

"I'll tell you all about it later. Just tell me if there's any way to cancel it out."

"Citrus juices or lots of water," she said, confidently.

"Are you sure that's safe. I ran a test and it—"

"I've been dealing with these types of things since before you were born. Trust me. The woman will get sick as a dog but it will work," she said. "It's perfectly safe. Just be sure the women stay hydrated through recovering from the drug."

"Thanks," he said and hung up without saying goodbye. He didn't have time for such frugalities.

"She said citrus juices or water."

"But weren't you uneasy about the water."

"I trust Madam Christmas. If she says its citrus juice or water, we will trust her with that."

Suddenly the door opened and Maria walked inside with Falman. Falman had two men with him.

"Sir, we have confirmed that the aphrodisiac is Kildarin," she said. "We have also confirmed that the last names of the unaffected women are I through Z. It is the boosters and drug interaction."

"How have you confirmed the drug?" he questioned.

"These two," she said, motioning to the men with them. "This is Sergeant Kurr, and Sergeant Anblomi. Roy narrowed his eyes at the men causing them to take a step back.

"We didn't mean to do this. We left it beside the creamer in the mess by mistake. By the time we realized it, it was too late," he said.

"Why didn't you come forward with the information when it happened?"

"To who sir? We couldn't get to anyone."

"Sir, we found them up on the fire escape on our way back," Maria said. "Hiding from the women."

"I see," he stated and stood. "Do you have any of the papers that came with it, with you?"

"Yes sir," Anblomi said, and handed him a small sheet.

Roy gazed over it and sighed. "Well this doesn't tell us anything that we didn't' already know. Falman, hold the men here."

"Yes sir," he said.

"Breda, go get me some water, we'll sober up Riza and Scieszka first." Ross, you and Broch retrieve the unaffected women, then go to the mess hall, and get all the glasses out. Fill them with water, and any citrus juice there is. Then get as many of the affected women in their drinking it."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Broch said.

Roy glanced at Anblomi and Kurr. "Use bait."

The two sergeants paled when they realized exactly what Mustang was meaning to do.

"Tell the women that there are healthy sexually active men in the mess and that the more water they drink the sooner they will appear. Maybe for a giant orgy or something."

"You have got to be kidding me?" Maria questioned.

"No," Roy said flatly. "After you get them in the cafeteria, Havoc, Jacob, Falman, and Denny will bar the doors from the outside.

"Where do we come in?" Anblomi questioned.

"You are going to lure some of the women into the cafeteria," Roy said, causing the two men to pale. "I hope you two can run fast."

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**AN: Hope you liked this chapter. Please review, they make me put a lamp shade on my head and riverdance. . . okay. Not really but I can riverdance XD.**


	17. Sobering Up

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 17: Sobering Up **

**Disclaimer:**** Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Sobering Up**

When Maria, Jacob, Falman, Havoc, and Denny left with Anblomi and Kerr, Roy turned his gaze to Riza. She was curled up on the couch, in his coat, sleeping peacefully. He grinned when he saw the small smile on her lips and the way her cheeks were flushed rosy. He really didn't want to wake her up but if he didn't he wouldn't be able to get her better.

"Oh Roy. Silly General, dick is for-" she started to mutter before Roy shook her gently, causing her talking to stop, but not waking her. It wouldn't do for her to mumble any other embarrassing things regarding his nether area.

"This is embarrassing to say the least," Fuery said, making conversation with Roy.

"At least yours is gagged," Roy replied.

"True," Fuery responded, looking back at Scieszka.

Roy and Fuery looked toward the door as they heard Breda enter. He was carrying a large ewer of water and two glasses filled with water as well. He handed one to Roy then one to Fuery before sitting the ewer on the desk.

Roy shook Riza again this time causing her to rouse from her slumber. She slowly opened her eyes and yawned loudly before catching a glimpse of him and smiling like she was the most pleased person in Amestris.

"Are you going to screw me now with your driver?" she asked, giggling at her references to tools.

"First I need you to drink this," he said, helping her sit up straight and sitting on the couch beside her.

She took the glass and stared at it as if she'd never seen such a thing. "What is it?" she questioned.

"Its water," he said, quite bewildered.

"Oh… Why do I need to drink this? I have not partaken in anything strenuous that requires that I be filled with this liquid known as H2O. However, if you want to help me do something strenuous I will drink all the waaaaaaaaa…ter that you want me to afterward. You have to make me nice and thirsty."

"You need to drink it because I really really want you to," he answered, hoping that she wouldn't fight him too much on the topic. He was extremely tired and wanted to get the stressful happenings of the day over and done with and go get some rest. Preferable that rest would be with him holding Riza in his arms and engaging in full sleeping actions.

"Sooo what do I get if I consume this crystal transparent liquid that you call …waaaaaaaaa…ter."

"Um… well what do you want?" he questioned, then mentally hitting himself in the head when he realized what her answer would be.

Riza giggled like one of his air headed dates and cuddled closer to him, "You naked of course."

"Okay, you get me," he said.

"Right after I drink this. I don't want you pulling one of you little stunts like the ones you did with the bribing me for information. It was very very mean of you to do that," she said and then kissed the tip of his nose.

Roy groaned and finally nodded. "I promise you that we will when we get home."

"Your place?" she questioned.

Roy nodded, "Yes, my place."

"Good because you have a bigger bed than I do," she said with a wide grin. "Pinky promise," she said, holding her pinky up to him.

Roy looked at the appendage, sighed again, and wrapped his pinky around hers. He never thought he would ever dread having sex with the love of his life but now, with her being so crazed, he did. If all went well he wouldn't have to follow through on this and she'd be back to normal.

Riza pulled her hand away from his and drank all of the water in the glass. She smiled and lowered the container. "Done!" she said and stood, "let's go!"

Roy grabbed the glass, then the ewer, and poured more water into the container. "Drink a few more glasses first," he said.

Riza heaved a giant sigh of disappointment and sat down on the couch roughly. "Fine fine," she replied. He handed her the glass and she started drinking it slowly at first. She frowned as she sipped. "This stuff is horrible. Water isn't supposed to taste bad. It isn't even supposed to taste."

"Please just keep drinking it," he said, taking her comment as a hint that the water was having its effect on the aphrodisiac. She made another sickened face before holding her nose and taking a bigger drink.

Roy turned his head to Fuery. "How's it going over there?" Roy questioned.

"She's still on the first glass. I had to bribe her as well," Fuery said.

"Ah," Roy replied and turned to Riza who was finished with the water. She leaned back against the couch, her face looking rather pale.

He took the glass and poured some more water into it before handing it back to her. She glared at it with such intensity that he almost expected the liquid to boil. "I don't want anymore."

"Riza, please," he said, "just a few more. Trust me, you will thank me later."

She took it, held her nose once again to block out the taste it had and downed the entire glass without a breath.

"Why do I have to drink all of this?" Riza gasped as she lowered the glass once again, away from her mouth.

"Because you are a lovely woman who wants to make me very happy by drinking a lot of water," he answered, moving in to kiss her forehead.

"I am?" she questioned.

"Yes," he said when he pulled away.

"Can I have a real kiss?" she questioned, "not a forehead one."

Roy cupped her cheek with his hand and moved to kiss her lips gently. He pulled away and Riza smiled widely. "I liked that kiss."

"Me too," he said, smiling at her.

They both turned when they heard Scieszka say, "Can you screw me now?"

Fuery sighed, leaned against the desk, and gripped the empty glass tightly, incredibly frustrated at the way Scieszka was acting.

Breda grabbed the pitcher of water and walked over to Fuery, refilling the glass.

"You know, this is the first time I've ever felt the need to hold her head underwater for a long period of time," Fuery said, causing Roy and Breda to laugh loudly.

"The water will work and Scieszka will be back to herself in no time," Roy said.

"I hope so," he replied.

"I'll go get some more water," Breda said, leaving and then quickly returning with more water. He poured another glass for Riza who growled and began drinking yet again. Halfway through the glass she cough, causing water to go all over her, she dropped the glass and rushed over to the garbage can, hurling some fluid into the waste receptacle. Roy rushed to her side and held her hair back as she began vomiting and struggling to breathe during the time she wasn't throwing up.

"Breda, get another garbage can for Scieszka. She's going to need one," Roy said.

"Right," he said, and left the room soon to return with what he set out to retrieve. He sat it in front of Scieszka who was now untied and still drinking some of the water. She was paler than normal, her eyes were watering, and she had a hard time sitting upright as she drank.

Roy turned his gaze back to Riza and began rubbing his hand up and down her back as she began vomiting even more. When she finally stopped, she pulled back from the wastebasket and gazed at him. Roy's heart dropped at how sickly looking she'd become in such a short time. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the corner of her mouth gently, offering her the best smile he could muster under the circumstances.

"You all right?" he questioned, knowing what her answer would be. She shook her head and leaned against him, cuddling into him as his arms wrapped around her. Roy continued to rub her back gently.

"I'm thirsty now," she moaned.

"You should drink more-" He stopped talking when he heard Scieszka heave and turned his head to see her throwing up into the other garbage can.

He turned his gaze back to Breda and sighed. "You need to don your dress again and go to the cafeteria. Tell them to have plenty of… vomit catching containers."

"Yeah, good idea," he said, putting on the feminine clothing and leaving the office. Roy led Riza back over to the couch and sat the garbage can in front of her before getting her another glass of water. She slowly sipped it and leaned back against the couch.

Roy sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him and groaned, moving her legs up to rest under her and moving closer to his body. As much as Roy hated seeing her like this, if it got the damned drug out of her then it would be worth it.

---

Breda carefully made his way to the mess hall, keeping a close eye out for any crazed women that the group in the hall didn't catch. As he turned the corner, he spotted Anblomi and Kerr sitting on a couch that was moved against the mess hall doors. Their hair was disheveled and he spotted a few bald patches where the hair had been yanked out. The clothing that wasn't torn off was sweat-soaked and their skin was glistening with perspiration. They turned their gaze to him and suddenly jumped up on the couch as if he was some kind of poisonous animal. At first, he didn't know why they reacted the way that they did but then remembered he was still dressed like a woman.

He reached up and removed the wig. "Do I pass that well for a woman?" Breda said. "If so I am seriously considering a makeover."

The two sergeants instantly calmed down and returned to their previous seated positions. Kerr took a deep breath, "It's not that, it's just we have so much sweat in our eyes right now we can't really make out your face."

"I see. Gave you a run for your money did they?"

"That's putting it mildly. Luring those women into that mess hall was the most terrifying experience of my life, and I was in Ishbal!" Anblomi said, still breathing a bit speedier than normal.

"Yeah, they were grabbing at our clothing and trying to rip off anything their hands could find. If I'd ventured to look back, I would bet they were foaming at the mouth. I've never seen anything like it," Kerr said.

"Well, at least you got out of this without being violated," Breda said.

"At least physically," Kerr replied. "I think I'm going to need therapy after all of this."

"Did you get all of the women in there?"

"Not yet," Anblomi answered. "We still have to track down Olivier Armstrong. Word is that we might have to find a tranquilizer gun for her. She's pretty intent on giving Lieutenant Havoc a tongue bath."

"Damn, I would hate to be in his shoes," Breda said. "How about Rebecca? Any word on her?"

"Jacob, Falman, and Armstrong are at the range handling her," Kerr answered.

"Armstrong! I knew we were missing someone! Where was he?"

"Oddly enough he's been carrying on his work. None of the women tried to attack him."

Breda blinked then nodded. "They probably thought he was gay. You know, with the pink sparkles and all."

"That would make sense," Kerr replied.

"Anyway, I'm supposed to tell Maria that they are going to need a lot of vomit catching things. When given the water or juice the women get incredibly sick."

Kerr and Anblomi wrinkled their noses. "Glad we are out here then," Anblomi said.

"Where can I go in?" Breda questioned.

"The southern door," Kerr answered.

Breda nodded and made his way down the hall and around the corner. He kept walking until he saw two women guarding the doors.

"Is it safe to go in there?"

"Yes, you are fine. Things are quite… well, they aren't calm but don't worry. They won't be after you. That's for damn sure."

"Thanks," he said hesitantly, a bit nervous over the way the woman spoke.

He walked through the door and fought the desire to run out when the smell and the sound of women heaving into various types of garbage cans greeted him. He cringed and gazed around the room until his eyes landed on Maria. She was giving a very peaked looking woman a glass of juice. The woman looked at it as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world but then took the glass and began drinking the liquid. He walked over to the two of them and sighed.

"The juice and water makes the women throw up," he stated, even though it was obviously unneeded news.

Maria glared at him and growled. "Yes, I know that… now. Thank you for notifying me of that fact. Do you realize that headquarters has no contingency plan for dozens upon dozens of people throwing up!"

"They don't have a contingency plan for almost all of the women turning sex crazed either. Perhaps we should put forth one to the council after all of this is-" He was cut off by the woman sitting next to him when she heaved into the garbage can in front of her.

Maria handed Breda a glass of orange juice. "Take this to the range. They are going to need more liquid for Rebecca. I only sent them two glasses of water."

"Got it," he said, donning his wig once more as a precaution, and leaving the cafeteria. He made his way outside and hurried to the range. When he walked in he nearly dropped the juice upon seeing the scene before him.

Armstrong was holding a shrieking Rebecca, her kicking and struggling having no affect on the man holding her in the slightest. "Damn you! Let me go!"

"Look! All you have to do is drink this water and we will let you go!" Denny said.

"I don't want it! I don't! I don't! I don't!" she said in the same manner that a child would refuse to eat their vegetables.

"What if we use a straw?" Denny suggested. "She has clear intent on sucking something!"

Breda laughed and walked over to the men.

"That wasn't funny!" Jacob said. "This is serious!"

"I do want to suck something! Let me go and I'll show you what it is!" Rebecca said, staring at Jacob lustfully.

Jacob swallowed nervously and tugged at his collar. "How are we going to get this down her without her maiming someone or without knocking her out?"

Breda leaned in and whispered, "You could bribe her." Jacob looked at him oddly and he continued. "Mustang told Riza that he would play the dirty with her if she drank all of the water that he had. She fell for it completely and she feels better now. All the women are looking better."

"Yeah, Maria told all the women if they drank several glasses of water each that Kerr and Anblomi would strip for them. It's worth a try. I don't think I'll resort to bribery though."

Jacob thought about something for a moment before walking toward Rebecca, glass of water poised in his hand. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear.

Rebecca instantly stopped struggling and blinked at him, a look of absolute amazement gracing her features. Everyone looked stunned as she grabbed the glass of water and drank the entire thing without so much as an argument. Jacob took the other glass of water from Denny and gave it to Rebecca who then drank it without taking a breath.

They stared at the woman for a moment waiting for her to react in some way as Jacob took the glass from her and sat it down on the table. He took the juice from Breda and she drank it as well.

They stared at Rebecca and waiting for her to respond. Suddenly, she started to sway from side to side and turned pale before their eyes. Breda grabbed the garbage can and sat it in clear view of the dark haired woman.

"Let her go Armstrong. Mount Rebecca is about to blow."

Armstrong let go of her. She rushed to the garbage can and began heaving into it, the vomit making a splattering sound so loud that it caused all the men to cringe as it hit the metal can.

"What in the hell did you tell her to get her to drink it?" Denny questioned in a low voice so that Rebecca couldn't overhear him.

"Well, you know how we told her that the way she was acting was an effect of an aphrodisiac?" Jacob said.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Well, I merely stated that if she drank water then her orgasm would increase tenfold and I would be happy to let her…ride her way to it, so to speak."

"You know that she's going to injure you for lying to her like that right?"

"Oh? You really think so. I don't. I think she'll be grateful that I didn't let her do something she would regret," he said.

Denny looked at Jacob oddly. "You think she would regret that? Okay, maybe so with the drugs but do you think she'd regret it if she weren't affected? Do you think she'd turn you down?"

"I'm a lot older than her Denny."

"Eight years Jacob. You are only thirty-six years old. You are talking like you are a senior citizen," he said. "I suppose she would regret being on drugs and doing that but not as a whole. Rebecca likes you, you know. Why else would she target you the way she did?"

"Because I'm the closest thing to her that has a dick," Jacob offered.

"We all were here," Denny said, "yet her entire focus was on you. That's saying something."

"You are crazy," he said.

"Ah, when this is all over you will see," Denny replied.

"So that means that Olivier Armstrong is in love with Havoc then?" Jacob questioned with a laugh.

Armstrong coughed and they all turned their heads to him. He stared straight at them, wordlessly speaking with his eyes causing theirs to widen, their pupils dilating as the light hit them. There was no way that someone like Olivier would fall for Havoc. . . would she?

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**AN: Next chapter is called _Catching Olivier_. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review. **


	18. Catching Olivier

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 18: Catching Olivier **

**Disclaimer:**** Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Catching Olivier**

Breda and Jacob escorted Rebecca to the library where Roy and Fuery were staying with the now sleeping Riza and Scieszka. When they entered the room, Rebecca looked around for the nearest garbage can before running over and heaving the liquid in her stomach into it.

She lifted her head, looked down into the can, and grimaced. "Hey, there's already puke in h-" She cut off when she threw up again. She finally moved around and leaned her back on the desk beside her. "God I feel like I'm having constant PMS symptoms," she said. "What in the hell happened?" She turned her head to Jacob for an answer.

"It's a long story," he said. "I'll tell you when you feel much better and when I have better running shoes on."

Rebecca looked at him oddly. "I'm not going to like this am I?" she said, her voice filled with much dread.

"No, none of the women that were affected are," Jacob said.

"Affected… Okay, tell me later then because my brain is hurting."

"I'm curious about something. Why is she so coherent when Riza and Scieszka are sleeping?" Fuery questioned.

"How many cups of coffee have you had with creamer today Rebecca?" Roy asked.

"Just a half a cup with a spoonful of creamer," she answered. "I don't like coffee but after the talleywhacker in the gun barrel incident, a cup was in order. It was the strongest thing to alcohol that we had here at headquarters."

"Then she is probably more coherent because Riza and Scieszka had more coffee. They tend to drink a lot right?" Roy questioned.

"Yeah, that's true," Fuery said.

Rebecca, who was still extremely confused but for the moment pleasantly ignorant of the situation, stood up shakily and had to grab the desk beside her for support. Soon, she let go but when she tried to walk over to a chair, she nearly fell over; Jacob grabbed her arm to keep her from doing so. "Thank you Jake," she said, smiling weakly at him. He returned the smile and proceeded to guide her to the chair she was aiming for.

"So did they cure everyone?" Roy questioned, pulling Riza closer to him when he felt her shiver.

"Almost," Breda said. "I mean, it's safe to go out without a wig and feminine clothing now but . . ."

Roy looked at him and noticed that he was back into his normal uniform, the dress and wig being discarded somewhere. "Almost? But?" Roy questioned.

"We still need to catch Olivier," Breda said.

That statement caused Rebecca to start laughing loudly, causing everyone to turn to her inquiringly. "You have a better chance of catching a greased fish with one hand than catching her."

Breda and Jacob sighed. "We know. That's the problem."

"Well she wants Havoc right?" Roy questioned.

"Yeah," Jacob said.

"Why not lure her with Havoc?" Fuery offered.

"Well, luring her sure. However, you can lead a female psycho general to the water, but you can't make her drink it," Breda said.

"Can you resort to bribery?" Roy questioned.

"Well apparently Havoc will have to tell us about that. Out of all of us, he probably knows the most. From what I hear, they are actually very civil to each other," Jacob said, not revealing what Havoc told him about being in love with the older general.

"There's Armstrong too, he is her brother. Couldn't he weasel her into doing it?" Fuery said.

Roy laughed. "I would have a better chance of talking her into it, and that is saying something considering she hates my guts for the most part."

"But he's her brother," Fuery said.

"And you think that matters to Olivier?" he questioned.

The room grew silent for a few moments.

"Hell no," Jacob remarked.

"Fat chance," Breda said.

"Only when hell froze over," Rebecca stated.

"Sorry I asked such a stupid question. I wasn't thinking," Fuery commented.

"So, Sir, Could you possibly think of anything to help us?" Breda questioned.

"You are going to have to ask her brother how to catch her. I have no idea whatsoever," Roy replied.

--

Havoc, Maria, Armstrong, Denny, and Falman all sat in the mess hall. Most of the women that had the drug in them had fallen asleep and the ones that didn't were sitting against walls, chairs, and any other items that kept them upright.

"So we have them all except Olivier right?" Falman said.

"That's right. Now comes the trouble of catching her," Maria replied. "She's not going to be easy."

"Armstrong, can't you reason with her?" Denny questioned, turning toward the sparkling male.

"Have you forgotten the way my sister is? Negotiating with her is not a skill I possess," he said.

"But you are her brother, don't you guys have some sort of… familial bond?" Denny asked, uncertain of how a brother and sister couldn't be close.

"Familial bond? I don't think she even knows what the word Familial means. As for controlling her, I can't help you there either. Sober or not, she's not easy to talk to."

Havoc thought Armstrong was rather off. Sure, not so long ago he was terrified of her, but after slowly talking to her more and more he figured out that one just needed to crack the shell slightly. He couldn't figure out exactly why Olivier was so closed in on herself but knew that underneath the ice queen was a warm woman: a woman who would hate him for what came to his head.

"I have an idea," Havoc said. "It's risky to all of our limbs but I have a feeling it's the only way we are going to get her controlled."

"Anything that we can do to stop her is alright with me. My sister would be mortified if she … decided to go for any guy," Armstrong said. He knew about his sister's affection of Havoc even before the drug affected her. She'd let it slip a few months ago when she was visiting home, one of the few mistakes via slip of the tongue that she ever made. Lucky for her, he was the only one around and swore that he wouldn't tell another living being.

"What is your idea?" Maria questioned.

"Get some thick strong rope. We are going to tie her up," Havoc said.

"Okay, getting the rope is no problem but how are we going to actually get her tied up?" Denny asked.

"Leave that to me," Havoc said and turned to Armstrong. "I'm sorry about any shame this may bring the Armstrong line."

"It couldn't be worse than her being sexed crazed," Armstrong said.

"Alright then, get the rope, give it to Armstrong, me, and Denny and then in five minutes go looking for her and tell her I'm in the infirmary on the third floor," Havoc said, "examination room B."

--

Havoc sat on the examination table, contemplating his plan and going over every single detail in his head. This was going to be a very low thing for him to do and it would likely make Olivier hate him for the rest of her life. However, he admitted to himself that he would do anything for the woman including risk of loss of body parts and even more traumatic, losing her friendship. He knew there was never a potential for more and he wouldn't nurse that illusion. He was too much of an utter loser to have a woman like her.

He looked over at the other side of the room at the curtain that surrounded the other table. Behind that curtain was Armstrong and Denny with ropes and ready to come out on his call. If his plan worked, she would effectively be incapacitated enough so that they could tie her up without struggle. Sure, they could have jumped her and tied her up but Olivier had this uncanny ability to summon incredible strength and it was likely that she would be able to kick their asses into the next decade.

He tensed up when he heard footsteps and jumped off the table. He took off his coat and sat it down on a chair right before the door opened and Olivier walked into the room, slamming the door behind her. She let her gaze trail up and down his body very slowly; examining him like a car lover would an antique car. The glint in her eyes displayed a look of lust that would have excited and turned him on had she not been off her rocker thanks to the aphrodisiac. Havoc had to admit that she looked beautiful standing there before him with her jacket off, her sword out, and her hair in a state of disarray.

He swallowed nervously when she threw down her sword and licked her lips as if he was the only sustenance she'd seen in a very long time. She then stomped over to him and grabbed his collar. She pulled him to her and kissed him roughly, her tongue slipping into his mouth. He returned the kiss for a moment, closing his eyes and enjoying it briefly. After all, it would be the only time it would ever happen. He pulled away and whispered, "I'm sorry". He suddenly grabbed his gun and hit her on the head roughly with its butt, causing her to fall forward, unconscious. "Now guys!" He caught her as Armstrong and Denny came out from behind the curtain. They began tying her up.

"Did you get her?" Maria and Falman said, rushing into the room.

"Yeah, she's unconscious," Havoc said, his voice shaking roughly. He had a slight tinge of fear that he might have hurt her.

Armstrong looked at him and offered a smile. "My sister has had much worse than this Lieutenant Havoc. She'll be grateful you did this in the long run."

"Her guard must have been down an awful lot for you to be able to get that hit in," Denny said as he and Armstrong tied her hands.

Havoc paled and leaned back against the table, looking as sick as the women recovering from the drugs. "Shit! What if it hadn't been down?"

"Then you would currently be on your back, on that table and Armstrong and I would have to hear things that would traumatize us for life."

"Now, how are we going to get her to drink the water when she wakes up," Maria questioned.

They all stared at each other and sighed.

"Just when we think we have one problem beaten, we have another one," Denny said.

"Well, there's always this haze when someone wakes up from being knocked out right?" Falman questioned.

"Yes, usually," Maria replied.

"And in this haze we usually don't know what we are doing right?"

"Where are you going with this Falman," Havoc questioned.

"Well when she's awaking just tell her to drink it and it will make things better," he said. "Standard line and it almost always works."

"You are forgetting that we aren't dealing with the standard person," Denny replied.

"It's worth a try that's for sure," Maria said.

Havoc turned his gaze to Maria. "You might need to be the one to do it. I think the last thing she'll want to see will be a man and especially not me."

"All right then, if you really think so. Let's her some juice instead of water. There still should be some in the mess hall."

"We'll go get it. Let's go Havoc," Denny said, leading his friend out.

Maria turned to Armstrong who was lifting his sister into his arms. "Do you think she'll be incredibly angry with Havoc?"

"As I said, she'll be grateful in the long run," he said.

Maria smiled softly. "Let's get her to bed then."

Armstrong put his sister on the infirmary bed before leaving the room, wishing Maria good luck. Denny returned with two glasses of juice and pulled a garbage can over to sit near Maria. "Here," he said, handing it to her. He sat the other glass on a table.

"Havoc chose to stay downstairs. What he had to do to Olivier really affected him."

"I'm surprised that he could fall for her," Maria said. "It's so obvious."

"You were surprised when Riza revealed she was in love with Mustang," he said.

"Yeah, but that was before I really knew what a great couple they would make," she replied.

"Ah," he said. "Then maybe Havoc and Olivier will be the same. We never know."

"I suppose you are right," she said. Denny turned around and started to walk away when she stopped him with her question. "Can I ask you something?"

He turned toward her and nodded. "Sure," he said.

"Would you have knocked me out?"

"Huh?" he said, the question catching him off guard.

"If I'd been after you like Olivier was after Havoc, would you have knocked me out?"

Denny looked at her a moment before grinning. "Do you think I would have been the one you'd gone after?" he questioned with a laugh.

A dark blush appeared on her cheeks. "Never mind! Forget I asked," she said. "You should hurry and leave, Olivier could wake up any time. Try to get a pitcher of water for her."

Denny laughed and walked to the door. "I don't know if I would have had the restraint to fight you off Maria so no, I don't think I could have knocked you out." Maria turned toward the door in shock only to find that Denny was no longer there. She smiled lightly and leaned back in her chair.

"Yes, of course you would have been the one," she said, softly.

She turned to look at Olivier when she heard a groan. She took a deep breath and sat beside the higher officer on the bed. She moved Olivier to sit up as the woman opened her eyes.

"Goddamn it, what happened?" she questioned.

"You hit your head. Here drink this. It will make you feel better," Maria said, praying inwardly to whatever god was listening that she'd fall for it. Luckily, she did. She took several large drinks of the juice until the glass was empty.

Maria waited a moment for the woman to catch her breath before giving her the other glass. Olivier got halfway through it before she started coughing. Maria leaned her over the bed so that she could throw up in the garbage can.

"I hope this is the end of all this." Maria said while rubbing Olivier's back.

She looked up when there was a knock on the door. She looked toward it to see Denny entering holding another glass of juice. "Oh, she's awake."

"What happen to me?" Olivier croaked again.

"Ma'am, please wait until you are better before you question that," Maria said then turned her gaze to Denny. "Go tell Mustang we've got Olivier and now have everyone cured."

"Right," he said, sitting down the pitcher of water and leaving.

"Why does that bastard need to know about my condition?" she growled, making her dislike for Mustang known. "And why am I tied up?"

Maria sighed and turned toward the commanding officer. "If you insist, I will tell you what happened."

"I insist. You are to tell me." She paused then swayed a bit, "Right after I finish my conversation with the garbage can," she groaned, then leaned over to throw up once more.

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**AN: Two more chapters to go! Therefore, the questions remain. How will all the women react to what they've done? Will Jacob and Havoc get the women they love? Will Riza hold a grudge against Roy for giving in to temptation. Next chapters you will find out. Hope you enjoyed this one and please drop a review. **


	19. Emotional Misunderstandings

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 19: Emotional Misunderstandings **

**Disclaimer: ****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Emotional Misunderstandings**

Roy made sure everything at headquarters was taken care of before he escorted a now awake Riza to the car. Even though he had a firm hold on her, she could barely stand due to dizziness. She'd even stopped a few times and Roy thought sure she was going to throw up. Fortunately, she made it to the passenger side of the vehicle without regurgitating or retching. He started the car, pulled out of the parking lot, and started toward his house.

He stopped at a traffic light and turned his gaze to look at her. She was still pallid and had small tears leaking out of the corner of her closed eyes. Her lips were red and swollen and her eyebrows were furrowed, indicating that all was not well with her. She was leaning against the window, the glass rolled down halfway so that she could get some fresh air.

She opened her eyes slowly, glanced at the street sign, and then closed her eyes once more.

"I want to go home," she said quietly, her voice trembling and hoarse due to all of the vomiting. He looked at her and nodded before making a turn and heading toward her house.

"Are you sure?" he question.

"I just want to be alone Roy," she stated, her tone clearly displaying her sickness. "Please, just take me home."

"I will," he replied. "You know that. I'm just worried about you."

"Yeah," she said, and then yawned.

"We're here," he said.

Riza nodded and opened her door. She sat her feet on the ground and swayed a bit at the sudden movement. Roy got out of the car and walked over to her. He helped her up from her seating position and shut the door. He pulled the coat tighter around her and buttoned it. They slowly walked into the apartment building and over to the elevator. On the door there was a sign saying it was out of order.

"Is there another elevator in the building?" he questioned.

Riza shook her head.

Roy picked her up, causing her to gasp. He smiled trying not to let the pain in his back show. He made a note to have it checked even though he was sure that it was pure soreness and nothing too serious.

"You… you can't carry me up three flights of stairs," she said.

"Watch me," he said and began ascending the stairs.

"You are going to hurt yourself," she said, "put me down."

"No," he said, as he made it up one flight."

"I mean it! Put me down," she snapped in a tone that told him that he'd better do as she said or pay the price.

He sighed and put her down. She swayed a bit and he started to pick her back up when she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Go home and get some rest. I can make it the rest of the way on my own."

"Forget it," he said. "I'm not going home until I see that you are in your apartment and safe."

She stared into his eyes and, after a short moment, she sighed and relented. She knew from that determined gaze that protesting would have no effect on him whatsoever.

Roy wrapped an arm around her waist and felt her tense up slightly. He pushed that feeling to the back of his mind and focused on getting her up to her place.

They slowly made their way up the rest of the flights and down the hall to her apartment. He handed her purse to her and she removed her keys. She unlocked her apartment and opened the door, Hayate greeting her enthusiastically. She smiled and petted her dog.

"You hungry?" she asked the dog. She took a step inside and almost fell again as her world started spinning. Roy wrapped an arm around her shoulder and led her inside, closing the door behind them. He then picked her up, carried her into her bedroom, and laid her on the bed. He pulled the blankets around her and kissed her forehead.

"Where's Hayate's food? I'll feed him and get you some more water."

"I can do it," she said, sitting up. He placed his hands on her shoulders and pressed her to rest back against her pillows.

"Rest," he said.

"But…"

"Rest," he repeated and left the room. He walked into the kitchen, the dog following him. He got Hayate's food, put it in the dog bowl, and then got him some water. He knelt and petted Hayate when he wouldn't eat. "Boy, you need to keep a good eye on her. Even more than you usually do."

Hayate tilted his head to the right as if he was listening to every word Roy spoke. Roy stared at the dog and scratched him behind the ears before standing straight and going to get Riza a glass of water. He took it into the bedroom and sat it on the table beside the bed. He heard her groan and looked at the bed to see her laying on her stomach, her face buried into the pillow.

He sat on the bed and started to place a hand on her shoulder when she cut him off. "Don't touch me," she said.

He jerked his hand away as if he'd been electric shocked. He looked at her worriedly for a moment and started to speak when she cut him off.

"I can't believe we did that," she groaned, her voice full of extreme regret.

"So you are," he hesitated, "remembering now."

She screamed into her pillow, an uncommon sound coming from her. He never thought he'd ever see her that upset.

"Riza…"

"Please just leave," she said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

Roy looked stricken, like his heart had shattered into a million pieces. However, he did as she asked and left the room then her apartment, locking the door behind him. Instead of driving to his place, he drove to the office. He had to prepare something to say to the council when they eventually called him to speak before them.

He sat down at his desk and took out a piece of paper and a black pen. He leaned back, thought a moment, and began to write out a formal speech. He tried to focus on the proper vocabulary to use and the proper form in which the speech should be written. He slowly and neatly printed his name and the date on the paper followed by the headquarters number and commanding officers in charge. He moved several lines down and rested his pen on the paper. He thought and thought and thought about how to start it then… threw his pen across the room and cursed loudly. He couldn't write anything. The only thing on his mind was Riza.

It was obvious that she now hated him for being so weak willed: for taking her on that desk in the office. As soon as she remembered what happened she didn't even want him touching her. The way she spoke in such pain sent a stab through his heart. He should have restrained himself. He should've known that she was under some sort of drug. He was a horrible boyfriend for not recognizing her condition.

He rested his elbows on his desk, leaned over, and rested his head in his hands. He didn't want to lose her but the decision rested solely upon Riza. If she didn't want to be with him ever again then that was her decision and he wouldn't force their relationship. He didn't want her to be unhappy under any circumstances.

He picked up another pen and put it to paper. He smiled sadly and began writing out his speech to the council, Riza still lingering in his head and heart.

--

"Jacob, I don't need help home. Go away!" Rebecca snapped as she slowly made her way down the street.

"I can't do that," he said. "You are walking like a woman that's had too much to drink, and I was ordered to escort you home."

Rebecca turned to him and narrowed her eyes. "I don't need help. Just lie and say you helped me and be done with it!"

"That's not possible. You know I don't lie," he said.

"Oh, please that's utter bull and you know it. Now leave me alone."

"No, because if I leave you alone you will fall on your face."

"I'll be fine, just go—" She took a step, hit a patch of gravels, and started to fall, cutting off her words. She closed her eyes and prepared to make contact with the ground: the contact never came. She opened her eyes to see that Jacob had grabbed her around the waist, keeping her from kissing pavement. He moved her so that she was standing straight and she rested her hands on his shoulders.

"Thanks," Rebecca said, offering him a small smile.

Jacob smirked at her. "Told you that you needed escorted," he teased.

She frowned. "I… Couldn't they find someone else to take me home?" she said, pulling away from him and looking down at the ground.

Jacob's heart dropped upon hearing Rebecca's words and at how she couldn't look at him. Did she really dislike him that much? Was the thought of actually wanting to kiss him or something more really that horrible.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Look, I'll take you home and then I'll make sure that whenever you go into the range I won't be there. I'll even transfer if you want me to."

Rebecca looked up at him, her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. She gazed at the man in front of her, wondering why he would say such a thing. She was the one that made an idiot out of herself. He didn't have a reason to transfer. He didn't embarrass himself.

"I don't want you to transfer. If anyone should keep their distance, it's me. Not only did I make myself look like an idiot but I embarrassed you."

Jacob smiled. "You didn't look like an idiot." She looked at him skeptically, her eyebrow rose upon hearing his words. "You acted like a sexed crazed wannabe hooker," he said.

"Oh god…" she groaned.

"But it was the drugs. I can tell you are remembering more and more about what happened as we walked. Your facial expressions tend to change when you are thinking of things."

"Yeah, I suppose they do," she said. "Riza's told me that before as well."

Jacob walked nearer to her and moved a strand of hair away from her face, putting it behind her ear. "I wish…"

"You wish what?" she questioned when he didn't finish. Her heart was beating like crazy from the simple gesture he made so near her face.

Jacob sighed and shook his head. "It's nothing," he said, "let's get you home."

Rebecca frowned but yielded. "Okay."

He walked her to her apartment building and then up to her place, which was, luckily, on the second floor. She unlocked her apartment door and walked inside.

"Take care of yourself. If you need anything just call me," he said and turned to leave.

"Jake," she said, causing him to turn around.

"Yeah?"

"I do need something," she said.

Jacob walked closer. "Sure, what I can I do for you?"

"Tell me what you were going to say," she said.

"Huh?"

"You said earlier that you wished for something but never finished. What is it that you wish for?"

He stared at her and spoke the truth before he could stop himself; it was about time he got his feelings out anyway. "I wish it didn't take a drug to have you want me," he spoke in a low tone before turning away and making his way down the hall, leaving a stunned Rebecca standing at the door, gazing in the direction he left.

Rebecca willed herself to move, to go after him, but she couldn't. Jacob wanted her? He wasn't mortified that she tried all those things? She was completely stunned at the revelation. She closed her door and locked it before moving down to the floor to sit against it. She'd always found the gesture so cliché when she saw it in films but now she realized how easily it could happen.

For the years she knew him, she'd been pushing back feelings for him. Telling herself that he was a mature guy who didn't want a woman that always ranted, raved, and was so pushy. She always put up a front that she had to have a wealthy man when in reality she just wanted someone that had the capacity to love her. She didn't think Jacob saw through all that talk she gave. She never thought that he could see past that and actually develop feelings for her.

Riza told her several times to look at Jacob as more but she'd always brushed if off, trying to convince Riza she wanted money only. Of course, as usual, Riza saw through her mask. She'd always been envious of Riza's love for Mustang and the clear affection the man showed for her. It was as if she was witnessing something so special and miraculous. Something she wanted so badly. Now, if she got her shit together, she could have it.

She smiled and slowly got to her feet. She would recover for a day then get her ass to the range. No matter who was there, she would tell Jacob how she really felt and it would be without the influence of a drug.

--

Havoc jumped slightly when he heard his name called by a familiar voice. He turned to see Olivier Armstrong stalking toward him as if the day's events never happened. Her chin was raised as if the drug had never affected her and no embarrassment occurred on her part whatsoever. The only difference in her that he could detect was a slight waver as she walked, indicating that she was most likely dizzy but wasn't letting on. He'd been studying her since they'd become "friends" and he'd grown to know little things about her that he knew she wouldn't be pleased that he knew.

He stopped and turned around, waiting for her to catch up, her long legs keeping perfect pace as she approached him. She stopped in front of him and stared into his eyes, which met evenly with his since they were the same height. He almost got lost in her blue depths, vaguely thinking what a loss she was to the world of modeling. Fashion magazines would kill to have a woman as beautiful as Olivier Armstrong gracing their covers.

"Yes Ma'am?" he questioned.

"I did not…do anything to you did I?" she said, her voice sounding slightly off. She still spoke with her strong, confident tone but there was an underlying concern in her words. Her facial features were neutral but he could read everything in her eyes. She was worried. She had full right to be. Her status would be ruined if she'd done anything with a lowly lieutenant after all.

"No, Ma'am, you did nothing," he said, with a bit of bitterness lacing his tone.

"Good," she said, a sense of relief washing over her. At the same time, a pang went through Havoc, his suspicions about not being good enough for her confirmed by one four letter word.

"Excuse me Ma'am. I was ordered by General Mustang to go home and get some rest." He saluted her and turned on his heel.

"I'll see you at the bar on Friday then?" she questioned, her posture not changing in the slightest but her tone taking on a slightly hopeful lilt that Havoc thought he was merely imagining.

"I don't think that's a good idea Ma'am. I don't think I'll be going there anymore," he said, and walked away, his heart aching as he did so. It was for the best after all. He had to spare himself any heartbreak he would attain from longing for a relationship with the woman. He was under no illusion that he was in love with Olivier and he wouldn't delude himself into thinking she could love him.

--

Olivier watched him as he walked away from her. With each step he made, a peculiar, unfamiliar feeling washed over her body. She felt a strange pain in her, as if she was losing her entire world the further he walked away from her. The way he called her ma'am, the way he spoke in such a dull tone, nothing like the laid-back man that she talked to in the bar. He was slightly chilled and rather distant from her. If anyone knew about being cold and distant, it was she. She'd coined the term ice queen and was the poster child for emotional repression. She always thought it was better to repress feelings, that way one was stronger. Lieutenant Jean Havoc showed her it was okay to laugh at anything, that everything wasn't so cut and dry as she thought.

She turned and made her way to her parent's home, making a mental note that she really needed to find an apartment there in Central. She walked through the door to the house and up to her room without running into anyone. She just needed time along to gather her thoughts and try to figure out all the weird and foreign emotions that were drowning her as if she was caught up in a flash flood.

She removed her sword from its place on her belt and threw it down onto a chair before removing her jacket and flopping backward on her bed, letting the tenseness in her body fade slowly out of her. She closed her eyes but then opened them as the room started spinning. She sat up quickly and rushed into her bathroom, throwing up into the toilet. After clearing her stomach, she leaned against the bathroom sink, leaning her head back and closing her eyes for a moment in an attempt to stop the room from looking like it was spinning. Finally, after five minutes she opened her eyes and slowly got to her feet. She grabbed a washcloth, soaked it with water, and washed her face, the cool liquid bringing relief to her slightly flushed skin.

She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned slightly. The redness of her cheeks made her look like a virgin on her wedding night. She threw the washcloth in the hamper when she heard a knock on her door. She walked back into her bedroom and answered it, her brother standing there with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"Wanted to see how you were feeling," he said.

"How'd you know I was home?"

"I figured that's where you would be after your little encounter with Lieutenant Havoc," he said, his voice taking on a serious tone as he entered her room without permission.

She growled and shut the door behind her, a bit rougher than necessary. Contrary to popular belief, she respected her younger brother far more than she let on to anyone, even him. He was just as odd as the rest of her family but at least she could talk to him without her blood pressure rising too high. She suddenly realized what he said about the encounter and growled again. "What in the hell do you mean my little encounter. Were you eavesdropping?"

"What? You didn't sense me? You are getting old," Armstrong said, removing her sword from the chair and taking a seat. The only time he'd ever talk to her like this was when they was alone and would never confess to anyone that they were closer than they let on.

"I'm not old," she grumbled and sat down on her bed roughly. "The drug got to me. That's all it was."

"You know he's in love with you right?" Armstrong said, getting straight to the point.

"Don't be so stupid," she said and laid herself down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"And you are in love with him," Armstrong replied.

She sat up quickly, her hair flying behind her and her eyes glaring so strongly at her brother that it could likely melt him if he were made of a meltable substance. "Are you out of your fucking mind? I am not in love. I don't even have that capability."

"You are lying to yourself," he said. "You do have that capability and you are in love. Otherwise, instead of talking to him and asking what you did you would have skinned him alive to save yourself embarrassment. You were concerned about him."

"I wasn't. I was only concerned about my rank. I can't be seen fraternizing with a Lieutenant after all."

"The frat law was abolished, remember?" he questioned.

"Still, he's a lot younger than me."

"No, he's not," Armstrong argued, feeling no need to express the age difference in numerical terms.

Olivier looked into her brothers eyes, a wordless conversation being expressed through their eyes.

"I… goddamn it. I'm not supposed to fall in love," she said, admitting what she was fighting against. She clinched the blanket on her bed, twisted it in her grip.

"The question now becomes, what are you going to do about it? Havoc thinks he's not good enough."

"Then," she smirked at her brother, "I'll have to prove him wrong."

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**AN: There's a reason you didn't hear from Riza's point of view in this chapter. Also, you may have two more chapters instead of the one I had planned. Depends on how long it takes me to wrap things up. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please drop a review. They make me happy. **


	20. Coming to a Resolution Part 1

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 20: Coming to a Resolution: Part 1  
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**Disclaimer:****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

**AN:This isn't the final chapter after all. More details in the ending author's note. Also, this site keeps doing weird things to my documents. For example, putting in html codes and other random things. If you see any of that in this chapter let me know.  
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**Coming to a Resolution: Part I**

Roy stared out of the window with a frown on his face as he watched the soldiers file into headquarters. Some of the women were still on leave due to illness and extreme embarrassment due to their actions because of the drug. Those women that actually partook in sexual acts were allotted three weeks leave to cope. The others women were granted two weeks. Counselors were also made available to the women that felt they needed them.

The council had been very understanding and very thankful that Roy found a cure for the women. He and his team were praised for their quick actions and control of the situation. Roy wasn't about to reveal that he was an emotional wreck the entire time and that Riza Hawkeye had been affected. It would have been too embarrassing for her.

Anblomi and Kerr got off much better than they'd been expecting, mainly thanks to him putting in a few good things in his report. They were suspended for two months without pay and stalled in rank, meaning they couldn't gain any higher ranks than they were now. Roy never saw two men more thankful for a punishment like that. They could have gotten so much worse. They could have been discharged from the military for life or even put in prison.

Roy turned around, walked over to his desk, and sat down in his chair. He took out a form and filled it out, then started on another, then another, tensing up more and more with each paper he signed. It wasn't because of the monotony or the fact that he really despised the useless work; it was because Riza Hawkeye hadn't yet come back to work. In fact, he hadn't talked with her in the past three days. Every time he called her home, he would get the answering machine.

Havoc walked in the room causing Roy to break from his thoughts and stop working. He looked up at the blond haired lieutenant and waited for him to say something. He didn't know why he waited when he already knew exactly what he would speak.

"Hawkeye called in again."

"Yes, I suspected she would."

"Chief, she put in for a month's leave," he said.

Roy grinned sadly. "It will be granted. She's owed it after never taking a leave since she started working. Hell, she's never even taken a sick day."

"Yeah, that's Hawkeye for you," Havoc spoke halfheartedly. His voice was also serious and his looks displayed a concern for Roy. Roy had admitted to Havoc what had happened between Riza and he in the office, while she was drugged, and he knew Roy was blaming himself. He didn't think Roy was at fault in the slightest. Riza was his girlfriend at the time after all. Almost any man would have taken such an offer from their significant other. It would have been different if Roy and Riza were like Olivier and him. With them, there was no relationship, no love on one side, and no chance for even a potential relationship.

He shook his head to clear it before focusing back on Roy. He promised himself that he wouldn't think about her anymore. That he wouldn't dwell on something that would never be. When last he heard she left two days ago for an exercise at Briggs, issuing in the new General that would take over there. He cursed yet again upon realizing that he was, once again, thinking about her. Really, what was it about her that had him so smitten? Was he that much of a glutton for punishment?

"Do you need the day off too?" Roy questioned, getting Havoc's attention.

"Huh? Oh, No! I'm fine, Sir."

"Go home Havoc," Roy said. "You've been moping around for the past few days. I don't want to see you back here until you make a move on Olivier Armstrong."

"Are you crazy? If I did do that then I would probably be returning here minus some limbs."

"I doubt that. Go home and think on it," Roy said. "That's an order."

"But-"

"Now and don't argue with me," Roy replied before he could continue.

Havoc stared at him for a moment before sighing and nodding. He really wasn't functioning at his full capacity. He was at his worst when he was lovesick.

"Okay, I'll go home, but you really need to talk to Hawkeye. From what I hear, they've been many misunderstandings going on around here. I'm sure that's the case with you two and why she won't speak to you."

"Go home Havoc," Roy said yet again. He was really growing tired of repeating himself.

Havoc nodded again and left the office, leaving Roy behind. As soon as Havoc walked out, the office phone rang. Roy waited for someone to pick up but when no one answered it, he stood, walked over to it, and answered it himself. He laughed when he heard a familiar disguised voice ask for Havoc.

"He went home," Roy said. "He's really torn up over some woman. You know, about the drug thing and all." Roy tried not to laugh as he spoke.

"Very well then, I'll see him… later," the voice said and hung up.

Roy laughed and sat the receiver back on its base. "Olivier really needs to work on her voice disguises, she's not very good," he said to himself and walked back over to his desk. "Love really does make the coldest people do the stupidest things."

He sat down at his desk and picked up the phone, his private line. He dialed Riza's number, waited, and of course, the machine picked up. Sometimes he really hated technology.

"Riza, I know you are there. Please, just call me. We need to talk. I won't come and see you unless you say it is all right. I love you. Bye." Roy hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair. He gazed over at her desk longing to see her face. Three days was far too long to be away from her.

--

Olivier hung up the phone, cursed and stormed out of the house. She had to wait two days before she could act on her feelings for Havoc. The Briggs transference went smoothly and now she was back and refused to wait any longer. The more she put it off the more unlikely she would go through with confessing. She had everything planned when she set foot in Central again, only to have them altered when Mustang, instead of Havoc, answered the phone. Havoc was usually the one that took care of the office phone.

She'd planned on calling him and getting him to meet her somewhere. Then going through with what her mind had been developing. After finding out he went home, her plans had to change. Perhaps it was for the better. After all, it would be better if she told him in private, saving them both potential embarrassments.

As she made her way down the street, she ignored her surroundings and focused on her destination. She ignored the people staring at her as she walked down the sidewalk, and the way they quickly moved out of her way when they saw her coming toward them. She had a domineering presence that demanded to be respected, even to those that didn't know what her personality was like.

Usually, people stared at her because she was a tall blond woman wearing a military uniform and carrying a sword. Now, people stared at her for a different reason, though she didn't really acknowledge it. She knew well enough that she was attractive, but for people to gaze at her for that reason, to her, was ridiculous. She was wearing civvies, a rare occurrence in and of itself. She rarely shopped and her current clothing was one of three outfits that she owned other than military uniforms.

The tan sweater she wore curved to her body, displaying just enough of her shape to be teasing but covering it enough to suit her dignity. She wore long loose black pants that barely trailed the ground thanks to her slightly heeled boots. Her hair was, as usual, loose and brushed just enough to look presentable. She didn't wear any makeup and she had a simple pair of silver stud earrings in her ears.

She turned the corner and grinned as Havoc's apartment building came into view. She wouldn't admit it aloud to anyone, but she was very nervous at the prospect of opening herself to someone. For years, she was the ice queen, the one that everyone feared. For a time, even Havoc feared her until he broke through a wall that she didn't even know he'd cracked. Now she'd be letting him stay where he was, if he wanted to. She'd be acknowledging that he made his way in and she didn't want to let him out.

She walked up to the apartment building, entered it, and made her way up to the proper apartment. She stood in front of the door and stared at it a bit, cursing her cowardly feelings. She muttered some profanities under her breath again when what seemed like millions of questions dominated her thoughts, trying to get her to rethink the course of action she decided to take. The ice queen side of her tried to make up excuses as to why she should walk away and forget her plan. She effectively pushed them to the back of her mind.

She finally knocked on the door and waited. Her heartbeat increased, which was an odd feeling for her, as the door opened and Havoc appeared. Her mouth went dry when she saw that he was still in his military pants but his military jacket was discarded and the dark brown shirt clung to him like a second skin. She felt a foreign feeling engulfing her body upon seeing him. She realized that this wasn't like anything that she'd felt with other men she'd had relations with. Anything that happened with the man standing before her would be for not only bodily satisfaction, but also satisfaction of the soul. If a person had told her a year ago that she'd be feeling the way she was, she would have called them psycho and probably injured them in some way, or at least threatened injury. Now, she wasn't sure she would be able to live without the feeling.

"Ma'am, what are you doing here?" Havoc questioned, his tone indicating the surprised feelings he was encountering the more he stared at her. He thought she was beautiful and she was the most welcomed sight that ever came to his door.

"The drugs…" she said, trying to think of how to word what she was going to speak. Damn it, she'd had it all planned out. Now she was muttering like an idiot. Olivier always went after everything she wanted. Why was it so damned difficult this time?

"What about them?"

"It wasn't just the drugs," she said, then grabbed his collar, pulled him to her, and covered his lips with hers. She was always more about actions than words, so she would let them speak for her.

Havoc dropped the beer he was holding out of extreme shock but soon closed his eyes, relaxed and kissed her back. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, working his lips, teeth, and tongue against hers roughly.

When they pulled away for air, Havoc didn't know what to say. He wanted her of course and his heart was overjoyed that she wanted him; however, where did that really leave them? She was a General. Would she be comfortable dating a Lieutenant?

"Not just the drugs?" he asked, the phrase being the only thing he could think of as the beer he dropped ran out onto the floor, soaking his bare feet.

"Drugs don't alter feelings, just hormones."

Havoc grinned. "Think you can handle being with a lowly Lieutenant?"

Olivier grinned mischievously and pushed him into his apartment. He hit against the wall as she pushed her body against his. "Think you can handle an ice queen?" she growled, biting the skin of his neck roughly.

Havoc kicked the door closed with his feet and pushed her back against another wall, knocking the picture hanging there, down to the floor, the glass shattering. "Damn right I can," he growled and kissed her roughly.

--

Roy stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way down to the office where he knew Maria Ross was working. He walked in and spotted her eating lunch at her desk. Clearly, she had decided to brown bag it and was drinking a can of soda.

"Not going to the mess hall?" Roy questioned, unable to keep a chuckle out of his tone.

Maria looked up at him and laughed as he walked over to take a seat across from her. "If you saw dozens upon dozens of women puking into garbage cans in there, you wouldn't either, Sir," she replied, then took a drink of her soda.

"I need to ask you for a favor," Roy said, his voice growing serious.

Maria nodded and sat down her sandwich. "What is it?"

"Would you pick up something I ordered for Riza and go check on her? It's clear she doesn't want to see me right now, not that I can blame her. I just want to know that she's all right," he said. "She won't answer any of my calls."

Maria nodded. "Of course I'll go sir. She should be feeling better by now though. I'm surprised she hasn't come into work yet. Riza's not really the type to be embarrassed too easily."

Roy sighed. "She took a month's leave."

Maria's eyes widened upon hearing that. "But…Riza doesn't take leaves!"

"She did this time," he said.

Maria looked concerned, for both Riza and Roy. Roy clearly was blaming himself for what happened to Riza. She sighed inwardly. The two of them were perfect for each other; both always blamed themselves when the other met with misfortune, whether it was actually their fault or not. She knew that Riza was probably going through her angst mode as well and would need a good talking to. It was incredible how dramatic she could be when it concerned anything relating to Roy Mustang. She finished the rest of her sandwich and wadded up the paper bag, tossing it in the trash. She grabbed her soda and downed the rest of it before tossing it in the wastebasket as well.

"What do you need me to pick up?"

"I ordered her something from Jillian's Café. It's been put on my tab there. I'll call ahead and let them know you are picking it up."

"Got it," Maria said. She and Roy walked out of the office and Roy turned to walk down the hall. "Sir?"

Roy turned around and looked at her. Maria offered him a kind smile. "I'm sure she isn't angry with you. She's probably just embarrassed. I'll talk with her to find out."

"Thanks Ross," he said, turned, and walked away from her.

She smiled and made her way, first to the café, then to Riza's apartment. She had to knock on the door several times before she heard muttering and footsteps heading toward it. She heard the lock click and the door opened slightly, Riza peering out as if she had something to fear. Riza sighed then opened the door further, allowing Maria to enter her small apartment.

Riza shut the door and locked it before turning to Maria, stunning the dark haired woman with her sickly appearance. If the women affected were to elect a queen of who was the sallowest, Riza would have no competition. Then again, she hadn't seen all of the women in their current states.

All of Riza's skin that was visible was ghostly pale except for a light flush of fever on her cheeks and the dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were swollen and there was a light sheen of sweat on her forehead. Even standing still, she was swaying slightly. It was then that Maria noticed Hayate, standing faithfully beside his master, letting her rest her hand on his head between his pointed ears.

"Are you alright," Maria said then realized how stupid it was to ask such a question. As expected, Riza looked at her as if she was an idiot. "Forget I asked," she said, and then held up the bag she was holding. "Mustang asked me to bring you this and to check on you."

Riza took the bag and carefully made her way into the kitchen, Maria following close behind. Riza took out the Styrofoam container and sat it on the counter.

"You can't speak?" Maria asked.

"I can, it just hurts," Riza replied, her voice clearly affected by all of the regurgitating.

"Mustang said he's called you but you never pick up," she said, as she sat down at the table. Riza turned to her.

"Tea?" Riza asked, while taking out a pot and some teabags.

Maria stood and walked over to where Riza was standing. "I'll make some for you. Sit down and rest. You look like shit."

"Thanks," Riza said, her sarcastic lilt still recognizable despite her gravelly tone of voice.

Maria laughed and fixed two cups of hot tea. She sat Riza's down in front of her then grabbed hers. "Mustang, has been calling and you have been ignoring."

"You said a variation of that already," Riza replied.

"Why haven't you been answering him?"

"I've been sick," Riza said.

"Yes, and he's well aware of that. He did help you vomit into a trashcan after all. He was the one that gave you the water that caused you to get sick that caused the drug to leave your body."

Riza groaned in embarrassment and laid her head down on the dark wooden kitchen table. That gesture would have shocked anyone else except Riza's close friends. "That doesn't make me feel better."

"Don't tell me that you of all people are embarrassed. You know full well that no one would have the guts to say anything to you about the incident. I can't believe you took a month's leave because of that."

"That's not why I took the leave. I took the leave because my entire body feels like it was thrown from the top floor of headquarters; my eyes feel like someone poured acid into them; and my stomach can only seem to accept thing in the bread family of foods."

"Yes but you'd probably get better of that in a few more days." Maria raised an eyebrow at her friend in question. "There's another reason, one you aren't telling me."

Riza heaved a huge sigh and took a drink of her tea. "I wanted to give Mustang time to think things over and…Well, I am feeling horribly embarrassed."

"What would Mustang need to think about?"

"If he still wanted me to work in the office with him after everything that happened," Riza answered.

Maria's face dropped. Of all the ridiculous things she'd ever heard come from her friend's mouth, that one was near the top (the first one being that she was the one to blame for the loss of Roy's eye).

"If he didn't want to work with you then why would he call you all those times?"

"That's something else I find odd. You said call. What are you talking about call?" Riza questioned.

"You are just now realizing I said he called you?"

"My brain isn't exactly processing very much at the moment," Riza replied.

"He said he left messages on your answering machine," Maria said.

Riza looked at her oddly. "My answering machine hasn't kicked on a bit. Hell, the phone hasn't rung in the past few days."

Maria stood and walked over to the phone. She looked down at the machine and her eye twitched. "It says you have twenty messages."

"What!" Riza exclaimed, standing slowly and making her way over to the phone. She looked at Maria, "I swear I didn't even hear the phone ring!"

Maria looked around at the side of the phone and laughed. She flicked a switch. "Your volume was turned down low."

"Must have accidentally done that when I was cleaning," Riza said.

Maria pressed the button and the messages started relaying. Some were from Roy while others were from her grandfather and salesmen. They came to the last one and listened to Roy's voice. "Riza, I know you are there. Please, just call me. We need to talk. I won't come and see you unless you say it is all right. I love you. Bye." After the message ended, the room went silent.

"Every single message he sent ended with I love you," Maria finally said after a short period of no speaking. "That doesn't sound like someone that doesn't want to work with you. That sounds like a man who wants more than that."

Riza nodded and walked back over to her seat to sit down. She closed her eyes to relax her throbbing brain.

"Aren't you going to call him?" Maria asked while taking the seat next to Riza.

Riza shook her head and looked down at her lap. "I embarrassed him Maria. In front of all of you. I put his job at risk by getting drugged and acting like a whore."

"The key word is drugged. It wasn't like you knew the creamer was drugged."

"So it was in the creamer?" Riza questioned. "All I remember is Roy saying I was drugged and a few other things. I know we had sex on his desk. I mean I really pushed myself on him and basically forced him into it."

"Now there's something I didn't know. I didn't know you two actually went through with sex itself." Maria then realized something. "The Colonel mentioned that he didn't blame you for not wanting to see him. As usual he seemed to be blaming himself for something."

Riza nodded. "He does that a lot. I can't think of any reason he'd blame himself. Nothing was his fault."

"Or your fault," Maria said, "It's no one's fault except the people who drugged the creamer. Even with that, the creamer drugging was unintentional. It reacted with the people who got the boosters. Last names A through H.

"Oddly, that makes me remember something about… poo."

Maria laughed. "Let's just say, you let us know about the boosters and used the word poo after every word."

"Oh god," Riza groaned, her face flushing even redder.

"Did you guys find out who did it?"

"Yeah, we did. Mustang should tell you all the details," she said, standing up and taking her cup over to the sink. She washed it out and then sat it in the dish drainer.

She turned back to Riza and smiled. "I have to get back to work. Call him Riza. You both have this horrible habit of self-blame. Talk it out. Believe me, there's a lot of misunderstandings going around headquarters right now."

"Oh? Wait a minute. A through H? That means that Rebecca and Olivier were affected as well."

"Oh yes. Rebecca apparently fired shots at Jacob and had to be locked in the weapons closet and Olivier literally had to be knocked out cold before we could give her some water. We had to catch her in her waking up from unconsciousness haze."

"Who'd she go after?"

Maria laughed, "Havoc of all people."

Riza laughed. It was an unlikely pairing but not impossible. She stood and rested her hand on Hayate's head as she escorted Maria to the door. Maria opened it. "Call Roy."

"I will," she said.

"And stop blaming yourself," she said.

"I will," Riza said again.

"I don't believe you but call him anyway," Maria said then walked away.

Riza shut the door and slowly walked over to the phone. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was still in the middle of the workday. If she called him, he would no doubt ditch work in favor of coming there. Then again, he probably wasn't doing much work anyway.

After much contemplation, she decided to wait until an hour before work was over to call him. She walked into the kitchen and over to the container that Roy sent with Maria. She lifted it slowly and the most pleasant smell hit her nose. She looked down and laughed when she saw a miniature cake resting there. The cake was still warm enough to radiate that smell she loved so much but cool enough for the icing not to melt off it. In the middle was a red heart made with icing. No doubt, it came from Jillian's café, her favorite place to go when she needed a chocolate fix.

She grabbed a fork and took a huge bite of the cake, the chocolate soothing along her tongue making her smile. He really outdid himself with this gift. It was sort of in the bread family so it wouldn't upset her stomach, it was chocolate, and it was warm: a wonderful combination to the sick woman.

She ate a few more bites of it before closing the lid of the container; she would finish the rest later. She walked over to the phone again and picked it up, dialing his private line. She wanted to see him and, as she thought earlier, he probably wasn't doing much anyway. She'd been so cold to him when she'd last saw him, thinking he hated her for embarrassing him. She needed to apologize to him.

She smiled softly when she heard him answer the phone. His voice always made her melt whenever she heard it speak in the professional manner. It was an odd turn-on of hers that she would never let him know about. Now that she called, she wasn't sure what to say to him. A simple hello seemed so wrong and apologizing over the phone wasn't very proper either. Finally, she decided and simply said, "Come over." She knew that he'd recognize her voice despite its slightly sore condition.

"Riza?" he asked, more to confirm it was her than to actually question who it was.

"Yes," she said.

"I'll be over in ten minutes," he said and hung up the phone.

She smiled softly. Was he really that worried about her? It was flattering and made her heart jump in her chest. However, she would be the one apologizing, not him. She wouldn't let him take the blame for anything.

She glanced at the clock; he would be there in about twenty minutes. It usually took about ten just to get out of the headquarters.

Riza walked by a mirror on her way to the living room and stopped when she saw how she looked. Looking down at her clothing, she cringed then sighed. To say she looked horrible would be putting it lightly, but still didn't feel like changing out of her current wardrobe. She did everything else possible with Roy, so for him to see her in her current state wasn't that big of a deal.

She went over to her radiator and turned up the temperature before going over to her couch and sitting down. She organized her mind into what she wanted to say, a gesture that she knew was probably useless. Still, it would help pass the time until he got there. She was extremely anxious to see him and almost felt like a schoolgirl seeing her boyfriend after a long summer away from him. It was rather exhilarating despite her serious task that she had to do.

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**AN: Please forgive me for ending the chapter there. I was honestly planning for this to be the final chapter but it carried on a lot longer than I expected so I have to divide them up. I hand write this story before I type and I was estimating how long this chapter would be. It turns out that I'm not even halfway through what I wrote. Therefore, you get a few more chapters. I could have shortchanged you guys on this chapter and made it simpler but I don't do that sort of thing. I want to give you the best story I can and if that means more chapters then so be it. As I said to the readers of BKS, I give up on estimating how many chapters and what I put in them. Every time I do, they run longer. Anyway, please drop a review my way if you wish. They are much loved and to Silsnip, I can huggle a review! **


	21. Coming to a Resolution: Part 2

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 21: Coming to a Resolution: Part 2**

**Disclaimer:Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

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**Coming to a Resolution: Part 2**

Kain Fuery sat with his back against the door to his girlfriend's office cleaning his glasses with his handkerchief and trying to think of a way to get her to open the door. When he walked into the building to see if she wanted to talk, or vent, and have lunch he wasn't expecting this. She was working at the main desk, diligently organizing the new card catalogue. When she looked up and saw that he was there, tears came to her eyes, and her face turned rouge.

When he rushed to comfort her, she shot from her seat and ran into her private office, quickly locking the door behind her. He felt miserable that she felt so horrible and embarrassed, but had no regrets of the actions that he had to take to prevent them from having sex. Scieszka valued her virginity and had made it clear that she wanted to wait before marriage: something Fuery always highly respected in women.

"Come on Scieszka! Please open the door," he said, while putting his handkerchief away and putting his glasses back on. He hadn't been in many relationships but, by far, his relationship with Scieszka was the most interesting: in both good and bad ways.

"I don't want to," she whimpered.

"Come on Scieszka. You can't stay there forever," he said.

"And you can't stay there forever," she retorted.

"It wasn't bad enough to warrant you being so embarrassed, especially around me."

"Yes it was! You didn't try to have sex with yourself!"

An odd look plastered itself on Fuery's face. Despite knowing what she meant, the wording she used was extremely awkward. "You were under the influence of a powerful drug that reacted with the injection you got. It's not your fault you acted the way you did!"

"But I…" she blew her nose, causing Fuery to cringe. "I bet you think I'm just a whore now!" she whimpered.

Fuery's eyes widened. "I would never think you were a whore Sciessy," he said, using her pet name. "You couldn't help what you did. Besides, even if you could, I am your boyfriend after all, right? A sexual advanced toward me would be normal," he said before he realized exactly what he was speaking. "Also, you can't forget that just because you make a pass at someone or even have sex with someone, doesn't make you a whore."

"Yeah, I know but still…" he could tell from her tone that she was out of excuses for being locked in her office.

Fuery waited a bit longer, the quietness making him slightly nervous. If there was a window in her office, now would have been the time he would check it to make sure she wasn't trying to escape. Finally, he heard her stand and the door unlock. She peaked out of it, Fuery only able to make out one side of her tear stained cheek. He smiled and extended his hand to her. He watched as she opened the door further and put her hand in his, clinching a tissue with her other. He pulled her into a hug.

"You aren't ashamed of me are you?"

"No, of course not," he said.

They stood there holding each other for a while before she finally spoke, breaking the loving silence that had engulfed them. "Thank you," she said then sniffed. "You are always there for me. I'm glad you did what you did."

"You're welcome," he said, and pulled away, still holding her by her upper arms. "Now what do you say that we go have some lunch?"

She wiped her eyes and nodded, feeling extremely lucky that she had such a great guy and could only hope that all the women she knew got the men they wanted.

--

Rebecca walked into the range and growled when she saw it was incredibly crowded. It was just her luck that the day she chose to confess her feelings would be the day that people decided to catch up on their shooting practice. She tapped a man on the shoulder as he was reloading his gun. He turned to her and jumped slightly before relaxing. She guessed it was the reflex of seeing a woman after what happened.

"Have you seen-?"

"Lieutenant Catalina, I wasn't expecting to see you until a few days from now," Jacob said, cutting off her question to the man. She smiled at the guy she interrupted and thanked him before turning to Jacob.

"I have something I need to do here," she said. "Besides, I'm feeling much better. Can we go in your office and talk for a moment?"

Jacob folded his arms and nodded. He turned toward a young man with blond hair. He was holding a pair of binoculars watching the shots of the other men training at the range. "Watch things for me Master Sergeant," he said.

"Yes, Sir," he replied.

Jacob and Rebecca made their way to Jacob's office, which was really more like a closet with a desk, lamp, and phone in it. She closed the door and the area seemed even smaller. It didn't matter; she wouldn't be in there long.

"Do you love me?" she questioned, getting straight to the point. She never was the type to dally in situations no matter how awkward they were.

Jacob's eyes widened. "Wha … hu… Re… Re …Rebecca! That's not something you just come out and ask!"

She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him. "How else in the hell am I supposed to ask it? You know I'm not the blushing timid girl that you see in the movies. Besides, after your utter crap about me only wanting you because of the drugs you should expect me to be direct."

"Wasn't that the reason?"

"Yes, but …"

"Excuse me Lieutenant. I have work to do," he said, anger in his tone evident to Rebecca. He started to walk by her but she stepped in front of him.

"No, we have to settle this. You didn't let me finish. Why are you so damned angry? Do you think I asked if you loved me to poke fun of you or something?"

"You mean you didn't?" he snapped. "You just acknowledged that you only wanted me because of the drugs."

"But you never let me finish damn you!" she finally yelled. She stared at him for a moment then signed. "Do you love me? I'm being serious."

"I refuse to answer," he said, causing her to look up at him, eyes widened and mouth open in shock.

"But…"

"A man's pride can only take so much," he said and walked to the door. He placed his hand on the handle and started to turn it when her words made him stop.

"Are our stupid prides always going to block anything that could happen?"

Jacob sighed. "I don't know. Is there anything there?"

Rebecca walked over to him as he turned to her. "It wasn't just the drugs Jake," she finally said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm a lot older than you," he stated.

"No you aren't. Besides, I like mature men," she said with a small grin.

Jacob stared into her eyes and felt a surge of strength come to him, moving him to tell her how he felt. "I love you Rebecca," he said.

"Good," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck as his moved around her waist, "Because I love you too."

Their lips finally met in a passionate kiss, dissolving the pride that had kept them apart for so long. When they pulled away Rebecca and Jacob started laughing.

"Riza was right," Rebecca said.

"As always," he replied.

--

Roy made his way down the street, running everything he wanted to say to her through his head repeatedly so that he wouldn't forget anything. He walked past the flower shop when he heard his name called. He stopped and turned to step inside.

"Roy! It's been a long time since I last saw you," the woman at the counter said.

"Yes, It's good to see you Grace," he lied. While the woman was a sweet person she was about as interesting as watching grass grow. He'd learned that on the date they'd went on so long ago. Really, he did Havoc a favor by going out with her. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Well," she said. "I just spotted you and called you at the spur of the moment. Now that you are here, would you maybe like to go see a play with me?"

Roy started to speak but something in the corner of the shop caught his attention. "You have calla lilies," he stated, forgetting her question instantly.

"Yes, we finally were able to get them here."

He walked over to touch the flowers delicately, feeling like soft velvet under his bare fingertips. He knew they were Riza's favorite and he'd often heard her mention something about them being hard to find. They suited Riza very well. They had no extreme false extravagance yet were elegantly beautiful in their simplicity

Grace walked over to stand beside him. "These flowers have been selling very well."

"What does it mean to give them to someone?" he questioned out of pure curiosity.

"Calla lilies mean rebirth. They also mean beauty and the essence of beauty."

"They suit her well," he said.

"Her?" Grace questioned, trying not to let the disappointment sound in her voice.

He turned to her and smiled. "Yes, I'm in love," he said, unashamed. "These have always been her favorite flowers as well. I used to try to find them for the office but it was extremely difficult."

Grace smiled kindly at him. "So you fell in love with Lieutenant Hawkeye?" she questioned.

Roy looked at her surprised. "Yes, do you know her?"

"She often came in looking for these flowers during the growing seasons. Anytime we'd get some we'd always put back a dozen or so for her."

Roy laughed. "I see. Well, I'd like two. No. I'd like three dozen of them."

Grace smiled. "Would you like them in a box, paper, or a vase?"

Roy glanced over at the shelf behind the counter where numerous types of vases made out of different materials, were sitting. Put them in one of the crystal vases," he said.

Soon Roy found himself walking down the street carrying a huge vase full of beautiful flowers. As he made his way to Riza's place, he found women smiling and staring at him as if they weren't used to seeing a man carrying flowers.

He arrived at the apartment building, went inside, and went up to Riza's apartment. Using his free hand, the one not holding the vase, he knocked on the door. After waiting a full minute, he lifted his hand to knock again only to accidentally hit Riza in the forehead.

"Ouch," she said with a scratchy voice as she lifted her hand to rub the place he hit between her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" he said, lifting his thumb up to the place on her forehead and rubbing it gently for a moment.

"It's all right," she said, "no harm done."

Roy nodded and walked inside as she moved away from the door so he could enter. When she closed the door, he presented her with the large arrangement, clearly surprising her.

"You found calla lilies this time of year?"

"Yes, the flower shop got them in," Roy said.

Riza took the vase of flowers and sat it down on the table in the hall. She scooted them to the middle and gently touched one of them, smiling at how beautiful they were. First chocolate, now flowers, she didn't deserve how good he was to her.

"Do you know the meaning of calla lilies?" he questioned, causing her to turn around. She shook her head.

"I never gave much thought into the meaning of flowers. I've just always loved them."

"Grace told me the meaning when I asked her about it," Roy said.

Riza shot him a glare that made him stiffen. She turned toward him. "Why were you with her?" she said with a jealous tone.

Roy held up his hands in front of him, a slight bead of sweat appearing on the right side of his forehead. "She just called me in there, that's all?"

Riza's gaze got darker. "For…what?" she said, her voice taking on a low baleful tone. She sounded like she did when she was under the influence of the drug and those women tried to touch him.

More sweat appeared on Roy's face as he found his voice to speak. He didn't thing Riza was the type to get jealous when not under the influence of something. "Um…she just wanted to talk. She hadn't seen me in a while and she…" he trailed off unsure whether to tell Riza she asked him to a play.

"She what?" Riza questioned.

"She asked me to go see a play with her."

"And are you?" she snapped.

"No no no! I saw the flowers and thought of you so I inquired about them since I knew they were your favorites. They mean rebirth and the essence of beauty," he said, trying to change the subject. He really didn't know how to deal with Riza in this state when she wasn't drugged but still jealous. "And she found out I loved you. I made it clear," he added.

Riza blinked at him. "You still love me?"

"I think the million times I said I did on the messages displayed that. Don't you?"

"But I…" she sighed and turned around, losing her words. She turned her gaze back to the flowers and touched another of the blooms. "They are beautiful aren't they?" she questioned.

Roy nodded. "They are but they don't hold a candle to their new owner," he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

When he felt her tense up, he quickly pulled away. She stayed still for a while before turning around quickly, causing her to become dizzy and lose balance. Roy caught her in his arms as she swayed, and then realized how sickly she looked. He was so happy to see her, that he was just now seeing she wasn't at her best.

He picked her up gently, his back popping slightly, as he carried her into the living room. He sat down in the huge chair he favored and rested her on his lap. "Riza, I'm sorry," he said.

Riza turned her head to look at him, surprised at his apology. He didn't have a reason to apologize at all. She was the one that should have been begging for his forgiveness.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I should have restrained myself better," he said. "I shouldn't have taken you there like that. I should've recognized that you were drugged. I should have-"

She placed a finger on his lips, cutting off his guilt trip, and shook her head. "You didn't know. There's no way you could have."

"It was completely out of character for you to do something like that in the office. I should have realized that and turned you down. I mean you aren't the type to want to make love on a desk."

Riza blushed deeply.

"Riza? Are you getting a fever? You are completely red."

"I have a confession. I wouldn't have let you know this but since it's all said and done..." she trailed off, hesitant to continue.

"What is it?" he questioned.

"I've always wanted to do that actually," she said.

Roy quirked an eyebrow at her. "What? Make love on my desk?"

Riza turned her head away and nodded. "It's a guilty pleasure fantasy of mine. Of course, I wasn't drugged in it."

Roy sighed. "See, I even ruined a fantasy of yours by-"

She stood quickly, suddenly growing angry with him. She turned toward him. "You are always blaming yourself for every damn thing that happens! Stop it and realize it could be someone else's fault!"

She swayed a bit. Roy moved to steady her, but she stepped away. "Don't you realize that I'm the one that needs to feel guilty? Because of my state, I could have risked your entire career. If one of the higher ups were to have seen that, you could have lost everything! I humiliated you in front of your subordinates and didn't recognize when something was wrong with me. All I could think of was fucking you Roy! There wasn't the slightest thought of love anywhere when I acted that way!" she said, her voice volume increasing as loud as possible.

Roy stood, grabbed her, and moved his hand up to wipe the tears that Riza didn't even know she was shedding. "Shush, nothing is your fault either. That damned drug reacted potently with so many women Riza. The council understood all of it and praised the office for their reactions. None of it could be helped. I love you so much Riza. When you reacted the way you did as you were recovering, I felt like. . . I was afraid that you felt like I… I mean I felt like I . . ." he was so afraid to speak what he was feeling to her.

"Like what," she whispered.

"I was afraid you felt like I raped you."

Riza's eyes widened and she pulled away slightly to look into his face. She was extremely frightened that Roy would feel that way. She cupped his face in her hands and shook her head quickly. Her heart started beating rapidly and her tears fell so quickly that it was as if her heart was pumping them out of her.

"God no Roy," she said. "No, it was nothing like that. Not ever anything like that. I was so distant because I thought you hated me. Roy, that thought never crossed my mind even for a moment." She hugged him tighter. "I love you so much. I was so afraid you hated me."

"It was the same for me," he said. "I thought you hated me Riza."

"Never," she whispered.

Roy pulled her closer to his body. "I love you Riza. I can't say that enough."

"Next time something major like this happens, let's talk it out first thing, no matter how we feel," she said.

"Alright," he said. "So, you are still my love?"

"Always," she whispered, and then moved to kiss him, relieved that the entire misunderstanding was over.

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**AN: One more chapter to go to wrap things up and this time I can guarantee only one chapter left since I have the entire thing typed. It just needs a few tweaks and a really good proofreading. It should be posted Sunday along with a brand spankin' new Royai fiction. Please drop a review my way. They are much loved and huggled.**


	22. Something in the Water?

**Something in the Water**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Something in the Water?**

**Disclaimer: ****Full Metal Alchemist and all its characters are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. No profit was made from this fanfiction. The only things that I do own are the OC's. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of original characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to the overall course of the plot. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.**

**AN: Well, this is it my lovely readers. This is the final chapter of a story that was intended to be about six chapters and turned into this twenty-two chapter tale. I really hope you enjoyed this fiction and thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback you've given. I luvs you! I was tossing around this idea going from yes to no to sort of. Finally, I just started writing and this is what came out. I think it wraps things up nicely.**

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**Something in the Water?**

**Exactly seven months later. . .**

The more Captain Riza Mustang listened to the men talking, the more she had a desire to train them in a similar fashion that she trained Black Hayate during potty training. However, after all that had happened seven months ago the last thing she needed was a bunch of injured people in the office and a reprimand for shooting at her subordinates. Yes, they were finished with their paperwork but did they really have to converse about this particular topic. Especially when she was feeling the way she was, and when she was in her current predicament.

"Are you kidding? You think that is bad? You should see Olivier when she has a craving! I have to do maintenance on the wall. I've kept a bucket of plaster nearby just in case I can't find what she wants," Havoc said.

Riza laughed inwardly. When Olivier found out that Havoc, in her words, "knocked her up," she'd been furious. She'd stormed into the office, hair flying behind her, and shoved the test results in his face. When she screamed she was pregnant, he killed over backwards. She didn't even bother picking him up and stormed back out of the office with a flourish. However, after a few days, both accepted it and were excited to be parents. Havoc was grumpier than usual. It wasn't because he was going to be a father, but because Olivier threw out his cigarettes and told him that if he was caught smoking she was going to castrate him.

"Scieszka likes to toss classic novels at my head," Fuery stated, "though she hasn't damaged anything that requires repairs…yet."

A few months after that, Fuery and Scieszka tied the knot and she was presently three months along. Riza had a hard time even fathoming Fuery as a father at first but the more she saw him around the growing Scieszka the more she could see it. He would make an amazing father to that child and motherhood really suited Scieszka.

Then there was Rebecca and Jacob. Rebecca wasn't pregnant but she wasn't against the option of becoming such in a few years. A month ago, she and Jacob went to the courthouse to get married. It was a quick, no frills wedding, full of love and joy despite the lack of pomp and circumstance. It was just them and their friends there to witness. It was the happiest Riza had ever seen the two.

Then there was Maria and Denny who weren't expecting but would be getting married in the next few months. Maria wasn't affected by any of the drugs but apparently, the incident prompted Denny to kick into gear and ask her out, then after a few months, propose. It'd been a long time coming anyway. Maria mentioned once that she wanted kids after a year of marriage so it was likely that would happen soon.

"I seriously don't know why pregnant women are so moody," Havoc said, bringing Riza from her musings about the past seven months. "It can't be that bad. Besides, that is what they were made to do."

Riza's eyebrow twitched upon hearing his words. "Lieutenant Havoc," Riza snapped, causing everyone in the room, except Roy, to look at her. He was busy working on his paperwork so that he wouldn't anger his wife.

"Yeah?" Havoc said, looking over at Riza.

"I assure you that isn't the only reason we were put on this Earth," she said.

"But you are the only ones that can have babies," he said.

"That doesn't mean that is our only purpose. Surely you love Olivier enough to realize that right?"

"Yeah, but … well why are pregnant women so moody?"

Riza scooted out her chair and suddenly Roy was at her side, helping her stand. She placed a hand on her swollen stomach and glared at Havoc. "If you were carrying an eight to ten pound baby around, resting on your bladder, and kicking every chance it got, you'd be moody too. You men don't understand anything!"

Havoc stood and looked worried as Riza started tearing up. "No, come on Captain, don't cry," he said in a panic. Roy pulled her as close as he could and started to comfort her. He turned to Havoc.

"I would take your lunch now if I were you? That goes for all of you," Roy said. "After she gets done crying she'll be out for blood."

All the men stood and walked out of the room immediately. Riza pulled away from Roy and glared at the door that the men left through. "Where do they think they are going?"

"Lunch, which is something we should do," Roy said, trying to calm her down.

Riza turned to him and nodded. She grabbed her purse and they left the office, then headquarters, and made their way down the street. As they walked by a café near headquarters, they heard women talking about them.

"What in the heck is with all the pregnant women in the military lately? Are they that loose nowadays? In my days, women kept their legs closed. You know not all of them are married."

Riza stopped and turned to the woman and shot them that glare of hers that could strip paint. "In your day the military wasn't in existence you old hag!" Riza snapped, her temper taking over her. Normally she wouldn't let comments like that get to her but her hormones weren't currently going to listen to her rational mind.

The woman snarled back at Riza, "Then why are so many of you pregnant. I must have seen half a dozen of you in the past months!"

Riza smiled menacingly causing a terrified look to appear on the woman's face. "I'll tell you after I kick your..." Roy grabbed her and steered her away from the women at the cafe.

"Something in the water ladies. There's something in the water."

**The End**

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**AN: That's a wrap people. I really hoped you enjoyed this fiction and the ending. Thank you all so much for reading and please drop a final review. I would also love to hear from some people I haven't heard from before that are reading. Thanks again and Love and haggles to you all. I also have a new royai vampire fiction called The Vacuous Heart of Blood. Please check it out if you like those types of fiction.**


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